My boyfriend supports me financially. I only get child support for my son. We have a 8 mo old, my 8 yr old son and a baby on the way. Now he wants to move in his two kids because their mother got evicted and cant keep them. They are 8 and 11 and have learning disabilities which I can not seem to deal with. I don't like it when they come over everyother weekend. I feel like they take time away from my son and I spending time together because all tey do is play video games. There father usually sits on the couch adn watches tv. I am angry that he now expects me to take care of his children along w/ mine and him. That is extra laundry, cleaning, food prep, dishes, etc. He thinks that is womens work and I am supposed to want to do that and want to be motherly to his kids. I argue back that I am not their mother and he needs to stand up and participate as a father. I also tell him I barely have time for myself now, and he wants me to do more work for his kids. He works late too.
2006-11-30 02:21:28 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Have a serious heart to heart (calmly) and if he feels that he is allowed to not be an active parent because he is paying for you and your child then...really reconsider WHY you are in this relationship with him in the first place. yes, those kids of his were and still are a package deal. Are you truly happy with him? Do you feel you have to stay with him because of the $, the baby on the way or because you may have an issue with your own self esteem? Really, do you feel that you deserve this relationship? Are you trapped? Follow you own personal goal...we set one when we are young, is this the goal or life that you orginally thought you would have? I know that his ex is one hot mess, obviously she needs to find a place to live so that she can care for their kids. Do you really want her to care for the kids anyway?
Is she capable if the kids are hanging around playing video games? Are you willing to step up and make rules in the house since you are the "actual" caregiver? Do you want to? Are you worried that any type of family rule that you consider won't work because your guy won't follow through? So many questions to ask yourself. Follow your gut...believe it or not, it's generally right.
Might I suggest that IF you elect to get out of this relationship/situation...you make a master plan and not just get up and leave, kids in tow and not know what you will do at that given moment. Do you have an family to aid in this? Follow your gut...is it worth it to be happy and respected?
2006-12-01 01:03:49 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ewww, Bad Situation.
I can understand not wanting to raise some other mothers children, completely. And it doesn't sound like shes done that great of a job if all they do is play video games. At ages 8 and 11 it seems to me that you would be strapped with the mistakes of her bad parenting and those childrens behaviors will "rub off" on your children.
But here is the part you aren't gonna want to hear. Your boyfriend supports you and your children and has accepted your son openly. He gives you the blessing of being able to stay home and raise your kids yourself, and believe me that is a blessing. Maybe you should give him a time limit (no more than 6wks) that should be plenty of time for their mother to find them a place to live. But explain to him that if you agree to temporary help that you are not willing to extend the time frame, and their own mother will be responsible for their health and well being after that.
Sometimes things come up in a relationship that we REALLY don't want to do, but doing them is the right thing to do to preserve our own families.
Sorry for your stress, Good Luck
2006-11-30 02:35:47 · answer #2 · answered by DeltaQueen 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is important that you set rules and expectations that are respectful of his age and that give structure to your home. Things like curfew, chores, grade expectations etc. should be set up and decided on, he is old enough to help around the house but also old enough to deserve respect and some freedom. You may want to let your husband take the front seat in discipline, but you and he should show a united front on the issues and decisions. It is important that you give him time to adjust but at the same time let him know what is and is not acceptable from the beginning. If you have a good relationship with her you may want to talk to the mother or have your husband do so in order to understand what he is used to at home. If he has a 11:00 PM curfew there and you give him a 8:00 PM curfew he will feel distrusted, whereas a 2:00 AM curfew may be more freedom than he can responsibly handle, knowing what the norm is for him will help.
2016-05-23 04:52:38 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you might just wanna do the extra work. It'll be good for you, though it may upset you quite a bit. I'm an experienced mother too. My brother is 38 and my mom's 56 and they dont wanna spend 40 dollars on a washer and dryer so, guess what I let them use mine. I have 3 kids and am a single mom and my advice to you is don't be dicouraged. One day you may need them to take you in and care for you. Deep down inside you know you need to just get up a little earlier and do the added work.
2006-11-30 02:38:43 · answer #4 · answered by fe2bsho 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Unfortunitely, you can't change anybody but yourself. If you don't like the life you have with him (and I sure wouldn't want it), about all you can do is leave. You might try marriage counselling, but views on gender roles in society don't usually respond to that since it's not marriage related. Good luck straightening things out.
2006-11-30 02:26:31 · answer #5 · answered by nursesr4evr 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well i look at it like this are you guys planning on getting married or are you just shacking. first off if you date ,plan to be with marry anyone who haves kids it is a package deal no if ands or buts . he needs to be active in yours as well as his children life.
you no what just tell the brother to get his own place and if you guys really plan on becoming a family. do the damn thing until then he needs to wake up and see family and team is the same thing in a sense
2006-11-30 02:35:45 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
How selfish can one person get? He took YOUR son in along with you, but yet you don't want his? How can those children be taking time away from you and your son if all they do is play video games while they are there? You need to grow up.
2006-11-30 02:28:50 · answer #7 · answered by slick chik 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
youy know what you sound just like my ex-husbands wife! you knew he had those kids when you met him and you are fine as long as he is supporting you and your child, those are his kids and he should let them stay with him. if you cant handle it then move on. leave the man and you see how hard it is to make it without him supporting you! time for yourself....you are a mother there is no time for yourelf! you need to grow the fu(k up and stop acting like a spoiled child!
2006-11-30 02:28:32 · answer #8 · answered by crazylady1193 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
good luck
you failed to mention if he moved into your home/house
or you moved into his. It matters as your not married. And you have you 8 yr old living there also.
Sounds like he is trying to take advantage of you in your financial situation. Up to you, to open your mouth and express yourself.
2006-11-30 02:35:49 · answer #9 · answered by bill45310252 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You would have to explain to him why you dont want his kids to move in. If there is a really good reason, like the one your saying, then your boyfriend is going to have to understand, and if he doesn't, then something is wrong
2006-11-30 02:25:45 · answer #10 · answered by Murphy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋