I have been married for 4 years now to a guy I met at church, I knew he had a mental illness before I married him but fell madly in love with him and over looked his illness. He also had drug and alcohol problems and this made things pretty bad to cope with. He became abusive when he was unwell and then when he was drunk as well I would run as I became so scared of him. 6 months after we were married he became unwell mentally and very insecure accusing me of cheating on him with my ex who is my sons father from a relationship some years earlier. I had never been unfaithful and left him ranting only to find he had burnt our house down and left me and my son with nothing. He was imprisoned for 12 months and has since been in 3 more times because he refuses to stop drinking and taking drugs which is breaking his parole and making me more scared of him. I recently met a guy who ive fallin in love but I chose to stay with my husband because I wanted to see if he will change this time.
2006-11-30 03:20:55 · 30 answers · asked by sweetlilyxx 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Good heavens woman, since when did "I love him" become a valid excuse for turning off your brain???
You would willingly put your son in danger by staying with this guy? Don't be stupid. People like this DO NOT change. Get away from him today.
2006-11-30 03:27:50 · answer #1 · answered by SLWrites 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Okay, change comes from within. Just remember that a person will not change unless they want too!!!! From the sounds of it, you know that it wont change. You can lie to yourself, but not to your heart. Try putting your son & you first. Do you want this kind of lifestyle??? Your only hurting you & your son!! This guy is not worth it!!!! You have Red Flags every where, you just choose to ignore them. You hold the answer!!!! It sounds like the relationship that you had with your ex ended and he's the father of your kid!!! That should have been a stronger bond than your husband! But you were able to let go. The question i ask you, is why cant you let go now. I would also advise that you spend sometime alone to focus on what you really want for the next person you date or marry??? Sometimes we as women look into a guy that treats good for the moment & since we are not happy in the relationship that we are currently in, we feel like its love. It's not love. Love is a pure emotion that does not cause pain. So love yourself & your child!!!! Walk away. Your Husband wont change!!!!!! Good Luck!!!!
2006-11-30 03:37:29 · answer #2 · answered by sheriff groupie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well where can I start from first he will not change if he doesn't what to. One day if you stay with him you will be hurt physically. what about your son seeing this all the time, he might grow up thinking this is noemal. SO you need to get a divorce from him and make sure you and your son stay away from him. Well a little secret if he wanted to change after the first time in prison he would have known better than go to back in 3 more times. You should have left him a long time ago. So now that you have found a guy that is nice and treat you better and you bth love each other what's stopping you from divorcing him, nothign just you. So you want to be happy divorce him and live happily.
2006-11-30 03:31:18 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
People don't really change that much. Especially after they get married - they tend to go "okay this is it I am going to put on my sweatshirt and big socks and kick back because I am hitched."
On top of that you've got your husband's mental illness which isn't going to change, PLUS his substance abuse addictive personality which isn't going to change, PLUS his physical abuse personality that won't change but only get worse (which, any guy who hits a woman should be dragged out back behind the dumpster and shot three times behind the left ear, no counseling, no trial, no second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh, 122nd chance, nothing), PLUS the ex thing PLUS the step child PLUS your pastor probably telling you to stay with this as$hole, I mean... JESUS - can you cram a few more pages of drama into your life?
First, take a look at YOU.
Why do you *have* to always be with a man? Do men define you? Where's YOUR personality, YOUR ambition, YOUR maturity, YOUR self-image, without a man around?
Why do you keep "falling in love with" (like you don't have a choice) these losers, and then sleeping with them? The fact that you keep ending up with psychos says a lot about *you*, not them.
Once you can grow a spine and start examining why there is such a sh*t storm swirling around you wherever you go, then evaluate the relationship. There a few things in life that are one-strike and he's out deals, and HITTING YOU is one of them.
Leave and never look back. It cannot be repaired, least of all by the likes of someone like you who no offense hasn't a clue who she is or what she wants to do in her life. And you are already responsible for another human life? Stop having kids until you get the basics figured out.
Seriously. End it. As your pal Jesus would say, "shake the dust off your feet." WWJD? He'd kick that freak loser to the effing curb for good and stop getting knocked up by losers.
It might be harsh but honestly it's what you need to hear.
2006-11-30 03:41:51 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's been abusing you for years and even burned your home down? What are you waiting for? RUN for your life!! I would not even contemplate going back with that man. Your life and your sons life is on the line here. Why continue to put yourself in a dangerous situation. He's not going to change until he decides to stops drinking and taking drugs. I think you need to focus on you and your son right now and get some professional for both of you. You need to both heal and restore from this situation and jumping into another relationship is not the healthiest thing for you to do right now. Think of your son. He must be suffering from this situation as well. Take care of you and your son and put off relationships for the time being. Good luck!
2006-11-30 03:35:00 · answer #5 · answered by jazz_lover_25 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do not feel divorce is an answer. However, I have an aunt who was married to a guy who was very abusive. He had her in the hospital over a half dozen times. When it comes to a point where your life or especial your child's life is on the line, you need to react. There are a number of programs out there that can get you into a home of your own and a job and get you started in life with out him. I think leaving him is a wise idea because you are talking about life or death just about. I don't recommend jumping right into another relationship though. Find out what your area has to offer women in need of help with abusive relationships.
2006-11-30 03:34:16 · answer #6 · answered by Abby 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You though he was the right person for you but... you notice it has gotten worst and you should be with other guy that you fall in love with. You husband choose not to quit drinking and drugs. but face it he have very very long time recovery right now might take 20 to 30 years finally he started get better. He already Burned down the house and left you and your son nothing.
I think it not a normal for you to choose your husband over a guy you falling in love with. Really you need to let husband go. You already been scared to death of yoru husband and now you putting your life and your son life in risk for staying with him... Really you need to end the marriage and move on and that guy you fall in love you notice that he has no bad history or mental Illness and so you felt good and free from your husband to new guy.
Really, if you don't you going back to same thing over and over for what next 20 40 years??? or just go with the guy who love you and take care of you and make sure you and your son support and loving caring, everything....
That what you should be thinking right now... just writ edown why you staying with your husband and other guy you falling in love. and I promise you that you will pick the guy you falling in love with because he made you feel love, safe, caring, everything than your husband.
Let me know how the results are making that big decision.
2006-11-30 04:03:24 · answer #7 · answered by greenbaypackers1920 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to say but it seems as if you have invested a lot of time in this man, and if you are still afraid and insecure when you are around him than that is not how you should feel when you are around your husband. He has been in and out of jail, you have tried hard, and he still hasn't changed, I am afraid to say that more than likely he probably will not change, after all the sufferring and pain that he has caused you, you are a courageous woman to even think of being with him, and its seems as if you are trying hard to change him but he is still dependent on drugs and alcohol and those things will not allow him to change to be the man you want him to be, so really think about what you are doing because your safety and that of your son is somewhat at risk being around this man, best of luck to you and I hope everything turns out well.
2006-11-30 03:31:54 · answer #8 · answered by narcsenforcelaw 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to leave this man, he has proven unstable and will not stop drinking or taking drugs and with a mental illness this will only continue to make him more unstable. You do what you think is best. However, keep in mind one day he may kill you in one of his rages, and also if you don't change your behaviors and choices you will keep getting what you have gotten. I know his behaviors must be very scary for you, however, imagine how horrible this must be for your child. Who has no choice in the matter, he can only deal with whatever you choose to have going on in his life. I wish you the best! Good luck and God bless****
2006-11-30 03:26:46 · answer #9 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need some help, too. First you had a child with another guy. Then you fell madly in love with a mentally ill drug abusing wife beater. Now you've fallen in love with yet another guy.....
Item #1 is to get your own head straight. Get some counseling and clean up your own act, if not for your sake then your child's.
2006-11-30 03:43:05 · answer #10 · answered by FatElvis 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋