My first love and i ran into each other after almost 10 years.We met when i was 16 years old and this shy, insecure, slightly snobby, and prepie looking class girl.He was the bad boy, with smart *** mouth, and a loner who lived in a tralier park.My parents thought he was white trash and hated him but even though we hated each other in the begining we fell in love hard and we dated almost 4 years.We split for dumb reasons mainly conserned with pride on both sides.I dated around after that for a while before meeting my husband of 3 yrs now who i am misreable with and lonley even though he gives me anything i want.Seeing him makes me remeber how happy i was when i felt loved, safe, protected, respected, and could talk to him .He ended up getting a scholar ship and going to college he is now an entreprenneur.We have had coffee/lunch three times am i torturing myself?
2006-11-30 04:10:58 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I also have yet to tell him i am married and i think he still has feelings for me and vice versa.
2006-11-30 04:14:19 · update #1
Part of the reason i married my husband was for the money but that wore off fast.
2006-11-30 04:20:52 · update #2
The old flame is just that, and old flame.
Trust me, he changed, you remember the good times, and are combining them with the new.
With your problems with your marriage, your hungry now, and looking for love. Once you had your fill you will regret doing it because then you won't be hungry and able to see things for what they are. But don't worry, your going to make that mistake anyways. Just don't get caught.
2006-11-30 04:16:39 · answer #1 · answered by David G 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What you are remembering are the good times. Mix that with your present situation, and you are bound to feel these things.
What you need to do is concentrate on your marriage. If you feel the marriage won't work, then you need to end it. Do not spend ten minutes thinking about this--it has to be deep down and concentrated thought.
Why did you marry your husband in the first place? What has changed in your lives that may have caused the current situation? Can you both talk this through like adults and find a way to compromise and work things out?
I have been in your shoes. Right after I got divorced, I ran into my "first love". We dated for a few months, but after the ether wore off, our relationship went right back to where it ended 16 years ago. I'm not saying that this will happen to you, but is it really you wanting to get back with him or is it you wanting more from your marriage and you are afraid to fight for it?
2006-11-30 04:18:45 · answer #2 · answered by bux_martinfan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're playing with fire and you're going to get burned if you keep seeing him. If there's a void in your marriage, you need to talk to your husband and maybe go to counseling together. Seeing and talking to an old flame is only going to make things worse between your husband and yourself. You were just a child and everything in life is different at 16. You're looking for those goose bumps, heart stopping, hair standing moments that occur when you're a teenager. You're an adult woman now who's also married. If your husband is not abusing you or being unfaithful, then I think you need to honor your commitment and your vows to him. Marriage is not a walk in the park...it's work. And it takes 2 committed people to make it work. Find out why you're miserable first and fix it. If you don't fix it, you'll carry that misery to your next relationship and you'll find yourself back in square one in a matter of no time. Call a family therapist, counselor, pastor, etc. Just get help fast! And stop seeing your ex behind your husband's back.
2006-11-30 04:25:03 · answer #3 · answered by jazz_lover_25 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Carolina-- I almost cried when I read your story- because- like you- I had my first love-- and I've never experienced anything similar to it since. We were so perfect for each other, I felt complete when I was with him-- it was like magnets.
However- I am not married to that man.
I used to ask if it was a mistake.
I used to wish secretly in the back of my mind that I had never left my X- that I had never married someone other than him.
But please- just banish that thought. You are married now. There is a reason you married the man you are with.
I am sure you love him so much
would you really give him up?
I know that in the end-- and after much emotional digging and questioning--- I would Never trade my husband for anything.
and that even though sometimes I miss that 'perfect connection' that me and my X had, I know that my marriage is a gift, it is something that is mine to work on, to attend to, and to love for the rest of my life. I hope you feel the same. Good luck God bless!
2006-11-30 04:19:38 · answer #4 · answered by liberty_brooks 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only person in your life that can make you happy is YOU. If you are not happy with your husband then leave. Don't worry about his feelings because if you stay with your husband because you are afraid to hurt his feelings, well then plan on being miserable for the rest of your life. Also, be honest with your old flame. Too many people these days beat around the bush and don't tell the truth. You will get a lot further in life if you are open and honest. More people will respect you for that.
2006-11-30 05:16:17 · answer #5 · answered by Winnie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wish I had some wise words for you. The only thing I can think of is that you need to decide...do you love your husband or do you love the past more. Has your first love changed in 3 years...does he still love you?
I feel you are contemplating leaving your husband for your first love. think about it before you do it.
You said your husband gives you anything you want.....
having material things means nothing if the love, respect isn't a part of that.
WARNING**** Make sure your memory of your first love is not clouding your judgement before you make a decision.
Best wishes to you...truly. Be happy!!
2006-11-30 04:23:49 · answer #6 · answered by samantha H 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you've been regretting your marriage for awhile now. Like since its inception. You are already deceiving your husband, and your ex-boyfriend. Could you at least be honest with yourself?
You aren't just torturing yourself, you are torturing your husband, who by the way, sounds like a stand-up guy. If you want out, get out. If all you want is a little something on the side, please don't give us the details.
2006-11-30 04:28:18 · answer #7 · answered by Firespider 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Quite a pickle! You have to figure out why you're miserable with your husband first & foremost. Talk with your husband & get things worked out. If after you've talked & still feel the same, then perhaps you should decide why you married this man to begin with. Granted, old flames come through & stir up emotions but your first priority should be your husband & either working it out or getting out.
2006-11-30 04:17:36 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your unhappy in your marriage and you have tried to work it out then leave.
Make sure this guy feels the same way about you before you make a big mistake.
2006-11-30 04:17:32 · answer #9 · answered by roxanne 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You left him, because he wasn't good enough for you, and now that he has made something of himself, you want him back. Well, if he's willing to be with you, then leave your husband, since you are already on the road to cheating on him and go with your ex.
2006-11-30 04:15:42 · answer #10 · answered by Lovebug123 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋