My boyfriend still has a joint account with his ex-wife..........?

Question

My boyfriend has 3 children with his ex-wife. We have been dating for 2 years, he has been divorced for 3. They share a bank account "for their children". He says they both put money in it periodically to use for the children. This bothers me because if him and I were to ever get married he has an account with another woman regardless of the reason. He pays monthly child support to her (ALOT) and his kids all have pre-paid college so I know the money is not used for that. Am I wrong for being irked by the fact that they still have a joint account?

Answer 1

Not at all! To an outsider that knows none of you it sounds like he does not want to break personal ties with her. He will forever be tied to her through the children.....but a shared account shows (to me) he wants a more personal tie.

Answer 2

That's strange to have a joint account with the ex after a divorce. He probably wants to keep the connection with his children and is afraid what his wife may take that away. You seem to have him started in the right direction by opening up a new account. His ex will always have an opinion about you but you can get know his children by attending special events at their school, birthdays, or holidays. Be patient because maybe this is how his ex wife may want you to react.

Answer 3

Well, right now you're "just" a girlfriend. However, you need to make it clear to him that this shared account will go before you *ever* decide to marry him.

If he pays child support, *that's* the money "for the children." If he's a good dad and pitches in extra when other things come up (like baseball uniforms or ballet items), then she can call him and say, "John, I need $45 to cover half of Little Joe's expenses for baseball." He can then send her a check.

It's very easy to stay involved in your children's lives and finances while not having a joint account. People do it alllllll the time.

Answer 4

Well, it is odd that he still has a joint account with his ex. But, this money probably still does go to his kids. Child support is to put a roof over their heads, food in their mouths, and clothes on their backs. This "extra" money from the account is probably used towards school field trips, medical treatments or emergencies, the newest and coolest must have toy, etc. It probably saves him time from having to write a check everytime the kids want something that their mother can't afford to get on her own.

Don't think of the account as one with his ex, but one for the kids and their just not responsible enough to take care of it themselves.

No matter how much time goes by, he will always have a tie with his ex because of the kids. At least this is one man who is being a descent dad.

Answer 5

i will try to be rational here, and see both sides. i havent heard of this before, and it does seem strange to me, in fact i dont think i would be too happy either! i would see it as some kind of tie to her, obviously the kids are a tie but that cant be changed, a bank account can! on the other hand, maybe they have agreed to put their kids interests first. but with him paying alot of money already through child support, that doesnt ring true. my guess is that she is using him big time, do you know if she deposits into this account or does she just withdraw? i think you would be quite right to raise questions and objections to this situation, have it out with him and tell him exactly what you think and how it is worrying you. good luck

Answer 6

I'd be irked too not to mention p.o'd at the same time. Hmmm....if you suspect he's not being honest (always go with your initial gut feeling) then have a talk with him. Do you know if the child support is court ordered? If it isn't then he and his ex I guess have an agreement for the kids financially. The one thing that sticks out regarding your situation is that if your boyfriend isn't being honest about this...what else is he hiding? I don't mean to heap on more contention but I'm just looking out for my sister females! It ain't easy being a woman!

Answer 7

The easiest solution is that your boyfriend can have his name removed from the account. This shouldn't be a problem as he will still be able to "put money in it periodically." I would believe that unless there is a significant amount in the account, he should have no problem with removing his name or opening another account separately for them.

I personally don't believe you are wrong for being irked about this.

Answer 8

been there, It is a crock. Once an ex is an ex then all ties should be broken and all accounts closed. I was divorced with children at one time but NEVER shared an account with my ex. That is what mailing a check covers. I have been in your situation and it feels really crappy. wonder how these men would feel if we women still shared an account with our ex husbands, I tell you what they would not like it and would not accept it. It feels really bad to be a third wheel in one checking account. If he wants an easy solution to child support....He needs to close account with his ex... open a new account and have direct deposit for his support!

Answer 9

If he has a joint account, I would question what else is he keeping from you.....like maybe she is a beneficiary for life insurance, still a co-owner of a home, car, etc. I understand the account might be for convenience sake but I would suggest he make other arrangements if I were in that situation. Divorce doesn't void a lot of legal things people assume it does.

Answer 10

You have a right to be irked... but I don't think you have a right to tell him how to deal with his children. I know it's hard, but the fact is, he was married, and he is trying to take responsibility for his actions during that marriage. I think that's a good thing.

Is it strange and do I see where it could be upsetting to you... yes. But really, what I'm wondering, is what harm is it actually causing to you?? Is he not spending money on you? Is he not taking care of your financial needs? Are you feeling like something more is going on with his ex? If it's just money, and there's nothing additional going on with the ex wife, I don't really see the problem. It sounds to me, like there's something else you're worried about.

Answer 11

Yeah u should feel wierd ! For one thing this guy has three kids and still has that x in the picture! He is used baggage! The kids and her will always come first .Its a fact! And you have been dateing 2 yrs? Thts a little too long with no marriage proposal but considering his finacial baggage its a good choice for him.Why buy the cow when u get the milk for free!Im sorry but your dude is a really bad catch! Dump him like a truck! Get a guy any guy better than him and his baggage!U deserve more!