How do I get over my abortion?

Question

after I had my abortion (due to health problems) I felt relieved. Now it's 8 months later and now I start feeling depressed and it's tearing me up inside.
How do I get over it? Did any of you have abortions? How did you get over it?

Negative comments will be ignored. Thank you.

I can't even look at other babies because I get jealous. My friend also had a baby and I couldn't even look at her baby's pictures. Because it hurts.

Answer 1

I had an abortion 24 years ago, and I have never got over it. In the last 5 years I have had to look at my beliefs about abortion real hard. (because it just haunts me) I have now changed my mind, I believe abortion is wrong. I will not, and do not support abortion rights.
I was going to suggest you do some volunteer work and maybe see a therapist for a little. Good luck my dear, and I sincerely hope you can work through this.

Answer 2

I think you should NOT feel depressed. The worst thing a person can do is bring an unwanted child into the world (risking their own health and/or the fetus'). I see so many screwed up kids who were born because they were unwanted accidents, and the parents always resented them.

Do not feel sad or remroseful. Tell youself: you did the best thing you could do at the time.

Some things truly were not meant to be. If you were meant ot have a baby right now, you would've have been so sick.

You can always concieve later when the time is right.

You can't change how you feel, but you CAN change what you let yourself think about. No more dwelling on cute babies or "what if". Stay focused. Think about the goals and things thatmade you happy before all this.

And an abortion is never an easy choice, despite what some ignorant people think. It's ok to talk to a professional counselor to sort through your feelings if you don't feel the depression lifting.

Best of luck to you!

Answer 3

I think about what might have been, too.

You never completely get over it. I had to cope with the idea that my child died inside me, as well as going through an outpatient surgery (a D & C, since I never miscarried). It's like losing any other child, except you have no memories ... and I think, in this case, that "what if" is worse than happy memories. It's torture.

One of my best friends had an abortion because she just wasn't ready for a child. She'd have been fired from her job and kicked out of her home. Both would have been illegal, really, but she didn't have the resources to sue. And what would that have helped? Her baby would still have had nothing. And you know what? We have the same feelings about it. Some women are relieved forever and don't have these feelings that we do. That's normal. What we're feeling is normal, too.

There are support groups for women who've had abortions. There's also counseling, but there's still a stigma attached to therapy, plus your insurance might not pay for it (I know mine doesn't). Check out some support groups, either online or in your area. If that doesn't seem right for you it would be good to consider counseling.

I know the feelings, for me, were worst around the time my baby would have been born. They got better afterward. But I still cry sometimes when I see a child that would have been about his/her age. So does my friend who wasn't ready for a kid. Now she is and she's not sure she can cope. Neither am I, even though I'm trying for another.

If it doesn't get better you should at least join a support group. If you're having thoughts of hurting yourself, as some women do, it would be best to find a counselor. Sometimes the office that performed the procedure can refer you to one. Planned Parenthood also offers those services (for free, in some cases) in different areas. Call up those places and check into groups.

Good luck.

Answer 4

i would reccomend getting some counsling. It;s a very hard thing to go through and you feel ashamed telling people so you hold it in and truthfuly the hurt will never go away, you wont magically forget what happend. Plus the "what if thoughts" but dont beat yourself up. I had 2 abortions for different reasons and i went through a really rough phase where i was jealous of pregnant people and would feel sad when i saw babies, there still isnt a day that goes by that i dont wonder. But you will find a way to cope and heal and eventually you can hopefully go on to have a healthy baby. Good luck hun.

Answer 5

The pregnancy was only physically terminated it was still hormonally progressing (some women I know actually lactate after 9 months) It is difficult and stressful and you have options for helping yourself feel better. First I would recommend Counseling for the depression and volunteer at a hospital feeding babies - sounds crazy but using that instinct can really sooth the soul. You could also help out at a nursery or child care center both would help you release those mommy vibes that are kind of stuck right now and help you heal emotionally. You need to accept the loss and rejoice in life it will help you go on to the next step. Good Luck!

Answer 6

This is totally normal. I had one two years ago, for issues with the baby, though nothing life-threatening. I, too was relieved at first, but in the first 6 months, I went downhill and hit rock bottom. I was already being treated for depression, so my meds had to be brought up. Through a number of things, I have come to accept our decision. Then, we were trying for another baby for over a year and I just couldn't look at women at work who brought their babies in. It was really upsetting. We are now expecting, but at the two year anniversary, I actually forgot about it and my Mother called to say she remembered. I had a real good cry, more because of not remembering, but I still feel the guilt. If you would like to e-mail me, go right ahead. It is a difficult road and don't hesitate to talk to your doctor about it either, since you might need some meds to come out of it enough to deal with your feelings.

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Answer 7

I'm sorry to say that I don't think you will ever get over it! I had a beautiful baby boy & wanted children close together so we tried for another year straight and finally got pregnant..just to miscarry 3 months into it..I mean I know it's not an abortion but I didn't have an option either and it still tears me apart..even after giving birth to another beautiful baby boy 2 years late..can't help but to wonder if it would have looked like my husband or myself..if it would have been a girl or a boy..you know the normal things us mothers think of! But I'm pleased to say that I am now 4 months along with baby #3 and happy as can be..but I think the miscarriage will always bother me! I say if they are medical problems that would allow you to have a baby later on..look forward to that! If not adoption is always a great choice..there are so many children out there who are in desperate need of loving families! I'm so sorry for your loss..GOD BLESS & GOOD LUCK! I pray that every day will get a little easier for you!

Answer 8

I had one also due to health issues and did go on to have a healthy baby but I do still think about it all the time and I am not going to say as time goes on it gets any better but I will say that when I have been thinking about it alot less now, it was over two years ago that I had the abortion and after it was over with in the doctors office I had a severe panic attack and was hysterical and for several months after that I wrote letters to the baby just to keep for myself and noticed that when I wrote the letters I would cry and although it hurt it did help me out alot. Try getting yourself a notebook and just writting down your feelings and let yourself cry sometimes that is just what we need to do to help us get over something like this. I wish you the best of luck and it will get a bit easier to deal with as time goes on, just know that although you don't have that baby to hold and to love you now have a beautiful guardian angel looking over you good luck sweetie and best wishes to you and your family.

Answer 9

Grieving is vital and while you may never get completely over it (you have lost a child-that's the worst thing in the world!) you can get to a point where you are resolved with it.

Perhaps a small ceremony to say goodbye or whatever you want to say to the baby will help you. It can be either private or with others you want to include. although you didn't carry the child to term you still had a relationship with it and it will always be a part of you. It should be honored.

Eventually you will find peace with the situation without it feeling so raw, though it might always be sad.

Good luck to you.

Answer 10

First let me say that I am sorry for your loss and I hope that what ever health problems that you are experiencing are not to severe and that you are receiving top notch medical care. Abortion is a very emotional thing for many women and I am sorry you had to go throught it. Time heals all wounds however and these things tend to happen for a reason. The best thing that you can do right now is to find someone you trust to talk to or maby look into a support group. Best of luck to you sweetie, you are in my prayers!