Is it normal for a person to want their now ex husband's relationship with the woman he had an affair with to fail? A part of me will always love my ex and the life we had together. However, I will never forget the way he decided to end our marriage - with lies, deception and pain. I have forgiven him - we have a son and we need to at least be civil. Although I will never bad mouth my ex or the other woman to my son I will never be able to forget the pain and anger they caused me and my son. Is it normal for me to feel this way? I am actually a very forgiving person but I cannot forgive her or them together (if that makes sense). I had to forgive my ex but not her. I want nothing to do with either of them or their new life together. Will this change in time or will I always feel this way?
2006-11-30 04:31:00 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Naw...in fact you seem to have an superb grip on this. not vindictive, vengeful or spiteful but by God there isn't anything better than sitting back and gloating. Heh, heh...guess they found out that there was just a tiny little bit more than fu*cking like rabbits huh?
I think you'll always feel this way and screw it...don't feel bad. You went through enough because of those two. You madam...have a special place in my heart for your mature and sensible handling of this whole situation.
I tip my hat to you and now consider you one of the star attractions that shine amongst the sea of mopes, idiots, illiterates and trash that roam this domain. Were I not married myself I'd propose.
2006-11-30 04:36:53 · answer #1 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Doesn't sound like you have truly forgiven. I'm guessing, it hasn't been that long; with time, I'm sure you will find that these feelings will lose their intensity, and that you will turn your attention to other matters. It's normal to feel some variation of this in the beginning, but if you still find it at the forefront of your mind months or years later, it would definitely be a reason to see a therapist.
2006-11-30 04:49:50 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl, reading your story was like reading a page of my life's story too. I went through the same exact thing. We were married for 16 years and 2 children when he decided he wanted to live with another woman. She was also married at the time and she also knew he was married. They even had the balls to spend a day together with my boys. He introduced her as a "friend". I went through the pain, the suffering, the anger, you name it. I also forgave my now ex husband and have never bad mouthed him or her in front of the kids even though they know what happened.
I have healed and since moved on. 2 years after my divorce, I met a wonderful man and just recently got married. Although my ex and I are in good terms, I have decided I want nothing to do with his live-in girlfriend. I don't hate her, nor do I hold any ill feelings towards her. In fact, sometimes I want to thank her for the favor of taking my ex. I would have never met my wonderful husband if they didn't do what they did. All that to say that you might never want to talk or be friendly with your ex's woman. You don't have to like everyone in this world. You don't have to like her and you don't have to deal with her. Just move on with your life. Don't let anger and the desire for revenge consume you. It's not worth it. Let them be. You live your life and be happy again. The best revenge sometimes is just letting people see how happy you are. You're in a much better place today than you were when the crap hit the ceiling. Count your blessings and move on. Good luck!
2006-11-30 04:50:40 · answer #3 · answered by jazz_lover_25 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
no it is quite normal to feel this way, and not wish the relationship to be successful, after all she stole something u loved, and wanted. u have not really forgiven, because u still have expectations, and hopes to recreate what u had, but that is what is keeping u feeling this way, and unable to move on. no time will never change how u feel towards her, she is not a friend, just the woman who destroyed what u had. u have to forgive it, not for their sake, not to let them off the hook, but for your own sanity, as long as u keep thinking about them, comparing yourself to her, it will undermine your self confidence. know that sometimes in life, good people do get hurt, because of another's selfishness. u need to focus on getting u a new life. get some counciling, maybe through your church or self help group. what she did to u was not fair, and why waste any more of your life thinking about them, this isn't who u are, or your future, let it go, and free yourself from the bitterness, as if u don't u will carry this with u, and it will affect your next relationship.
2006-11-30 11:31:39 · answer #4 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds normal to me. I dont think you will always feel this way. Its new so the pain is still very real. As time passes and you start to meet new men I'm sure these feelings will subside. And remember, most relationships that start as a result of cheating, dont last.
2006-11-30 04:38:30 · answer #5 · answered by JustMe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not a horrible person, I still fantasize about hurting the man my ex cheated on me with, if it wasn't for the law thing I believe I'd seriously take him out and use him for target practice
2006-11-30 04:37:50 · answer #6 · answered by Mike 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its normal. He broke his vows to you, if he lasts with this new woman, then somehow you'll feel she had something that you were lacking. UNTRUE by the way, but thats how our feelings work.. I am christian and believ that we reap what we sow, unless we repent, his relationship will not work until he comes to terms with what he did, how he broke his promises, the ones he said to you and in front of God, and the heartache it has caused, in addition his new woman also needs to accept responcibility for being in an adulterous relationship, she also needs to repent and ask for forgiveness, not nessesarily to you, but to God, and usually when someone repents they also ask that person for forginess too, but not always, remember though, if that does happen, you are forgiven by the messure in which you forgive others. I know you said you forgive you husbad, thats a beautiful thing, and its natural to want the best for him, but its also natural for you to feel the way you do, keep praying about it. Also try to be compassionte and keep all fair, after all it wasnt the other women who made any promises to you, she was wrong for allowing this relationship to happen, and possibly even provoking it, but holding her up to a standard higher then your husband isnt fair, she didnt put a ring on your finger-he did, please pray that you will be able to, in time, forgive her. the Bible also says that there is a times to hate and a time to love. You are allowed to have a season of hate, just be sure to follow with a season to love. Another point, If I may, is the Bible is clear on sexula immoratity and even states that the "Lips of an adulterous woman are as smooth as honey... but her roots lead straight to the grave" So even God knows (unless repentance) not only is their relationship in harms way, but now so is their souls, which is why your prays are crucial. He may after a while relaise she has no "super woman" qualityies, and has flaws like all other humans, and see for himself how wrong he was and want to make thing right again with you, if this ever happens remeber the ball is in your court, its the one reason biblically allowed for divorse.
2006-11-30 04:49:09 · answer #7 · answered by AntzaGurl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it's pretty normal, although I always wish my ex's happiness because what you send out in the universe is what you get back - so you've got a "my success is your success and your success is mine" thing going. The thing is, if it doesn't work out between them, let's hope you don't honestly want this guy back. Just move on and stop thinking about it.
2006-11-30 06:16:33 · answer #8 · answered by Rachel 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It will change once you get on with your life and another relationship.
It does hurt, and it can hurt for many years, if not a life time.
I can't find it in my heart to forgive the other women that stepped in and took my hubby's away. They were married men with children, and these women were so selfish to take away more my kids father, not just my husband.
You don't have to forgive her. She doesn't deserve forgiveness.
You'll be on the road to recovery once you find you a nice man to welcome into you and your son's life.
2006-11-30 04:38:26 · answer #9 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Forgiveness is the mental process of ceasing to feel resentment or anger against another person for a wrong doing, or mistake, and ceasing to demand punishment. You evidently despite the claim the you forgave you ex husband, you still resent what he did. Wishing them bad you are hopping for the revenge.
Constructive revenge is the decision to better yourself so substantially that you clearly demonstrate your status is superior to your adversary's. This overcomes the humiliation that fuels your desire for revenge.
2006-11-30 04:51:16 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋