how come I can't mourn mother's death?

Question

My 76 year old mother passed away Nov. 25. So far I haven't shed one tear for her. I even tried to make myself, but somehow I just can't feel sad. When the doctor came to tell me in the hospital, all I said was "I guess I should call the funeral parlor, huh?" He just looked at me in such disbelief that I almost laughted. I think he was expecting an hysterical outburst. You see all the time in movies and TV when someone dies, everyone else in deep shock and grief. Is my lack of grief normal? I've felt worse after the death of a family pet. I think what I'm feeling is more a sense of relief that grief. Any ideas?

Answer 1

Do not beat yourself up over this. You have a right to feel relief, especially if Mom had a long or painful, or demented death.

Often grief comes later....you'll want a recipe only she had or something like that,may release a surge of grief. Maybe never. You may always feel that it was her time to go, and she's better off now, and so are you.

No one knows your inner feeling except you, and I won't guess at the relationship you had; but you do not need to feel badly now. If people give you a rough time about this, just don't talk about it, and thank them for their concern.

Answer 2

ppl mourn in different ways and there is no timetable on when the effects of grief will hit. some ppl don't mourn until well after the death of a loved one and it could be triggered by something as small as picking up an item in the grocery store and it triggering memories of a good time with your mother which in turn triggers your mourning. it also depends on your relationship with your mother...were you close, were there issues keeping you two apart. another thing is if she was really sick and suffering that could explain your sense of 'relief' not at her dying but the ending of her suffering. don't be so hard on yourself, the mourning will come in its own time....if you are feeling particularly stressed because you don't feel normal there is nothing wrong with talking to a grief counselor and they can give you a better idea of what you might be facing and how to deal with it when it comes. hang in there and try not to let how others are reacting to her death affect you, or think you have to act a certain way. you will mourn in your own way and in your own time, both when its right for you.

Answer 3

Everyone experiences grief differently. If her death was expected, in that she had a terminal disease or something, you may have prepared yourself mentally prior to the event.

Perhaps the two of you weren't very close, or you are just more accepting of death in general, as simply a phase of life.

Or, you are still in shock/disbelief, and this will catch up with you, and that is ok too.

When my first grandfather died, I was a wreck. I was crying (audibly) at the funeral, and very, very, sad. When my second grandpa died, I reacted pretty much like you did.

My point being that there is not really a proper way that everyone grieves. You might want to Google "stages of grief" or "stages of grieving" someone, whose name escapes me, wrote about steps everyone goes through, although not in the same order.

Good Luck to you. :)

Answer 4

My 86-year old dad passed away a little over a year ago and like you I find myself not feeling much according to ways I think I probably should. I feel like I should be missing him more than I do. He suffered much in the months preceding his death and so mostly I was relieved.

Answer 5

you're probably in the denial stage. In few days, what has happened will hit you.
either that, or you're happy that your mom has passed away and is now -hopefully- better than before and shes not suffering from anything anymore.

Answer 6

Your quite normal, relax.