can any one help?

Question

i have been with my partner for 8 years now we have 2 kids together im 25 & hes 39.& i now want 2 get married but he wont marry me because he got married when he was 22 they had been together for 2 months then got married & divorced with in 3 months.but i dont think hes being fare on me coz he asked me 2 marry him after we had been together 2 years & now he doesnt see the point of the wedding thing if we are happy as we are.but every girl wants the white wedding thing im i being stupid?

Answer 1

Sounds like you two need to have a serious talk in case he has some deep rooted problems with you that make him not want to marry you. If he does then you would want to think about moving on with your life while you're young enough to start again with someone else. I can understand that could possibly be the case if you only had the one child, but not after 8 years and 2 kids, that is a commitment to have 2, not a mistake. No he should make the commitment or make for the door. You deserve the security of marriage now. I think you should ask him and see wher it goes

Answer 2

So, because when he was younger and stupid, he made a mistake and rushed into a marriage that failed, things will be exactly the same with you? He's comparing his relationship with you, the person he's invested 8 years in and had 2 children with, to the mistake he made in his last relationship. You may want to ask him if he thinks you are her. Why has he stuck around for 8 years? I've been married for longer than you've been alive and have seen this tons of times. Haven't you ever heard "Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free?" ... not that you're a cow, but you know the meaning!
P.S.: About the 'White Wedding' ... you lost that privilege when you had the 1st kid! White weddings are symbolic of the virginal state of your relationship with your intended. Unless you have re-virginized yourself somehow, you don't qualify! If you ever get that far, a small wedding with family and a few friends or a trip to a Justice Of The Peace should be your choice.

Answer 3

Pauline,
I understand the whole white wedding thing. Yeah a lot of women want that. But if the relationship begins to crumble and fall apart and you can't reconcile your differences then you're left with the expense and bother of divorce.
Have you ever considered a Handfasting? You get to do the whole white wedding thing but there is no legal committment involved. If you and your partner have been happy together for 8 years why mess up a good thing. He's obviously gun shy about the legal committment part; you already know the ins and outs of a committed relationship all you are missing is the party. Both of my brothers in law are in long term relationships 18 and 22 years. They both have children and they are all fine with their arrangements. Don't jeopardize what you already have for the sake of a piece of paper. Not worth it hon.
LL

Answer 4

He doesn't want to get married now because either he is enjoying the life of not being fully committed or he has his eye on someone else and is keeping his options open. You may have to give him an ultimatum to see where he stands and what he is planning for the future.

Another thought is that when he was married before he rushed into it without giving it any thought and everything went wrong and now he thinks that marriage is a bad thing and is kinda scared that things will be the same way if he goes through that process again.

Sit and talk to him and ask him if he want to get married or why he does not want to get married. See what his response is and decide from there.

Good Luck

Answer 5

Whether he knows it or not after a certain amount of time the relationship becomes commonlaw and whats his is yours and vice versa. So if money and finances are the reason he's pissing up a lace curtain. Its a done deal. Whatever that excuse is he gave you is just about the most broke-dick excuse I've ever heard. Really...its almost comical. Tell him he'll have to do better than that.
On another note....only ridge-running hillbillies who have lived together 8 years and have had two kids have a "white wedding". Don't be one huh? Off white for a wedding dress is fine. In fact...maybe avoid white of any shade all together and go with another color. Whether you know it or not...people who attend weddings of people in your circumstances find it very amusing if you stroll down the aisle in pure white. I know, I know..."Fu*ck what people think". In most all cases I agree but listen to me on this one. I think in this case stick with anything other than white. You can thank me at the wedding reception. Just give me some advance notice on the date so I can arrange my schedule okay?

Answer 6

he got married at 22!!! youd think he would have got over that by now since hes 39,

i lived with a man for 10 years had kids, and he was exactly the same, were happy as we are he used to say, he left me and married someone hed only known for 2 months. So i would think about that,

Answer 7

I think he is being a little selfish but l can see where he's coming from,you just need to talk to him and tell him that you've always dreamed of and wanted the white wedding and just want to show the whole world how much he means to you!

Maybe you should pop the big question on Xmas eve once all the kids presents are sorted out and you are alone together,crack open a bottle of wine,snuggle up together and just go for it!

Good Luck!

Answer 8

if he is catholic then you can't get married in white or in church.......that's their rules any other faith you can get married in white. every girl dreams of a white wedding ........maybe if you where to ask him ,if he would marry you .instead .........but being married would also secure the future of the kids and you if something where to happen to each one of you . Like with social security for the kids and you etc . Maybe you can talk to him on a another day when he is not so busy and is more relaxed .Let him know why this is importand to you
But many couples just live together and are happy too.

Answer 9

You're not being stupid at all! Most girls want to get married - no matter how long they've been with someone.

You need to sit him down and explain how important it is to you that you get married. You may have to compromise and not go for the big white wedding, but maybe a civil ceremony or something, but the important thing is that you want to get married.

If he loves you I think he'll understand how important this is to you, even if to him its not important and just a piece of paper. Men! lol

Answer 10

You are not being stupid; but you obviously have hit on something that he is dealing with. Perhpaps you could just go to a local church and have the Pastor marry you without all the "bells and whistles" of a big wedding. That would be a compromise.