why wont he get divorced?

Question

weve been together for two years and he says he wants to marry me,but he,s still married and in no rush to get divorce procedings going. he,s ex says that she wants to divorce him and shes better off financially then us,so is he just waiting for her to do it?

sorry to all of you who answered by saying that im a home wrecker,blah blah, but he had been seperated from her for 6 months b4 we got together and she is also with someone else.

Answer 1

Maybee hes not ready for the prospect of remarrying and getting divorced would make that option available to be approached, so rather than stepping into a position where he may have to hurt you by saying hes not ready for that level of a commitment he just wont get divorced. But never know. It could mean many things and its hard to say, but you'll never find happiness if you base it off signs and signals alone. Just ask him in a loving, non aggressive, non confrontational, non accusing, and accepting way why he hasn't done the necessary steps toward divorce. Thats the only way you will ever get an answer. All you'll get here are guesses. Thats my suggestion and I only suggest this because I used to read waaaay toooo much into everything my hunny did. Everything put me into panic because I was sure it was a sign. Then I learned to just ask and realize that uh, he's a man and does not function the same way I do. Sometimes theres just really nothing too it except that a man prioritizes differently than a woman. What characteristics does he value...that is what his priorities are in line with. If he holds providing as being what defines him as a good man than he will try to prove his love by working really hard and doing what it takes to provide for you. In his mind this would put divorce on the back burner on the priorities that will provide and prove love. He may not understand the importance of the divorce to you and what that symbolyzes, so just ask him why he hasn't and tell him why it is important to you....why you need it. I understand how this can feel very threatening, but know that if being with you wasn't what he wanted he wouldn't be there. He just probably doesn't get it....as men sometimes don't. If you open up the lines of communication I'm sure he will try to understand. He wants to be a good man, just be sure to not make him feel as if he is inadequate by not getting divorced. That is a very sensitive process that he needs to be allowed to complete at his pace with your support and understanding. You have a right to ask questions, but support him in his process all the same...you do diserve the reassurance you need though...just tell him that you need that reassurance in a non-accusing way. Thats your best bet for getting it.

Answer 2

A very simple answer...but you may not like it. However here goes;

He isn't divorcing her because she'll rake him over the coals money wise. Any kids in the marriage? Figure in child support. Does he own a house? Financial reasons there too if thats the case. Nothing worse than paying a mortagage on a place you don't live in.
Now you on the other hand....have your own place? Oh yeah...an out of the way place the wife doesn't know about where he can get laid in comfort and security...plus no costs for hotel rooms.
There's an old saying..."Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for nothing". Have I made my point here? Am I off the mark with the answer? Give it some thought. Take a good look at it and I think you'll see I'm right in this analysis. Of course its based upon speculation because you haven't provided many details but I think you'll come to the conclusion it's close to if not on target.

Answer 3

You can't be this blind!!....Do you actually think he is going to give up having the best of both worlds to struggle financially with you? He's playing you for a fool. Two years??!! And nothing is happening? He's not waiting for anything, he's got it all already. Find someone you can actually build a life with, not this guy. Ever heard the old saying 'if he'll do it with you, he'll do it to you.' ?You may not feel that way now, but even if he does get a divorce and marry you, how can you be sure YOU won't be the wife he cheats on next? you can't change him, but you can take yourself out of a REALLY bad situation. Even if it hurts now, how much can he really love you if he just keeps you hanging on, wasting your life and time? That isn't love. Open your eyes. See the light. Walk towards the light, no run towards it. Change your number, and drop this guy once and for all. Trust me he won't be all sad and alone after the breakup, that will be you. Realize that now and don't waste another day.

Answer 4

Is it an out in the open 2 years or sneaking around 2 years? You don't say if you've been living together, if they officially separated, if she knows about you etc; sounds like:

1.) he could tell you they are getting divorced and really aren't and he's just hanging on to the good life as long as he can.

2.) waiting for her to get fed up and file so he doesn't feel like such a heel.

3.) really has no intention of leaving and is telling you so he can have it both ways.

You need to be asking him this question. Not strangers in cyberspace.

My guess? He's comfortable, and until you make it less comforable for him he's going to try and maintain this as long as possible.

Answer 5

Because it is an age old story in which the husband seldom leaves the wife for the "other" woman despite how he feels and especially if she has the purse strings. Unless you are in the same financial position and can give him more than sex plus keep up his standard of living he hasn't any incentive. That's what you get for being a mistress. You should have demanded he get divorced prior to your involvement. If she did file divorce proceedings she would actually be able to get him for every last cent he had due to the infidelity in addition to his retirement if they were married for at least 10 years. Also, check the "alienation of affection" laws in your state. She may have grounds for suing you as well.

Answer 6

you are able to damage up even inspite of the actuality that your husband refuses. it is going to easily take longer and fee you larger. no matter if he divorces you or no longer, you're already residing separate lives and would bypass the position ever you want. Please pay close interest to the subsequent guy on your existence and do not waste a at the same time as and emotions on him in case you discover he's a momma's boy like your latest husband. fwiw: in case you nonetheless love the guy then you fairly haven't from now on something to lose through issuing an ultimatium. tell him if he loves you a lot that he needs to strengthen up and choose his spouse over his mom or you're growing a divorce. at the same time as less than primary circumstances ultimatiums not often artwork, this purely will be the reality shake up he needs. she's no longer an invalid, she's a self indulgent manipulator. until eventually she is truly mentally ill (then she might want to be in the well-being facility being dealt with) she will be able to no longer kill herself if he strikes out. on the shy away: him picking you once you supply him the ultimatium received't advise he's grown up. it would want to in straight forward words advise that you're enhanced than momma and now you're momma and also you nonetheless have a momma's boy and not in any respect a guy.

Answer 7

It doesn't have to cost much at all if they do it all by agreement. The leaflets with standard forms can be obtained from the government book shop and are not too hard to do yourself. Application for divorce is not the sole right of expensive solicitors to undertake. Once all is agreed it'll take 5 minutes ion a courtroom for a judge to approve it

Answer 8

Ask yourself this sweetie; if the shoe were on the other foot & he wanted you to divorce & get married to him, what would you do? well! there's your answer.

By the way, in future when you post a question asking for other's advice, then give as much details as possible. that way those that have answered can be informed properly so as to make an informed reply. You can hardly have a go at members here for biting your fingers when you're the one feeding them.

Answer 9

Are there kids involved? Because I know a guy who also earned less than his (now ex) wife and despite this has to pay about 10% of his income for each child, to his wife. As a result, he's now insolvent and financially unstable. If there aren't kids involved, maybe others are right when they say that maybe he thinks you'll want to marry him as soon as he gets divorced. I think you two really need to sit and talk about it. Maybe all four of you could meet up (You, your boyfriend, his wife and her boyfriend); after all you are all adults and if there are kids involved you are all part of their lives...

Answer 10

Why he won't get divorced: it's a lot of trouble, it's expensive, and there is no payoff. What good would it do him to get divorced? You're already providing him with free sex. He has no reason to go through the hassle of divorce. Now if you said, "I'm not going to have sex with you any more until you get divorced," then THAT would give him a payoff.