What to do if you wife would rather be at the bars on weekends?

Question

My wife through the week she a good wife and a good mother. I've tried to make her happy but since she went to a bar (which I didn't know she was going to until after it happend) and she changed. She went the first week and I didn't mind as much because I thought maybe it was a one time thing. Well the next weekend she went back out with her same friends and she says her friends left her there at the bar by herself. She ended up riding with a guy she went to school with and she ended up passing out in his car. She said the next thing she remember was being carried from the hood of his car back to the seat that she passed out in. She never told me about this until the next day I asked her about it because she left our house in one pair of close and came back with another set of cloths with was a short skirt and she bought some thongs. She tells me that he just done this and she didnt' know but later she told me that she remembers parts of what happened. After this she is still going out

She doesn't seem to care when she goes out. I have always asked her to keep her phone on incase I need to get ahold of her. Well I can at 10:00pm 1:00am and I might get an answer by 3:00am. I've had people tell me that she is all over guys there but I can't just go in because I'm at home with our 2 childeren that is 2 yrs old and our 8 month old. I love my kids and I don't want to have to go a day without seeing them but I can't keep latting this happen. The kids are the reason this has went on for 3 months every single weekend sometimes Friday and Saturday or something just one night because I don't want to do without them. What can I do to change the way she feels or is it best to just get a divorce and cut out the stress?

Answer 1

dude, there is definitely a problem. ask her to stop doing that, or else you need to seriously re-consider your marriage. sorry.

Answer 2

It sounds like your wife is headed in a direction that could cause serious damage to your marriage. I would sit down with her and reassure her that you love her and think she is a wonderful wife and mother but when you see her bar hopping and drinking to the point of blackout, you are truly concerned and it is making her look like she has no self respect. When she is doing that she is still a mother, just because her kids are not with her doesn't mean they won't suffer from her behavior. Remind her that she is a mother and ask her how proud would her kids feel of when she is in that state. Ask her if that is how she wants to represent her husband and children. Even if it only on weekends it is not appropriate and not worth it. I wouldn't get angry in your conversations because that will push her away and she won't hear you. A wife and mother should not be sitting in a bar alone and intoxicated catching rides from other men. It is absolutley disrespectful to you and I would not tolerate it for one minute. But you have to be careful how you handle it.

Answer 3

honey, I really hate to say this, but it sounds like she might have something going on. why wouldnt she call you for a ride home? why does she carry spare clothes ( a short skirt)? Maybe this guy took advantage of her and she feels guilty, which is crazy, unless she was very willing at the time, but either way I suggest you two see a councelor, and she stops going to the bars without you. And if all else fails call me! I'm always looking for a southernguy to keep company! ;)

Answer 4

Stopping it could be easy. You might end up with one night without seeing your kids as much as you like, but one night to save your marriage, I think you can see which is better.

Ask one of your friends to watch the kids the night she's going out, but don't let your wife know. Hang out with your kids, and call at 10:00 like you've been doing... then actually go over there. Stay in the back and shadows, and watch her. As soon as you see her doing something you don't want her to, come out, and grab her, and say straight to her face, "What are you doing? This stops now. No more going out for you. If you want to keep going out, you'll have to divorce me. I'm not going to be played for the fool."

Take her hand and walk out. If she doesn't follow, then don't drag her. Go home, take your kids, get a hotel or go to a friend's or your parents' or wherever you can, but get away from her. If she does follow, make it clear that this has stopped, that she's not going out any more, and that she has violated your trust and it is up to her to earn it back, but if she works to earn it back then forgive her. Leave it in the past, don't get details... you don't need them.

Answer 5

She is cheating on you, a personality change like you mentioned is a huge sign.

Until she confesses and begs your forgiviness and wants you back the marriage is over, but even then it may be over if you can't forgive.

Get a buddy, to follow her, the reasons she goes out with the same friends is she knows they won't talk. The reason she "Passed out" was because she stayed at the guys house that night.

I am sorry.

Answer 6

You guys need help. See if she will go to counseling. Are you giving her what she needs physically? Go to the gym and get real buff!! Are you too comfortable? It may not just be physical either. Are you guys having other problems? I do think she cheated on you or will soon. Try something new or exciting. Maybe have sex in a different place than usual..try to spice it up. But I do think it is a HUGE issue.

Answer 7

If I was you I would tell her:

"What happened sounds like a minor fault in judgment, but going back into the same situation is not acceptable. Your going back is now just asking for the same thing to happen again. Its your choice to go back, but if you do don't come back. I can make an appointment for us to see a divorce lawyer or a marriage counselor. Its your call, because I am not going to stand for this."

Answer 8

You need to read the writing on the wall and figure out from her if she is still commited to you and your kid(s). She may need some help if she is drinking to the point that she doesn't remember things that happen. Riding home with other guys and not know "what happened" is not a situation that anyone should be in.

Answer 9

As a happy, faithful, & loyal wife of almost 9 yrs., I think I know what's going on. This may not be as bad as you fear. While I love my husband more than life, it is nice to feel attractive. It feels good to know that other men find us attractive. It was, however, inappropriate for her to drink to the extent of passing out as well as getting in the car with another man. Talk to her about this honestly, & set some boundaries.

Answer 10

What is wrong with you, obviously your wife does not care about you or her kids, you need to divorce her and take the kids with you, she obviously is not fit to keep them herself. I am sure you can prove she is unfit in more than one way, you have plenty of people telling you what she is doing, now what you need is for one of them to have a camera phone and take some much needed pics. of her acting out, Get her away from you and the kids she is no good

Answer 11

She might be cheating on you, try to make things more exiting around home.plan something for the weekend.Take her somewhere she always wanted to go, have a romantic dinner and try new things in the bedroom.Give her flowers more often, tell her you love her at least 3 times a day.Then she might not want to go to bars anymore.