My babies died inside of me! Hearbroken, how do I cope?

Question

My boyfriend Justin and I found out on November 16, 2006 that I was pregnant. We were very surprised a first but we had become very excited. Well I went in Monday to my first prenatal exam and find out for sure how far along I was. I thought I was only 6 weeks along. Well they did the exam and did an ultrasound. What they found shocked me. They found I was having identical twins and I was actually 14 weeks along and not 6 like we all thought. There was a major complication though. They found I have what they call monoamniotic twins. It is where the twins share the same placenta and amniotic sac. Also they told me Monday that they couldn't find a heartbeat for either one of my babies. The got me an appointment with a perinatalogist to get a second opinion and confirm what they saw. I went in on Wednesday and found out that not only was what the doctor saw yesterday was true but my babies were joined at the chest. I had to go today to start the process to remove my 2 dead babies.

I am so heartbroken. I feel like I have been shattered into a million peices. I didn't even get to name them or find out if they were boys or girls. Justin is just as hurt. I don't want to cry anymore. I've been crying all day and all night last night. I never thought I could hurt this bad. I know that this just wasnt meant to be but I hurt like hell none the less. I wish I could have seen my babies. With this procedure that is going to be done I won't ever get to lay eyes on them. Of course I don't know what I would do if I could see them. It would hurt probably even more. These were our babies and they died in me. I hurt soooo bad right now. I don't know how to deal. Justin and I wanted them more than ever. I know they weren't planned but they were our flesh and blood and we were so excited to be parents.

I don't know how to deal with this. Everytime I go to sleep I dream about my babies. Sometimes good and sometimes bad but still it hurts so bad. I never thought my heart could break this bad. Any advice for me and my boyfriend on how to deal and cope with this?

By the way I am 21 and my boyfriend is 27. We do plan on still getting married in the near future.

Answer 1

Oh honey i am so sorry to hear that I hesitated on answering your question because my youngest daughter she's 25 is pregnant with her 1st baby and I am so worried for her. I lost my oldest daughter she was 28 almost one year ago but i did have 28 years with her the pain is great but i have memories. i understand your pain as you didn't even get to hold them. Nothing anyone could say right now would help this is one of those times you will have to draw on every ounce of strength in your mind and body make sure you don't shut your BF out you guys need each other even more now. I say this because often in the case of the loss of a child people grow apart instead of being there for each other they deal with their grief alone. Hug each other often and talk talk talk the more you speak of it though the pain is great the more release you will feel. It's when you keep it inside that it builds and builds. There are support groups for just this out there I don't know where you live but if you put your state or city in here or e-mail me or go to my 360 I will research for you. I will keep you and your BF in my prayers and pray you someday have your family together

Answer 2

My sincerest apology to you on your loss. The heartbroken feeling will subside but you will always remember your babies. When I lose my daughter (at 20 weeks) I created a tribute website and talked about it with anyone who would listen. Eventually I went to see a counselor about my grief. They told me that the body has a way of knowing if something is not working right and that your body probably ended the pregnancy because the babies were not healthy. This is a terrible situation, but in the long run they were not brought to term and did not suffer. Also there are websites that have giref information for women who miscarry, you may want to go there for support from women who can offer insight. Stay close with your boyfriend as you guys share the pain of your lost children. Again my apologies for your loss.

Answer 3

I think the first thing you both need to do is pick out a name that could be for a boy or a girl and name them precious little ones..I have lost 2 babies myself and I know the pain you are in..We may not know or understand why things happen like they do,,but you will see them again one day..My heart aches for you both..The only thing I can suggest for you both to do is cherish the feelings yall had when you both found out yall were gonna be parents,,support each other and know you will have other chances..Find out what you both can do to prevent this from happening again...I dont know how young yall are, but i am sure the next time will be your miracles baby or babies..Just love each other and determine to uphold each other each day..Always keep communication open between the both of you..Grieve, for that is normal..Cry together..Then let the Good Lord heal your hearts..You will never forget these two angels but as you allow yourselves to be healed the pain will diminish..Is what I did...And I have two grown kids now...I will keep you both in my prayers and I know that all will work out for you both...Just give them babies a name and even though you can never see them,,have your own little private ceremony,,,giving them into the hands of the Father where they will be when you see them again...They are whole now,,God bless you both

Answer 4

I suffered two miscarriages before having my youngest son, who is now 1 year old. Right now time is your best friend. I lost my babies in Feb and Nov 2004. Time has done a lot to heal me. I still hurt when the dates come up, but not as much. It was comforting to me to read on-line about other women who had gone through the same thing. Miscarriages are more common then most people realize. I was surprised when i told my friends, how many of them had suffered one as well. Most women won't talk about it with another woman, unless they know you have had one too. I wish you all the luck in the world. I know your pain and I know right now is the worst time, but keep your head up. Know you are not alone. My thoughts are with you and yours.

Answer 5

I am so sorry for you and Justin as i have lost babies as well,
life goes on even with the heartache,
this is God's way of making it easier for you both think if they were born and all of the operations and pain they would have gone through,I know it is hard for you both but stick together and talk about this as much as you can and cry it is the best thing for both of you.
Your next little darling will be lovely and healthy and have a triple dose of love.
Bless You Both.

Answer 6

i'm so sorry on your loss. i will't think of how no longer common it could be. to respond to a number of your concerns.. it is common to call your infants, this would help the healing technique.. in case you don't understand the sexes, p.c.. names which could carry on with to the two sexes (Eg. Alex, Cody, etc). you will have a small occasion as against a funeral, to declare a proper see you later. For closure. additionally, there are alot of communities obtainable to assist people who bypass by a misscarriage. additionally understand, it is not your fault. there is not any longer something you will have completed in yet in a distinctive way, or to help. it is not your fault. i exchange into alarmed to be certain those days that 2/5 pregnancies do no longer final to finished term. And that a million/10 pregnancies bring about misscarriage. so which you're deffinatly no longer on my own. I desire you each and every and all the superb sooner or later, and as quickly as back, i'm so sorry..

Answer 7

Sweetie I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo very sorry to hear this. The best advice and the only, is to pray with everything you've gotten in u, and when u dont feel like prayin anymore, pray again. Once again I'm sooo sorry, I'll be prayin for y'all too. God BLess uns

Answer 8

TIME...

It took my sister awhile the only difference with her babies was that they were born at 1 pound 6 ounces 3 jmonths early and they died 2 days after they were born...

But seriously...

It just took time...

you will never forget ..

it will just get easier

Answer 9

This is very nerve wreaking story.. but frankly speaking u cant do anything now... u have to become strong now and face the realty it is very difficult for a mother to take care of herself... now just think abt the future now.... maybe next time u can concieve and njoy ur motherhood....