NEED HELP! I have known that I have been Gay for 3 years now and havent told anyone yet...The problem is that I think co-workers and family are starting to figure it out. I have left out picture of myself and my ex partner in dresses and my little nephew found gay porn on my computer and is asking questions to myself and his mother... What do I do???
2006-11-30 04:50:42 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Coming out is like ripping off a band-aid. It is scary and it does hurt for a second....but then it's over and you wonder why you were so scared.
Just remember to be patient with them....you've taken 3 years to get used to the idea and decide to tell folks. Don't expect them to be 100% perfect the minute you tell them.
2006-11-30 05:46:59 · answer #1 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, you need to come to terms with this on your own. Know that you are perfect just the way you are and you will have the confidence you need to let people see the true you without as much possiblity of letting them shame or guilt you. Then take small steps. Come out to people at work or acquaintences who are not as consequential as perhaps a family member or close friend. This will give you a feeling for the possible range of reactions you may encounter from friends or family. You'll do fine. Before long you'll just be spitting it out with no second thoughts. Good luck!
2006-11-30 13:58:31 · answer #2 · answered by Eli 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't want to seem too presumptuous, but I'm guessing you have told "someone." I mean, you have an ex and that's at least one other person who knows. What I'm guessing you mean it you haven't told any close non-gay friends or family. I think one of the biggest misconceptions about coming out is that it is in fact a process, not a single event.
Much of the apprehension that accompanies coming out is this feeling that "no one knows." It may help if you sit down and literally list all of the people who do know. Once you realize you have told others successfully, it may make telling friends and family members easier.
Of course this isn't the only reason people are reluctant to tell close friends and family members. The risk here is much greater. If you have an acquaintance or “friend-lite” who rejects you after coming out, it will hurt but it's easy to recognize that this person isn't much of a friend after all, pick up the pieces and move on to truer friends. If your parents, siblings or a life long friend reject you, it can be a much bigger deal.
Start with those who you believe will most likely embrace your announcement. Be prepared for rejection as it is a realistic expectation. Sometimes this is just a temporary situation and as time goes by, the response will weaken and acceptance will take over.
Other times it might be long lasting or permanent. For me, my siblings were all very supportive but my parents, both rigid Catholics, cut me completely out of the family. At the time my youngest siblings were 4 and 9 and I was not permitted to see them on any terms (though secretly we did thanks to my then 17 year old brother). This continued for 8 years until I moved to San Diego, CA. I believe at that time my mother realized she may be losing me forever and made SMALL concessions to keep in contact with me. She still does not accept my relationship of 11 ½ years, I cannot talk about this part of my life but she is slowly coming around. She once slipped and asked how Jon (my partner) is doing.
Finally some are lucky and there is complete and immediate acceptance. These are great stories to hear about. I’m sure you know some others who have told you stories like this. The parent responds with something like, “I’ve known for years.”
When you come out to various people in your life is completely your choice, unless you’re outed or discovered, of course. Ultimately you should be prepared for the worst. I always suggest that people wait until they are no longer dependant on those they wish to tell before the come out to them.
If you suspect at all this might cause a lot of “drama” you may choose to come out to your parents in a public setting where they will be less likely to cause a “scene.”
It’s also a good idea to know who you can trust ahead of time. If you are initially faced with rejection, having a good support network is key to get through it. I call my support network my “family of choice” and they are always there for me.
As I re-read this, it all sounds so doom and gloom. While it’s not always a sad ending, it is a real possibility depending on the political, religious and moral values your friends and family have. I’d rather provide a reply that’s overly cautious than have someone not be prepared for an extreme response.
2006-11-30 14:50:25 · answer #3 · answered by SDTerp 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't want to be the subject of gossip, and have people wonder. You don't have to make a big production out of it. The little moments will pop up, when you can just pull someone to the side, and come clean with it. You will have a little, "Gee, we sort of figured..."-moment, then you can continue with your work day!
Or--
Invite everyone to a fabulous party, and at a certain point, you can cling your fork to the champagne glass to get everyone's attention, then Come-Out all at once!
Wasn't that eventful to me. More like my first scenario. I took advantage of whatever one on one time I had with my loved ones, and just told them. We had a little cry, or a little chat of support (accept Dad--- He had a problem with the whole Idea).
Life is easier when people just know you are gay. People just want to know for some reason. Once the air is clear, then you can have normal conversations with a unique perspective... everyone wants to know what gays think about stuff! There will be no more snickering behind your back because you took charge. Maybe it's funny because it's obvious to people that we're gay and they are just waiting for us to come around...
Good luck!
Love,
Gregory
2006-11-30 13:09:10 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Come out. If they truly are your family and friends, they'll understand. Either way, you're still you, just you've come out of the closet and into the party room.
2006-11-30 12:54:25 · answer #5 · answered by kytigirl200 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to come forward.....
its heard to come out. I KNOW
don't be afraid of who you are as a person,
let the ones who you love know first...
they wont judge you,
and if they do. your family are the one who care about you
and under stand who you are.
you will fill alot better about you self in the long run...
and you wont have to hide who you are
so come out....
when you fell its time, but don't hide who you are
it will get better.......
GOOD LUCK I'M ON YOUR SIDE
2006-11-30 13:09:47 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The door.
Oops, I didnt read the entire question.
2006-11-30 12:54:43 · answer #7 · answered by J D 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
open the door and be free.
2006-11-30 12:55:24 · answer #8 · answered by Chazz Drizzler 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋