I don't feel guilty for cheating?

Question

I cheated on my long term, long distance boyfriend--the only person I have ever loved and still love. I didn't have sex with people, just dated them. I don't feel guilty though because the entire time I only loved him. How do I start feeling guilty? In all honesty, I have no idea what he does there--I know he goes out to with female and male friends--, but we are best friends too so it seems the "love" part is stronger than the in love part. He's the only person I've felt a true connection with, but I still haven't felt guilty? Why not? Is it because I didn't have sex with people, or is it because I didn't emotionally cheat?

How do I make myself feel guilty? I would seriously pick him over anyone though....

As for him cheating on me...maybe. But I know for sure he wants to marry me after we graduate from college, which kind of intrigues me. I mean it doesn't bother me if he doesn't have sex or isn't emotionally invested.

Neither of us falls in love or cares about people easily...at all, so the emotional aspect is hard to follow through on. Plus there's no sex involved, which makes it feel like I didn't do anything?

Answer 1

Try thinking about how you would feel if you found out that he'd been dating other women without telling you. Other than that, I dunno. Maybe you lack the empathy and compassion necessary to feel guilt, in this situation. At the same time, though, you must at least have some semblance of guilt in you, over this. Otherwise, you would not see it as an issue, and have no need to ask this question.

Answer 2

Very interesting question. I can tell that your heart is torn between both of these people that you obviously have strong feelings for. I have tried to be in a relationship with two people at once in the past (I had a fiance living up north and had a relationship with someone else in the south where i went to college). I found, however, that after a while (after the initial infatuation phase) with the new individual it will become clear which person you desire the most. Whoever starts giving you the "tummy tickles" (be it the ex or the new person) is the one you need to go after. In my opinion it is perfectly cool to love both of them at the same time (believe me there are FAR worse crimes than tossing out a little extra love) until it becomes apparent which one captures your heart. If you play the "game" the way society (and your current love) expects you to by breaking up with one person before going after another you very well might find yourself a lonely and unhappy old man. I've become emotionally callous to so called "cheating" a long time ago and have a clear understanding now that you need to basically go by the rule that "everything is fair in love and war" and find your true love. If I had not acted as stated above, I would not be happily married with a new baby (a miracle in my eyes) now. I hope you trust I am a good person because I speak from my heart. It is time for you my friend to listen to your heart right now. Do whatever you need to do to give both people a chance at capturing your heart. It is a noble cause and worth any guilt you may encounter during the process. Your heart and your soul will thank you for the sacrifice. True happiness awaits, but like all good things it comes with a price. Pay it in full and the guiding light of love will lead your heart to it's rightful owner.

Answer 3

I have been in a long term relationship for 4 years and we are in love....if I went out with someone behind his back I could not stand to look him straight in his eyes.....maybe because it is a long distance relationship, it may be different and you may feel guilty when you get to see him.....if you still don't feel guilty it may be that you don't love him the way you think you do.

Answer 4

It caught my eyes that you spoke and mentions friend love and IN LOVE..... hmmmmm, by reading this I come to the conclusion that that is the problem you are facing..... you love this guy but you do NOT have that IN LOVE thing going on..... I suggest you take the time to evaluate the situation...... I see more of a great friendship here than anything else !!!!! or maybe there is the *in love* stuff but just that it is not the right time for the 2 of you ??? God bless

Answer 5

Theres nothing wrong with dating other people, thats the spice of life. It lets you really see what kind of fish and sharks are in the sea of life.
But, if you think you really have something SPECIAL with this one person in particular I wouldn't keep postponing a solid connection or you just might lose that person permanently.
You know the old saying, "Sh** happens", and don't wait till it "Happens", then complain to the rest of us for the next year.
Lift the lid and smell the coffee.......GOOD LUCK!!!

Answer 6

Neither. You are friends. Sometimes that is all they can be. You have different thoughts and ideas. I wanted a monogamous sexual relationship, he wanted NSA. Sometimes it just happens. I stood up and said I wanted him and I didn't want to share him. He totally disappeared from my life. I miss him but not enough to say yeah, go ahead and mess around with other ladies. I wish I had been as strong as you. I think you can keep him and love him as your friend.

Answer 7

It means you have a small element of sociopathy in you, or, as you said, you may just not be in love with him.

Honestly, if I were him, I wouldn't pick you if I knew what I know now. I need a woman to have a greater expressed interest in me and more of a conscience about how she treats me. I don't think you would be being fair to him, though you don't mean to.

Answer 8

it really is called a experience of perfect and incorrect. you comprehend, that inner navigator that if functioning perfect, would help you determine perfect from incorrect. That element that seems to no longer artwork o.k. in such fairly some human beings immediately. you comprehend, many human beings immediately imagine that in the adventure that they could come back up with adequate justifications for something or acquire the approval of adequate human beings, something it truly is incorrect is with out note switched over to being perfect. The experience of perfect and incorrect is the element that again, even as functioning perfect, tells you that each and every one the contract and justifications contained in the international are purely undeniable crap.

Answer 9

You did not cheat. Sounds like you had healthy relationships.
That is good for both of you so that you know for sure that he or you are the right ones. Better to find that out before you get married...

Answer 10

U cheated! U DO NOT KNOW THE MEANING OF LOVE JUST LUST!!!U R insecure about what he does there, so it makes u feel better to do what u do...wrong!!!U R just cold! Let the guy go.