We moved a year ago and he likes girls very much. He has been through a lot of upheaval and I know that most of the group he hangs with are saying this. What can I do because I really do not believe he is saying this for any other reason but to get a reaction.
2006-11-30 00:07:56 · 24 answers · asked by Why Bother 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
This is a tough one,
I think you should show complete support for his feelings. I would not try to influence him in either way. It is important for him to feel your unconditional love and support. Afterall, if this is true, he will have enough opposition from society and it will make all the difference in the world to him to feel that he has a loving family standing beside him.
Be sure to talk to him about SAFE SEX practices- since he is at the age where he is more likely to become sexually active and at that age, we tend to feel invincible and think that all of those bad things we hear about couldn't possibly happen to us. Don't just assume that they discussed safe sex in school!
You may be correct in thinking that he is just saying that to get a reaction out of you... then you may be wrong. Only time will tell. The bottom line is that I think you should be very supportive and open so that he feels he can come to you with anything. Try not to discourage or encourage his behavior/ feelings. Stand neutral (even if your feelings aren't so neutral) since this is the fairest thing for him and he deserves respect, understanding and love!! Otherwise, you may isolate him and make him feel that he can no longer trust you with his feelings.
Good luck & Be sure to support and educate him to the best of your ability so that he can make his own decision!! (Afterall, if he came to you with this, he is looking for guidance and support and he must really have alot of faith in you... It is not easy to go to a parent with such a huge issue!!
2006-11-30 00:34:49 · answer #1 · answered by markalan1973 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If he didn't have any gay friends before he probably feels more comfortable now. Which would explain his out -of-the-closet attitude.
If he's not you can't tell him not to be with another guy because all he will tell you is that "you don't understand", then he'll call you a basher or a homophobe. If it really is just peer pressure he'll figure it out eventually, a person can only fake something for so long. Just try and be as calm as possible because 1) you're dealing with a teenager no doubt and 2) he is going to be getting crap from people from every corner, he doesn't need it at home too. If he really isn't bi it'll come out soon enough.
High school is only 4 years of a persons life and everything changes after that if he really isn't bi he'll revert within the next 5 years, just don't push him too. If he really is attracted to both sexes please try and be as supportive as possible for him, he'll need it.
2006-11-30 00:32:24 · answer #2 · answered by IceyFlame 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Peer presure doesn't make you want to become gay or bi. Quite the opposite is the rule, there is huge pressure for teens to conform to the status quo. For 16 year old boys, that is heterosexuality. Teen boys HATE difference, especially in sexuality.
Talk to your son in a non judgmental way, without telling him what he must be. He may have bigger issues at play here and combative or disapproving parents will not be able to get to the root of the problem. LISTEN to what he says. LISTEN, that means do more than just hear.
If after all the dust has settled, he still feels he is bisexual or gay, then you have two choices. You can be a force of good, by keeping the lines of communication open, seeing that he gets gets positive influences and information on what it really means. The alternative is that you will alienate your son. He is 16, he will soon be leaving the nest, don't create an enviorment he will never want to come back to, or become someone he will want to distance himself from.
You might also check out PFLAG, its a organization for family of gays and those questioning.
Also the group Out Proud might be helpful to him. It is for teens who are gay or questioning, and it might be useful for you too.
http://www.pflag.org
http://www.outproud.org
I'm 18, I promise you there is no peer presure to turn bi or gay. Boys are the most dogmatic and rigid human beings on earth, and they do not like "Different"
LISTEN, now is your chance. If you make the wrong choices now, you may be shutting doors permanently.
2006-11-30 00:41:11 · answer #3 · answered by imaginary friend 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I saw most of these answers and they seem good ones but the main thing is to make sure you and your kid have good quality time spent talking. I, unlike a few that answered with their insulting talk, can see the worry of having a teenager like this. I have nothing against gays but who in there right mind wants that for their kid? It is a life of constant abuse from society and let's face it, we love the idea of having Grand kids, don't we? Have a talk and get him into church and other activities. Do not keep him away from the other kids but DO make sure he is being himself and not just following a crowd. If he does turn out to be bi or gay though accept him and love him unconditionally as I am sure that you already do. Good luck!
2006-12-01 06:40:13 · answer #4 · answered by The_answer_person 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if he is bi there is really nothing you can do about it .. i know because my daughter told me the same thing when she was 16.. i had the choice of yelling and screaming my disapproval or putting my arms around her and telling her that i loved her no matter what she choose as her life style.. i did the later.. and we have always had a close relationship.. would you love your son less if he was bi or if he turned out to be gay.. probably not you would love him the same so don't let this bother you or at least don't let him know it does and after all it may just be a faze he is going through at that age all the harmones are racing and they don't always think about what they are doing
2006-11-30 06:54:11 · answer #5 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask him what a bisexual is. If he gives you an accurate answer then believe him. There is nothing wrong with him. As a matter of fact you should be proud of him because he came and told you because he trust you. Love him, support him and educate him to understand that it is a dangerous style of life but it's his choice.
2006-11-30 00:50:41 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
So your line of thinking goes like this;
"my 16 year old can't POSSIBLY be thinking for himself, and he certainly can't be bi-sexual because that's icky. So, I'll wrap myself in a blankie of ignorance and pretend he's just saying it to get "a reaction" out of me."
Ever stop to think that perhaps, just perhaps, he's looking not for a reaction from you, but support?
Or is that too difficult a concept for you?
2006-11-30 00:25:11 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋
He's looking for attention, so give it to him, as much as you can. try this go to any church you feel comfortable, or any non-profit organization, or just volunteer somewhere with him. Help the less fortunate, participate in church plays and activities with him.
Have a you and me night where the both of you can talk about how you feel and stress you have. Reward him with inexpensive gift stating just because I love you and I am proud of you.
Be there show him you love and care, spend time together and express your love everyday. Skip a class with him and spend a day in the park, museum Love and laugh and live. God Bless. Love. Amen
(Have him spend two weeks at a fully trusted family member house with positive influence and wise words wisdom). Try anything just try. Then Gods got the rest.
2006-11-30 00:17:36 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 3⤋
Let the boy be who he is and if he's only doing it for a reaction then don't react just say to him that no matter his sexual orientation you'll love him.
2006-11-30 08:42:56 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you truly believe he's saying this just to get a reaction, then what's the problem?
Give him a reaction! Case Closed!
Just consider the fact that sexual orientation isn't caused by peer pressure.
I think he's testing you to see if you're a bigoted homophobe.
Are you?
2006-11-30 00:34:08 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 2⤋