At a crossroad with my lover?

Question

Hi all I have a question becuz I am confused?
I have been in a relationship for almost 4 years & yes we have had our ups & downs. My first problem is her friends, they have been a bad influence on her & she has admitted that that they have in some way. Also durin a stint of us bein mad @ each other she went out w/ nother man which mad me furious, now my trust has fallin with her & i found out some things with her and this guy that i didnt like...ie she send him a sexy e-card. With this bein upset i went off on her and us cryin ensued but I then jus stop speaking 2her altogether(this all happened w/in 3 weeks) she later shows up 2 my house 2 talk because i was ignoring her....i told her i didnt want 2 be back in this relationship becuz it has 2 hange & i dont think shes ready 2 change fully...i know she cares about me but i dont kno if shes ready.... in order 4 it 2 work she has 2 get rid of her bad influential friends and cut communication w/ his guy who she works with

so the things is her job on occasions goes out after work and has fun, now she wants to get back with me but i dont want her goin out and even bein around this guy due to them havin a little thing for each other and in order for us to move to the next level(marriage) this sneakin around isnt acceptable and i also want her to ditch her friends, not that i dont want her 2 have friends i think that they arent good friends for her....she has goals and her friends dont and on top of that her friends have been a pain in regards to our relationship....me not wantin her 2 be out with her work friends because of this guy and her dicthin her friends because they are no good does that seems controllin....i just eventually want the best thing for us and her friends arent helping in any way!!!!

Answer 1

Dump her and find someone who is mature and willing to commit.

Answer 2

Well, I would step back take a good look at what you just said. Your answer lies within your question.

She is not ready to settle down. She wants the best of both worlds. You are her foundation and the is wanting to have fun.....unfortunately, at your expense.

She is wanting to run with her friends. Now there is another man looking her way. Sure that is tempting. Just how far has she gone? Good question.

I think you should cut your losses and move on. She isn't going to change for you. She may say that she loves you. But as the saying goes.......NEVER HURT THE ONE YOU LOVE. You are hurting. Let her go. She needs to grow up a bit.

Answer 3

maybe a little bit of time and space between you should do the world of good.

i had a similar situation last year - my boyf and i were driving each other crazy, but we still loved each other. We took a complete break - no phone calls, no texts, no emails, no contact at all. Now, we can talk again, and we still care about each other, but we both know that we dont want to go back there, time helped us move on and see that we were just hurting each other in that relationship.

I'm not suggesting you split up, this is only my opinion, but perhaps a little time apart would help you both see clearly what youre looking for.
x

Answer 4

Really, being that I've been in this position before.....you more or less have no choice but to play the waiting game or cut it loose early. If she still chooses to go out, she's not willing to give up an infatuation of hers and therefore is trying to choose to have both, you, and someone on the side for any moment things dont start working out between you to.....she can have someone to fall back on to pick her back up. Sadly there's a lot of girls like that in the world, and probably just as many guys like that too. (It shows pretty poorly of the other guy as well for the fact that he probably knows she's already in a relationship and he's still trying to get closer to her). For both of your sakes, if she's not ready to make a commitment to YOU, you might as well cut the ties because you'll be in for a world of heartache later.

Answer 5

Deep love and unconditional love requires committment and
trust. You seem to lack both in this relationship. Love is not controlling but love seeks the other's interests first. A grown woman can choose whatever friends she wants, and a grown woman in love will do what is best for the relationship. So now what do you think, its your move./

Answer 6

If its this much trouble right now, why on earth would you want to marry her? There are many women in this world that aren't quite so complicated. Why fill your life with all this stress. Tell her to go and do her own thing and you go off and do your own thing,,,I can almost promise you'll be much happier.

Answer 7

Sounds like work is needed in the relationship.