Extremely unhappy????????How do i get through to him???

Question

I have been married to my husband now for three years and i am so unhappy.He gives me anything i could want a new car every year, i live in a big house, and i can buy almost anything i want.I feel so lonley though he is never around he is always at work his pet name for me is kid or the kid wife!it makes me feel like i am being put down.I talked to him about how i felt and he brought me home a dog!I currently know own 3 dogs , a cat, and 4 horses. Any time i bring up how i feel he buys me something the last talk i had with him about how i felt he said why dont we have a baby!This years vacation he could not make so he sending me and my best friend instead.We never go out anymore and when we do its to further himself job wise by net working.I have family and friends that i emotionally compinsate with but i want a husband?Is it me?

I am becoming attracted to other men is this normal?

Answer 1

omg i wish i had ur life style.......im looking for a guy like yours if you know any please inform me

Answer 2

All the money in the world cannot take the place over the love in ones life. It seems obviously you are not getting through to him at all and the feeling of being attracted to other men is perfectly normal because you are not getting what you need at home. Before you seek out other men tho you might want to give him a wake up call and leave for a long weekend or a week and spend it with your family. If he can honestly say he missed you while you were gone, you may have found that he truly cares for you. An unfortunate and sneaky way of doing it but its less cruel than seeking comfort in another mans arms!!! You might have to get up the nerve to give him an ultimatum more time with me or else...A CHILD would not be the smartest thing in the world! It won't make you happy, it will cause you resentment because not only will you be alone in marriage but you will be a lonely parent and that is not fair to an innocent child. I wish I could help you more, just my opinion hope its enough. GOD BLESS!!

Answer 3

You are very fortunate to have all you want in life, but material things in life is'nt everything you may want, you should have a baby, don't you want to be something more than just a housewife, you should look into something that you would like to do, there are many things to do, you could even open up a perfume shop or a candy store, anything that may tickle your fancy, dear you are blessed with the comforts of life, if you could do charity work, and make new friends do some traveling, if you keep your self busy your husband will eventually miss you, I think though that you should have a baby and your life will be much better, he will come around.

Answer 4

Good question indeed.
It is normal to get attracted to others..
perhaps.. ur husband can not understand ur problem..
bcoz the thinking of man and woman are very different..
I have read a book and Found everything same as stated.. Check out
"Man are from Mars and Girls are from Venus"
also u should try 2 say him straight that u don't want things ... all u want is his love.. not more money.. we have everything but no love at all... I only want one day a week 2 spend together..
Most probs.. going at outers with ur husband and remeber of the previous stuff he use 2 express his love. . that photographs, videos.. things will help u in making the light of love 4ever.
Always remember He loves u very much dats y he use to full fill all ur demand bcoz for him u r superior then nything else.. feel it... u may never find that strong true love again....

Answer 5

It is normal to be attracted to other men when you are being ignored and/or denigrated by your husband. Normal people want love and affection -- especially from their spouse who is supposed to love them and want to spend time with them. If a person doesn't get love and affection from their spouse they will find it elsewhere -- it's a fact of life. In fact he's pretty much set up a classic scenario in which the trophy wife cheats on her workaholic husband because what she wants is less stuff and more of his time.

I am not advocating you cheat on him, however. Because cheating on him stains your self-identity permanently. Stop now before you get to that point.

I would sit him down now and tell him that you do not have a marriage right now, that you would like a marriage with him, but if he does not have time for counseling, it's probably time to separate. Your attraction to other men is a warning sign that the end of your marriage is coming. Use that warning sign to warn HIM of this fact. Then the ball is in his court. He may not want to overcome his workaholic ways or he may-- that is his choice. All you can do is present him with the option and then be prepared to walk if he chooses work over you.

Good luck.

Answer 6

Sit him down and tell him, "you cannot keep buying me things to compensate for you not being here" He thinks money buys happiness...it does not. If you have a child, he will do the same thing to the kid. When he's on his death bed, he will not wish he spent more time at the office, I guarantee it. He needs to open his eyes and see what he's got and what he's at risk of losing. Other men is not the answer. You will be changing one problem for another. Someone once said "no amount of success can compensate for failure in the home" I believe that. Have you ever thought of counseling? It couldn't hurt.

Answer 7

All I can say is: please be patient. It sounds like he really loves you. A real man will provide for his wife. The main reason a woman cheats is because she feels emotionally neglected. Please hang in there. It is for better or for worse. Life is hard and it seems as though he is making it easy for you. I think all men should provide for their wives. When he comes home be sweet to him, dont complain all the time because that wont change anything it will just make it worse. The two of you- I am sure of it will have a good future together if you have patience. I wish you the best of luck sweetie. It sounds like you have a good man.

Answer 8

Some people express love through spending money. By spending money on you, he thinks he is showing you affection.

Sometimes a joke is the best approach. The next time he sends you and your best friend on a trip together, tell him, "Oh, great, that way we can go pick up guys without having you hanging arround." If he asks if you're joking, be evasive. "Oh, I might be..." "The thoght has crossed my mind..." "Oh, it's not like you'll be there to care, silly..." Don't say "yes" or "no."

Or when he gives you another puppy, say, "Oh, great! Jacob loves puppies." When he asks who Jacob is, say, "oops... you weren't supposed to know about him... don't worry honey, he just hangs out with me and comforts me and takes care of me since you're too busy..."

Or when he goes to buy your next new car, tell him to make sure it's got a big back seat. When he asks why, say, "For making out in, duh! Oh, but that will mean finding a guy to make out with. Oh, never mind. I know who." Then be evasive when he asks who. Things like, "Well, whoever is just hanging arround her. Which isn't you..."

If he gets mad, tell him (and make sure it's true) "It was just a joke, honey. You know I'd never really cheat on you. Just random thoughts comming together in what I think is funny." If he stays mad, say, "Well, make the random thoughts go away, if you don't like them. They come because I spend so much time thinking about how nice it would be to have a man with me..."

In all of it, keep your voice light hearted, not angry or mean or upset, like it's all no big deal if you did and no big deal if you didn't and no big deal if he fixes it and no big deal if he doesn't.

Answer 9

I know exactly how you feel. This happened to me, and this is how I dealt with it. Perhaps my experience will be timely.
Let's deal with your red flag FIRST. DO NOT, under any circumstance, cheat on your husband. That would further demean you, and the blow to your already dwindling self esteem would be massive.
It sounds like you've already talked with your husband a few times about your feelings, and he doesn't care about fulfiling your emotional needs, just your material needs by giving you more possessions.
So.....what I did was get busy myself. I got a caretaker for the possessions, and spent many hours and months bettering myself. I took classes at the nearby university, I volunteered at the senior center, I learned how to make fancy wedding cakes! I know, not for everyone, but it was fun!
I set out to find joy and peace in my life in those seemingly never ending hours when he wasn't around. I wasn't available to him sometimes when he needed to network, and I wasn't about to cancel a class of mine to be at his beck and call.

Thankfully he wasn't a control freak or abuser, so he never laid a hand on me 'making' me 'obey' his wishes.

After 13 months of me getting busy, he finally came to me and said he wanted thing to be the way they used to be. I sat him down and told him it was never going to be that way again. Basically I told him I was a human being with needs and feelings, and if he wasn't willing to fulfill some of those, we'd have to divorce.
It wasn't an overnight thing....after 2 years, we're still learning how to fulfill each other. It's not perfect, but it's LIVABLE, not just EXISTABLE. And I'm still busy, expanding my soul.

Answer 10

Although you've talked with him about how you feel... you need to continue talking to him. Explain to him that it's not "things" you want because you're sad.. it's HIM you want & because you're spending so much time apart it's affecting you emotionally. Material items are not going to solve this issue... & it needs to be made abundantly clear to him. Explain to him that he means more to you than all these things he's buying. If his behavior doesn't improve after explaining these things then at that point you have 2 options... Either get him into couseling or divorce him. Unless you want to spend the rest of your life feeling lonely because he's not willing to compromise, I suggest the latter of your options. Having a career is one thing... & it's great he wants to further it, but at what expense? It appears to me his job is more important than you & to try & satisfy you he buys you something. Not a very good trade. Perhaps you could tell him that you don't want to trade time with him for something he buys. Anyone can buy something for someone, but it doesn't mean anything if you're not giving of yourself. I would say it's normal for you to be looking at other men... you're seeking companionship. I wouldn't cross any lines to satisfy your loneliness until you find out if your husband is going to give you what you want & need the most... which is himself. * A little note here.. speaking from experience... sometimes you have to hit them upside the head with a baseball hat to get them to see the light. (Not literally of course) but something needs to shake them out of their skin. They become so involved in what they're doing they forget that there are others around them that need their attention, & they tend to take advantage of the fact that their spouse just sticks around.

Answer 11

Have u tried to tell him that things need to change, tell him ur true feelings. I know it will be hard but if u want things to work out then its worth that shot.

but it kind of sounds like you want out.... see i was in the same situation a few yrs ago.... my ex had it all and then in turn gave it to me (i was even engaged to him , in the middle of planning the wedding.).. .... he showered me with gifts to show his love for me.... after 3 yrs i called it quits and met my husband... who doesn't;t have everything and can;t give me the world. but he shows me everyday that he loves me and its not with gifts, he can make me laugh for hours and we both work hard for what we have and in the long run we appreciate it much more. u know what i couldn't be happier. And i wouldn't think about having kids with him just cause ur lonely... yes a baby will give you the love and comfort that u are looking for but so can a new relationship, or maybe in the one that u are in .. if u want to put the effort into it.

Good luck