I have a good guy friend (not my bf) who is having a very hard time in his marriage. He seeks me out for a listening ear and occasional advice. His wife has been having an affair with her former high school sweetheart since last Feb. They were still together trying to work it out until October, then he moved out. She is still seeing the bf, and my friend has paid a retainer to an attorney. However, the wife is now telling him to hold off on filing because she doesn't know what she wants. This really has my friend messed up. In the mean time, he has started to see another friend of ours who he is developing a real interest, and this friend is a really great person. I don't know what to tell him anymore. I really feel like he needs to follow his head and not his heart, because he does still have feelings for the wife and they do have a son together. She has gone back and forth so much that I think she is just throwing my friend a bone to keep him around. What do you think?
2006-11-30 04:03:33 · 16 answers · asked by babyred 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think he needs to dump the wife faster than you can say 'cheating pig'.
As far as the other woman......does she know what's going on? If so, and she's willing then she and he can hook up. Maybe she would be good therapy for him, but he needs to let the wife go. She's worthless as a human being and needs to go ruin her own life instead of the whole family.....kids included. They need to go to him and live with him.
Then while he's hanging out with the friend. he can get his head together.
Sad situation.
Cheaters suck @ss.
2006-11-30 04:23:10 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
At this point, the wife has broken your friend's trust/respect. He could attempt to salvage the relationship but doing so puts him in the position of possibly be hurt again. He needs to decide if he is willing to take that chance, and if he is, he needs to be prepared for that possibility. If he decides to leave, then he should move forward with his attorney. Regardless if there is a child in the picture, he needs to do what he feels is right for him. Sticking around just for the child could ultimately impact the child. Children can read body language better than most adults. They listen when we aren't expecting and end up knowing more then we could ever imagine. Why "fake it" for the child's sake when down the road, they may just wish they would have gotten divorced anyway. Hope that helps.
2006-11-30 12:25:38 · answer #2 · answered by Cori 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
(whew) that was almost confusing there... but as I try to make sense of it all, I'll reply with this... The man who's married should continue on with filing. The wife may be trying to figure out what she wants, but she should have had it figured out when they got married. The man was put on the back burner while the wife cheated. It seems to me that the man is not who she wants or else she would have sat down & talked with him to work things out. Communication is vital in every relationship. He has every right to divorce her, regardless of children involved. If it's not a working marriage at best, then there's no sense in staying together for the kids sakes. While I realize it's hard on children when parents get divorced, sometimes it works out for the best. Now having said that, on the other side of the coin here: If they are BOTH willing to go to counselling & begin communicating with eachother, then perhaps a shot at putting it back together might work. The wife has to want to be with her husband & not continue down the path she was previously on or else they'll end up right back where they are now. Trust & honesty play a huge part in a relationship, without those 2 it's virtually impossible for it to work. She violated many vows for whatever reasons & she needs to take responsibility for her actions. In order to fix anything, they have to get to the root of the problem first & work it out.
2006-11-30 12:12:16 · answer #3 · answered by its_me_horses 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell him to file for the divorce. But take it slow with the new girl.
If his ex is having an affair, and that affair is still going on, then there is no hope for the marriage, and who would want to be married to a woman they can not trust.
If he takes it slow this new girl may or may not be the right one for him, but after the divorce it allows him to start at square one with a clean slate to find out what direction to take.
But must likely this ex is playing mind games with him.
2006-11-30 12:10:02 · answer #4 · answered by David G 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yea, I think so too. But for now, I think the BEST advice is to stay out of it. Let him make his own decisions and DO NOT GET INVOLVED.... Seriously! I have been there, done that. And the biggest mistake I made was Pushing my point of view out there and when him and his wife got back together, I was the hated one because I didnt think they should be together because all they did was fight and she cheats... and all the same things shes doing to your friend. Well, they get back together, and then FINALLY when they actually do break up and split, he comes back and tells me he doesnt want there to be hard feelings... YEARS later... I agree, because I dont hold grudges, but it still sucked to not be friends all that time because of my accurate opionions. So keep your nose out of it. Dont give opinions till he has FINALIZED whatever it is that he is going to do. Good luck
2006-11-30 12:07:59 · answer #5 · answered by Angel Eve 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with you. She is stringing him along and taking him for granted. You are a great friend to support him like you are. He needs to follow through with his divorce and stay single for a while to get himself together. He shouldn't jump into another relationship so quickly. His son will respect him more when he grows older and understands better, staying together for a child is not healthy. If you get some great answers, show him might help him make a decision. Good luck! God Bless!
2006-11-30 12:08:05 · answer #6 · answered by HereweGO 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are a great friend for listening, But it sounds to me that he doesn't know what he wants either. I would suggest that he goes through counseling and figure out what he wants before getting involved with someone else and hurts her feelings also. That relationship might be a transition and that is not fair to the parties involved.
2006-11-30 12:09:22 · answer #7 · answered by Myriam C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, maybe its not even his kid, but the relationship isn't anymore. If she has been with her high school sweetheart for almost a year, then they are in love or very confused. To make it simple, your pretty close. Always go with the heart , once a cheater always a cheater. communiation is the key to relationships. Your freind need s to be honest with this new girl
2006-11-30 12:16:22 · answer #8 · answered by manfromblueriver 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get a divorce and do things the right way. Sounds like he needs to time alone to figure himself out. He doesnt need a rebound chick. If they like each other, then she will still be around later.
2006-11-30 12:09:43 · answer #9 · answered by Gyasi M 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Although I admire his commitment to his family, I think you are right. As pain full as it may be for him it is time for him to move on and be with someone he can develop a relationship built on mutual respect and trust.
2006-11-30 12:28:59 · answer #10 · answered by open_phunguy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋