What would you do? Please help!!?

Question

I'm in relationship with a girl,who my mom hates-this caused my moving abroad with my gf.after months she hasn't changed at all-still mean about my relationship&still ready 2 do EVERYTHING 2 keep me away from my gf.I told my mom we'll meet in Xmas Eve,I'm not gonna stay at my parents place,which she doesn't know yet about.Xmas Eve is always at my grandma's-big dinner with family-I hate it,coz always sb is fighting,they give presents,coz it's said to do so,always sb angry or upset or sth.To me they'll be even worse-noone knew I was going abroad&why.I'll have 2 deal with anger&mean comments about the situation& I'm sure my mom will try 2 "save"me again from this relationship.
Should I go on Christmas Eve 2 my granparents?or just stay with my gf&her mom&have really nice&happy Christmas for the 1st time in a few years?
WHEN&HOW should I tell my mom about the fact that I'm NOT moving back and NOT going go there only to listen how cruel I've been 2 her,coz I didn't do what she wanted me to

Answer 1

Sweetheart listen,
I was in a relationship for thirteen years with someone that 25 years later still makes me weak in my knees and I let my family screw it up, but now I am married with 2 great kids and we live hundreds of miles away. My ex-lover and I still talk and I can not tell you how bad it hurts not to be held by her at night and the guilt I have for actually loving two different people so much and for different reasons. My mom would say "you are not gay" and I believe that you can't help with which person you fall in love with, and sweetie here is the deal if you are in love I mean really, really in love then love this person regardless. I know how hard it is to not fit into society but take it from an old broad love who YOU are and love the one you are with.

Answer 2

you don't say how old you are, but given the fact that you are in a relationship, I'd say stay with your girlfriend. your parents will eventually come around, and understand that you are going to be making your own decisions and making your own life. if you want to spend the holidays at home, it's fine. Christmas is a time when a lot of people feel extra pressure to do everything just right. there's too much emphasis on the present giving and decorating and shopping and cooking, it's all just so much as it is, you should try your best to make it as stress free as possible. explain to your mom that this year at least, you will be spending the holidays with your girlfriends family, and maybe next year you can get together. also, you could invite them to come spend the holidays with you just for a change in tradition. just a suggestion, but it might open up some options.

Answer 3

Families have to realize that holiday tradition often gets broken because life changes as you meet new people. If you are an adult now, you may want to do something else at Christmas.You need to start your own traditions that fit your adult life. That is not to put your mother down, but she should realize that you have your own life and need to do what you feel is best for your present living situation.
Tell her whenever you want, and let her know exactly why you won't be going to Christmas dinner with her. Tell her that you haven't been happy the last few years, and perhaps she will see that she needs to be more accepting of the choices you've made and why you've made them. Maybe next year she will be more open to you and your needs. Give her this year to miss you.

Answer 4

Please know how important it is to follow your heart. If this girl and you are doing wonderful, productive things that make the world a better place together, that is working in synergy, as oppose to doing bad things, like drugs or stealing and not maintaining a sort of spirituality, she did a great job raising you, it's a deep seated love you feel for the one you love that you are thankful for and so should your mom be for you, because she wants so badly for you to be your self and happy. Tell your mom, you are happier and doing and feeling better than you ever have, that she did not cause you to be with a girl, she raised a real good person whose decided that you have a swift kick in that direction. It does not make you bad or make you a looser to be with the person you love, just because it's another girl. Do not argue with your mom, listen to what she says, do not cut her off, that way she hears herself, preaching hate. If you and your girlfriend are successful and in love, on this planet school, that's screaming for harmony then what is the real gripe here???

Answer 5

Thats not easy however you look at it, heres what I would do:-
Write a very nice letter to your Mother, thanking her for all she has done for you in the past, tell her you love her very much and always will. However let her know gently that you also love your g/f very much, and as you know she wont be accepted over Christmas you have no real choice other than to stay clear at this time, wish your Mother all the joys of Christmas include lots of love etc etc.
Then also at the same time write to your Grand parents apologising for not being able to attend the usual gathering this year and that you will be spending Christmas with your g/f family on this occasion , make no mention of your Mothers animosity towards your g/f, they probably know about this already? No need to put your Mother on the spot.
That at least gives you another year to play with and think things over among yourselves and you have caused no real mental pain to anyone ! maybe just a bit of guilt on your Mothers part)
Sounds good to me? I think I'll go for this counselling crack full time? That will be $500 please!
Ah well its Christmas, forget the bill, send it to your Mother..

Answer 6

Your mom is probably just worried about you. If you enjoy the company of your other relatives, go to the Christmas. But for the sake of avoiding a conflict, leave your girlfriend at home. You don't have to be secretive about your relationship with her, but you don't have to be flaming either. If anyone asks, camly state the facts and leave it at that. If they want to get nasty, let them. You're above that. If you don't have a desire to see your relatives or you think the Christmas would just be better at your gf's, then stay at your gf's house. Mail your relatives their presents. Give one to you mom as well, with a card attached that explains you understand her concerns but you will NOT move back. Don't accuse her of anything. Just tell her that she's hurting you with her actions. This will be classy and to the point, not to mention your mother might re-evaluate her own actions.

Answer 7

Sorry to say this but:**** your family.
They aren't the ones who supported you in any way:like it is that easy to be gay!!!!!!!
Did we ever ask to be gay?
Hell no:wouldn't''t it be way easier to be straight?
We would fit in much easier in the stupid straight world.
Why would you ruin Christmas and visit your family:are they gonna be civil or nice to you?
Girl:have a great Christmas with your significant other half and her mother,who seems not to have the problem your family obviously has.
I disowned my parents and 4 brothers and sisters and never regretted it once.
They were against my bf moving in,in my own house.
End of story.
Did not even want to discuss it:it is my life to live:it is not theirs.
So,hon:enjoy your Christmas abroad and send a Christmas greeting card ASAP saying you aren't coming.
Do not even explain why.
I wish you and your mother in law and girlfriend the best Christmas ever.
With kindest regards:Rob.xxxx

Answer 8

Try to type whole words if you can. You are young, you probably don't know everything and your guardian probably doesn't either. Christmas is the saddest time of the year, most suicides and thefts are committed at this time, it's normal to be depressed right about now. Your best bet is to keep the peace with your family, if your friend is good to you, then your friend would vote for peace also...and be there for you latter.

Answer 9

defnitly spend xmas with gf, simple answer happiness over family every time, if your mum contacts you about u going there for xmas just tell her calmly that you have made other arrangements and arnt going. if she tryes to argue and gets mean about it tell her you are going to hang up and u'll talk when your mum can be rational about all this, you are happy with your descisions and want your mum to be to, but you cant force her so u'll give her time to think about it. then have happy xmas, dont guilt about it, she needs to be told.

Answer 10

Tell your mom you will come, if she accepts your relationship. If he doesn't, call your grandmother and wish her a merry Christmas and explain why you are not there.