Do gays and lesbians know from early on that they are gay?

Question

And how strong is that realization for young gays and lesbians?

Answer 1

I was not aware until I was introduced to my future partner at our office. Even then it took quite a while before we discussed our future and finally purchased a house and began living together. This lasted for 42 years (until her death).
Kind regards, Rose P.

Answer 2

It varies greatly. There are a few factors at work here. First is that nearly all children are assumed to be straight. Also, while this is changing somewhat, most Queer youth don't have any Queer role models to identify with.

As silly as this may seem, I started having sex with other males as early as twelve. Even though I had regular encounters all with male partners (I've never had penetrating sex with a woman) I still didn't identify as gay until I was nearly 19. The biggest reason for me is that the only examples I had to look to were negative stereotypes on television and film. These stereotypes consisted of hyper masculine or hyper feminine men (usually in the form of leather queens or drag queens). Since I didn't identify with them, I figured I couldn't possibly be gay and would eventually meet the "right girl," settle down and have children. Looking back now, I think it was fairly evident and had I been exposed to a wider array of role models, I would have probably known as early as elementary school.

Another variable to consider is that even for those who may have access to Queer role models and suspect they are Queer, social or familial pressure may push them into denial. This will delay their own realization.

Kind of a round about way or responding but I hope this anecdotal story helps answer your question.

Answer 3

My answer is similar to Apple's answer. I didn't know the terms "gay" and "straight" but when I was in elementary school I remember thinking some of the other boys were cute. I had a friend who was a girl and she was a couple years older than me, one day we were at her house and she had some celebrity magazine and I saw a picture of some TV actor and I said I thought he was really cute and my friend flipped out saying that boys aren't supposed to think that other boys are cute. I was very confused and very embarrassed. I realized from that moment on I had to be very careful how much of my true feelings I let show. I was about 8 or 9 at the time.

Answer 4

Like many others here I knew I was "different" but didn't know what to call it. In high school I knew I was attracted to guys but didn't want to admit it. I know that sounds strange, but if you are gay/lesbian you know what I mean. I tried to convince myself I was attracted to girls and guys and would ignore my feelings for guys. I was in college before I was able to accept that I was gay. Looking back, I had a crush on my gym teacher in 4th grade. Even thinking of him today I remember him as an incredibly sexy man. Now I was in 4th grade in the early 1970's and very little was said or heard about being gay. So for those kids growing up in the 1990's or today, they here about gay issues and know what gay is, so they are able to put a name to their feelings at a much earlier time than those of us who where kids a generation ago.

Answer 5

I didn't have any idea what sex was. My education came from TV! I wanted to be Laura Ingles Husband and have a farm, where we could raise our TV family! Then in Elementary School, everyone started to tease me and call me gay, and F-aggot. That had a big effect on me. That helped me deny my gay side for quite a number of years. When I had my first gay experienced at 16yo, it took me until the age of 25 to actually come out and totally accept myself. I went through this loop of "Sin, Repent, Rebuke" and tried to "heal" myself with Christian Science. What total mental torture I put myself through! Finally while coming home from Germany (I was stationed there in the Army), while doing the bible lesson on the plane, I kept noticing this hot guy across the isle. From the lesson to the guy, I kept getting distracted by this guy. I had an epiphany. I closed the bible and sat back and thought (as if God was telling me), "This must be a natural part of who I am because it keeps trickling up"... That was the beginning of accepting myself as a Gay Man.

Love,
Gregory

Answer 6

I remember being in first grade and knowing I 'loved' Johnny Crider. But honestly I did not think "Hey, I am gay.", I just knew I had a crush on a boy. It wasn't until like 11 or 12 that I actually realized it wasn't something that lot of people considered 'normal'.

Answer 7

Speaking for myself, I knew what I wanted very strongly. I can't speak to lesbians' experience at all, but gay bois often do not allow themselves to acknowledge what they are feeling for fear of rejection by parents -- often fathers -- whom they love. As a result many people refuse to deal with the fact that the feelings won't change until well into adulthood.

Hope that helps, email me if you need further information.

Regards,

Reynolds
[e-mail]

Answer 8

The first time I actually realized that I was bisexual was in jr. high. I've always looked at people and noticed they were attractive but I realized I had the same feelings for someone regardless of sex.

I would find myself looking at a girl and not just admiring their cute skirt, but that they really looked good in that skirt lol. It's really more when you start developing your own mind as opposed to when your mom would tell you that you can't watch that show so you'd turn it off and then later you'd think "but I really like that show". Really bad example but the only thing I could think of.

Answer 9

I realized at age 5 that I was different, but I didn't know anything about gay or straight. I just knew that I was not like the other boys.

Answer 10

I think that we knew that we were different from the other guys and girls early in our childhood or earily teens.. As for myself.... I did not speak or talk to anyone about the feelings for guys. I loved to look at guys walking down the halls or in the malls. Now that I am out and experiencing life as I should have as the real me... I feel no longer that I am hiding within side myself.