Thier my kids too!?

Question

my wife and i are seperated and got kids (3 girls ages: 14, 11, 9) My wife and I were pretty young when we had the oldest. we were 20 yrs. old. So needless to say that my wife is still pretty young so she relates real well with them especially the oldest. My wife is a good mother but since we've had our problems she's changed. Her views about things are different she's become more opinionated as well as arguementativeirst thing she did was tell my kids about our problems. I said not to do that. That they are our daughters not her friends! Now she let the oldest have a boyfriend, so she's on the phone all hours of the night. She's always gone. They are starting to get really sarcastic and I feel she's letting them grow up way too fast! The problem is since we're not together right now I really don't know what's going on there. Now she's got the kids looking at me through her eyes so when i see them don't want to yell at them. How do I stop this mad woman from letting them act older?

Answer 1

What has happened here is NO one is the LEADER in your home structure---Think of it as you will as a term I'm going to steal from the Dog Whisperer----Someone needs to establish themselves as PACK LEADER...In your case---NO one is giving leadership to your children---As parents we are the ones to be the role models and show leadership to the children to give them guidance and support to be responsible adults someday.

your 14 yr old should not be allowed to date and be on the phone all hours of the night---Boundaries should be set and enforced with consequential punishment if the boundaries are crossed.

The younger children ages 11 and 9 should also have bounderies set for them too----it's like MONKEY see MONKEY do!!!

If these younger siblings see what their older sister is doing trust me they'll do their best to copy whatever she does---

YOUR WIFE (x) should be setting an example for these children--If you don't have a court order in place you should ----and have the petition granted that negativity and verbage of negativity not be allowed in front of the children---and using the children for your mental health and venting anger towards either parent is WRONG----

If you are just seperated ----FILE for that divorce---and get something documented and granted by the courts!

Answer 2

Maybe you should try to patch up your marriage. Then you could be there and share your views with your wife. But she's not doing anything wrong, you don't like it because you are not there.. which is totally understandable.

disagreement over how to raise the kids has ruined many many marriages.

I think it's better that your wife was honest with the kids about your problems, they aren't stupid, and knew SOMETHING was up. They will be less fearful knowing what's going on to some extent, not gory details but enough detail to understand the situation fully.

Stop calling her a "mad woman". -- makes me wonder if you had an affair or cheated or something that caused your separation. If so, the kids absolutely have the right to know that. It directly affects their well-being when a parent puts the whole family at risk like that.

Answer 3

First, your daughter is way to young to be staying out all hours of the night. This often happens when parents seperate or divorce. She is trying to be the "good" cop so you look like the "bad" cop. Don't let your daughters treat you differently now that you and your wife are not together. Set the same guidelines and be consistent. They will appreciate it later on. As for your wife telling them your problems she is wrong and immature. Your children should never have to choose between their parents and which one to love. Good luck

Answer 4

I'm sorry to hear about your situation,sir.My piece of advice is try to handle this in your own why,but there isn't really a good way to deal with the girls....i have 3(17yr old-girl,16yr old-boy and 14yr old-boy) step kids and 1(7yr old-boy) of by birth and my husband does that same thing! He treats the older 3 with more respect and pays them more attention than our 7yr old son.There is nothing we can really do besides just be here for them and let them know we always will be here for them no matter what.May God bless you and your family,and may everything work out for you all.

Answer 5

as you said there your kids too and your right to be concerned. kids should be kids not your best-friends .and if you are seeing things now you don't like keep some kind of journal about all you are seeing .try to speak to your ex about the things you have written down,(i think if you write it you Will remember exactly what you felt when u need to talk later) tell her your thought and still try to co parent .if she is not receptive to that there is always court .where you take your thoughts to the judge .he may feel you are right to be worried .either way you will have a record of the things you tried to help them with ,when they wonder how everything went wrong.

Answer 6

Try being their father and making sure you are in daily contact with them. You are right they are your kids too. You both need to get into some sort of meadition or parenting classes to learn how to parent while not living together because it is diffrent.
Also I agree that 14 is too young for the bf thing.

Answer 7

i've got raised mine precisely as i replaced into raised - with an openness in the direction of ALL religions and with suggestion on all the above. whilst i could no longer furnish the information, I honestly have acquaintances and family individuals who would desire to. And so what in the event that they chosen to be Christian??? I went via a Christian section as an adolescent; I found out an poor lot, no longer particularly plenty the religion, however the character of human beings. for particular, i've got no longer been a Christian in particularly a protracted time - the span lasted approximately 2 years. yet I met some tremendously good human beings- and a few tremendously terrible human beings - in the time of that factor. maximum childrens who "insurrection" against mothers and fathers religiously - pagans transforming into christian, christians transforming into pagan achieve this because of the fact they weren't allowed and inspired to locate different perception contraptions, they weren't taught tolerance (Telling them to be tolerant of others and then no longer permitting them to learn different religions does no longer prepare them tolerance, no be counted how tolerant you opt to have faith you're). My toddlers have rebelled in different techniques, because of the fact there replaced into no longer something to rebell against non secular sensible. The eldest leans in the direction of Buddhism, the youngest is attracted to chakra manipulation for wellbeing and martial arts. final analysis, i'd desire to care much less what faith the opt to be, as long because it makes them satisfied of their lives. in basic terms factor I draw a line at is cult involvement - and cults are certainly defined- look it up.

Answer 8

Without knowing her side of the story.
My advice to you is to concentrate on your children, make sure they know you love them and you want the best for them.
Spend as much time with them as you can, talking, school functions and dinner time around a table.
Good Luck.