im feeling really depressed what shall i do?

Question

I recently had my 3rd miscarriage and have conditions that decrease my chance of conceiving and carrying a child. I dont feel that anyone listens and feel very alone all of a sudden. I cry myself to sleep most nights and I feel like my heart is being ripped out my chest some days. I have recently started feeling that i would be so much happier and calmer if i died, but i dont feel like i would do anything to halm myself. I am so confused and dont know what to do for the best. Ivisited my gp last week he saw how upset i was but only gave me a 2 week sick note for work. I feel helpless, worthless and have a constant migraine. What shall i do

Answer 1

It's hard to lose a baby, and you've lost three. You're grieving. This is normal. People grieve in all different ways. You loved your babies, obviously, even though they were with you such a very short time. Please try to remember that grief is not a bad thing. What you are feeling is the loss of those you loved and wanted but couldn't keep. But grief doesn't last forever. I tell people that, with those who've gone before me, it's like we've gone shopping, and they've taken the elevator to the next floor, and I have to wait my turn for the elevator. But I have more shopping here to do at the moment. Someday, I'll follow them, but until then, I'll wait. Or in the words of the poet Henry King: Till we shall meet and never part.

There's no need to rush to that door. It'll still be there. It's not going anywhere, but maybe now is not your time. And maybe, maybe this grief will pass a little, and maybe life will go on, and you'll have happy days, and days when you're glad you stuck around to see it through. I have those days now, more and more, when once I didn't believe I'd EVER have those days again. We'll ALWAYS miss those we've lost. We'll never completely get over the loss of those we've loved ... but life can and does go on. Don't give up. They'll wait for us.

You're not helpless. You're stronger than you know. And you're never worthless. Even if your children couldn't stay, even if maybe you can't have a child of your own who can stay, you're NEVER worthless. Not to them, and not to me, and not to lots of people you may not even realize how important you are to!

Give yourself time to grieve. It's okay. Then, step by step, move on ... and carry your precious children in your heart, as I carry my lost loved ones in mine. After today, there can be sunny days, and flowers, and friends, and laughter. It's not bad. It's not wrong. It's not wrong of us to go on living when those we love couldn't go on living with us. Our time isn't finished. We may have, like Robert Frost wrote, miles to go before we sleep, but Frost's "path less traveled by" is also before us, and there's still lots to see. Give yourself time. What you're feeling is normal and natural. I'd also like to encourage you to see a professional grief counselor. A grief counselor can help you understand, and can help remind you, that this feeling inside you is a normal, healthy, and natural response to loss, and they can help you in that transition, finding it in yourself to go on. It'll be okay. Really. I promise.

Answer 2

First, understand that you are not alone in this world. You always have someone to turn to, even if it happens to be strangers on the internet.

Second, understand that you are not the only one who has had miscarriages, and that you are not alone in how you are feeling about it. Try to seek out women in similar situations. The compassion that you can provide each other can be very healing.

My sister has also had a miscarriage and lost two other pregnancies, both due to the fertilized eggs getting stuck in the falopian tube. She almost died as a result of the last one. An emergency operation saved her life.

She too, felt very bad about it - even worthless. Time, friends and family were the only thing able to heal her heart.

Eventually, she came to realize that she was indeed a worthy person, and that what happened wasn't her fault. A couple of years ago, she and her husband adopted 2 happy, beautiful little girls. I think she makes a great mom for them. And they're wonderful cousins for my children! :D

Hang in there. Keep your chin up. You are most definitely NOT worthless.

Answer 3

If your GP only gave you a sick note for 2 weeks that is positive he obviously doesn't think that your clinically depressed. Doctors nowadays so easily see people low and proscribe anti-depressants - you want to avoid medication at all costs.

You sound as if you have been through a traumatic time - it is natural for you to feel low.

If you are unhappy with your GP's actions you can go to another for a second opnion.

Do you know other people who have been through similar circumstances, talk to them, they will understand better than most. People take the ablity to have children for granted, most don't understand how frustrating and distressful trying to conceive a child is when you are against the odds.

All I can say really is keep your chin up...sounds pathetic considering the situation...I don't know what else to say...keep on trying for a child....don't give up.

I had a pal who was told at 19 that she would not be able to have kids at all, IVF or nothing would have helped her, she was going through the menaopose at 19...but at 21 and against all odds she was expecting...(we still don't understand how - it was a miracle)...but the baby was stillborn. I was devastated. But my pal although understabably very upset said that despite all she is going to try for another one...I admire her because according to the doctors cause of her condition she should not be able to conceive at all.

Keep trying...don't give up

All the best XXX

Answer 4

I have some understanding of how your feeling. I too have had 2 stillborns full term and 2 miscarriages with the last because of a trophoblastic tumour scare. these are very difficult times for you but they will get better and these feelings your having will pass. There is people you can talk to I went to SANDS stillborn & neo-natal death society they will tell you where there is one in your area, the organiser normally holds the meeting in her home, and there is other women, who will feel the same way as you, you sit round it's not embarrasing, and you can have a good cry, and discuss your emotions, without feeling your the only person this happens to, because your not. I found this most helpful, If u phone them they will give you advice. I wish you the best, u can always talk to me, i have some understanding of your situation.

Answer 5

Hi Maria, Although not going through whayt you've been through, I none the less was feeling similar emotions to what you describe.

After recieving advice from people (usuaklly the cliche crappola) I decided to surround myself with upbeat and successful peers.

As none were close by I surrounded myself with books and audio seminars etc. of Tony Robbins and various self help gurus Paul Mckenna cd and book, W. Clement Stone, Napolean Hill etc.

Aswell as keeping off the booze and hitting the gym. I am happy to say I have never felt so good in all my life a huge change from 2 months ago wouldn't you agree.

Try not to build up things internally you must have a release 'valve'. I sincerely hope you get well soon! try and enjoy yor xmas!

Answer 6

Firstly, the doctor would have only given you a sick note for two weeks so that you have to go back to get another one. This is a crafty trick I find they use so that they can check up on you. So don't worry about that. Secondly, you need to take a look at the good things going on in your life right now. It might not look like you have any but trust me you do. For the first one, you are alive. You may feel like you want to die but what good would that do? Be thankful you live. I have a friend at work whos son died earlier this year at the age of 20. She is devasted at her loss and I am sure your family and friends would feel like this if they lost you. Do you have a fav TV prog? When I felt depressed I focused on my fav tv prog and thought that if I ended my life, I would never be able to watch it again. Silly thought really but it helped me. I also had a very understanding friend who helped me when I needed her and I also went to see a counsellor and talked about my problems with him. I stopped taking my anti depressants and decided I would battle it myself. I found more and more things in my life that were good, I just couldn't see past the bad things to start but they began to look small compared to the growing list of good things. Remember, you are not hopeless, worthless or better off dead. You are alive, you are loved and most of all you can beat this awful illness. hings happen for a reason. That reason will show it self to you in the future.
Hope you get better. Thinking of you. I beat it, so can you.

Answer 7

Oh, honey, I really do feel your pain. I had a miscarriage four years ago, I was forced into an abortion two years ago by an abusive boyfriend, and then I had another miscarriage a year ago. It's taken me most of the past year to get over the last; I went through a period when I refused to get out of bed, I popped pills like candy, and I tried to kill myself with two bottles of sleeping pills. I still sometimes cry myself to sleep, wondering what it would have been like if I could've kept my child. The only thing that has helped me was when a friend of the baby's father told me that she had had an abortion and a miscarriage, and she knew what I was going through. She was practically a stranger to me, but just having someone to talk to and ask questions of helped pull me out of my depression: if she could survive it, so could I. So, if you ever feel you need to, you can e-mail me any time.

Answer 8

Get back to work as soon as you are fit. If you sit around and think it will make things worst. The fact that you conceive is a big plus. Most people are unable to conceive. Generally miscarriages are easier to deal with. You need to consult specialists in Genetics and Infertility. Do not give up on a baby. That's your best hope. Wish you well.

Answer 9

heeey , dont be so daft :) i know that miscarriages are very hard to take , but try and be positive ... theres worse senarios which you could be in. I'm findin my life lil depressing at the moment ... and i aint a person to harm myself either .... you should think ' right you only got one life , live it as well as you can' no point livin in regret or depression , ! try goin out with few mates for drink , doing things youve never done before , take up a new hobby , try n take things off your mind and look towards the future .... you never know what could happen .... good luck sweety :) x

Answer 10

Please please go back to your Dr or Health Visitor and tell them you feel you need more help. Alternatively try calling a helpline such as Saneline between 12noon and 11pm for information and support with mental illness: 0845 767 8000.

If you are feeling depressed you can contact the Depression Alliance. They provide self-help groups throughout the UK.
Write to: 35 Westminster Bridge Road, London SE1 7JB.
Or telephone: [phone]
www.depressionalliance.org

its not surprising that you feel down as you have been through such a lot -talk to your friends and family too.