A man who thinks that the only way he is going to get a girl is if he has money. Did he just have a few bad experiences with women who were gold digger types or see his mother constantly look to his father to buy her lots of stuff? Any advice for a female trying to be in a relationship with a man like this, when I don't care about how much money he has?
2006-11-30 03:45:45 · 36 answers · asked by Hazel 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
It seems he equates love with money,"If I dont have money I cant have love"
2006-11-30 03:46:40 · update #1
He has a job and a middle class income.
2006-11-30 03:56:56 · update #2
He is insecure about himself and his lovability. Suggest spending time with him in parks, watching t.v., or going for a walk--things that are for free--this speaks volumes to him that you couldn't care less about how much money he has--that you enjoy the simple things in life with him.
2006-11-30 03:51:42 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems to me that he simply equates money with happiness, not just love. As for the reason behind it? Who the hell knows. It could've been gold-diggers, or a mommy thing, or maybe he just watches MTV Cribs too much.
I used to be like that, and every time I'd try to impress a girl I'd nearly drain my bank account on her, thinking that if she thought I had all this money to burn that she'd like me. And all I had to show for iut was massive amounts of debt. Sadly, it took me hitting rock bottom to realize what was wrong.
If you want to try and be in a relationship with this type of guy, my best advice would be to keep it as simple as possible. My first serious relationship after I learned my lesson was with a girl who was more comfortable eating Chinese takeout on the couch than in a fancy restaurant, and preferred an afternoon at the arcade playing air hockey than lavish gifts showered upon her. She had a great time, and I felt great because I was making her happy AND not spending all of my money to do it.
My point is, it may be an uphill battle to get it through this guy's head that there are more important things than money. And if he doesn't realize you're worth it, then that's not the kind of guy you need.
2006-11-30 07:30:12 · answer #2 · answered by randomthoughtpatterns 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Run away!
He was probably raised that way and also has a low sense of self-worth which is reflected in the kind of women he's drawn to. He also may have some misogyny (hatred of women) issues as a result of his experiences that you may not want to deal with. I would ask myself why you want to be in a relationship with this man - do you think you can "fix" him or "show him love" until he wakes up? He won't. That's a dangerous pattern a lot of us women get into - If so, that's a dangerous type of relationship for you.
Men who have low-self worth or who have such rigid opinions about women often project their problems onto their partners and treat them badly. It's not up to you to convince him, it's his job to fix himself and deal with his emotional problems. If he thinks he is worthless and you like him - then guess what that makes *you* in his eyes? Worthless too, and a target of his anger towards women.
I would move on to someone else less damaged who is able to appreciate who you are *RIGHT NOW* without needing any "convincing", (Don't you think you deserve that? If you don't, you probably have self-worth issues too!) unless you are bound and determined to experience this kind of potentially painful relationship. I mean really, you're a woman, and to him women are goldiggers and blah blah blah, so you've already got a mark against you right at the beginning. Ugh. That does not bode well for the future.
Personally, I think you deserve much more than that, and a relationship like this is a lot of "WORK" and relationships should be harmonious and joyful. Get a guy who thinks highly of women - he'll treat you well.
2006-11-30 05:02:51 · answer #3 · answered by orphicart 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think females have a built in genetic impulse to go for guys with money--it means security for them and for any babies, so its not unreasonable and it would fit in with biology too. That being said, I don't like it. There are some great guys out there, loving, sweet, kind, gentle men who would make great husbands or boyfriends or dads who girls/women totally ignore because they either don't have much money or don't have glamorous careers. I do not know how girls/women can put so much emphasis on glittering rocks--diamonds, or shiney metal, jewelery. Wow, they expect a guy to give up two months' salary from hard sweaty work to buy his girl/woman a diamond. Absurd. Still, some money is necessary. Some nice gifts are totally appropriate, I just don't think that two months' salary is an appropriate price.
2006-11-30 03:52:58 · answer #4 · answered by jxt299 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Over the years it has been established that the man is supposed to take care of the women and provide for them and that is one reason he might feel that way. Also, in today's society there are a lot more women out there that do look at a mans pocket book to determine whether he is worth dating. All you can do is keep reminding him that you are not with him for his money and show him that you are an independent women.
2006-11-30 03:53:22 · answer #5 · answered by Winnie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can blame your own kind for that. Reality creates preception. For so long women have made money or the ability to support them the primary reason for chosing a mate. Not all women are like this, but enough to create the sterotype.
It is fact that men chose women mostly on physical appearances and women chose men based on their ability to support them and their offspring. Most of the time this is confused as "love". In reality, they "love" what the other person represents to them, not who the other person is. Sooner or later they figure out that it doesn't matter how beautiful she is or how rich he is, they don't like each other and eventually they get divorced.
One constant in the universe is: Money attracts beauty and beauty attracts money.
Or as Willie Nelson once said: "If there is one thing I've learned in life it's 'money makes women horny'.
It's amazing how an unattractive man becomes allot more attractive when he's rich.
Sam Kinison once joked "My girlfriend came to me after going through all my money in about a year and said 'Sam, I think we should break-up. Somethings missing in our relationship.' I said 'It wouldn't be THE MONEY WOULD IT!!!"
Not all women think like that, but enough do to convince men that this is the way of relationships with women.
Advice? Besides telling him you don't love him for his money? Show him. Suggest things to do together that don't cost much or anything. Don't expect gifts. Tell him you don't need them to love him.
2006-11-30 03:57:07 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Every non rich guy has had experiences with money stressing relationships. We also see young girls with guys who obviously have money. Poor guys can't take you to nice dinners, or on vacations or buy you decent presents.
It is really a factor. That said, I now have plenty of money and no prospect for a girlfriend.
But your guy already has you, so he is just having low self esteem and wants reassurance. You would be an angel if you make it your mission to make him feel like a man. Let him know he can please you and that you think you can count on him to be a man and protect you.
2006-11-30 03:58:50 · answer #7 · answered by tenbadthings 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My fiance is the type to tihink "If I cannot provide, I am not worthy".
Maybe he is just looking to take care of you? That is a common philosophy among men, and an admirable one. It has taken me a long time to help my fiance to understand that money isn't what I care about. I had to sit down and tell him, "as long as we have a roof over our heads, a home, and the basic necessities, we'll be OK."
So it probably stems from the stereo-types of women being shopaholics, mixed with his desire to be the breadwinner. Only through your actions and words can you teach him it's not the way he thinks. You also might want to ask him WHY he thinks/feels that way, to be sure it's not something you've done/said to make him feel that way, even if it wasn't meant to do that.
2006-11-30 03:50:20 · answer #8 · answered by snowbunnygirl1980 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
None of the above, because there is too many men out there that are lazy and don't want to work full-time, stay home with ma ma and don't make enough money to do anything much. So When a girl looks for a man and if he doesn't make money, are they supposed to live on a couch watching TV everynight!
2006-11-30 03:49:27 · answer #9 · answered by DrPepper 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men are very confused about what women want. They see so many people talk about trying to find a guy with money. It's also a self esteem issue. We men seem to think that it is our place to be able to take care of our girls as best as possible and we feel better about ourselves when we have money in our pockets. Talk to him about the reasons you think he's such a great guy and that money isn't on your list of qualities in a man.
2006-11-30 03:55:04 · answer #10 · answered by vanhammer 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
threw out history men have been hunters and providers ,in the modern world same thing only modernized we feel that if there is no money to show her a good time or to take care things we feel less than ,worthless, like we are not holding up to our obligations as the provider this has been going on for millions of years , times have change but the human animal hasnt changed that much the instincts are still there
2006-11-30 03:53:56 · answer #11 · answered by bulldog0217 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋