I cant get my 9 month old son 2 sleep w/out me in the room & i have to hold his hands.?

Question

He screams and screams sooo much for hours and wont sleep unless im there. I dont know what to do! I think we have really spoiled him.

Answer 1

Ouch.

Use the 15 minutes off, two minutes on routine - let him cry for 15 then come and see him for two minutes - but do not hold his hands. I sing a little lullaby - sometimes from the bottom of the stairs, if I'm busy - and my boy settles right down.

You have created a situation where he is contolling you, instead of vice versa. You need to let him know that you are not going to come running every time - or you will be doing it indefinitely.

Stand firm - get earplugs if necessary. Good luck.

Answer 2

He will start to be able to manipulate you from about this age, so it is good that you have recognised that you have spoilt him.

He screams because he knows that you will react and come in and hold his hands.

Is he in his own bedroom? Make sure he is.

Make sure he has a clear and consistent bedtime routine, make it a calm and quiet time, make sure you don't fire him up on sugars before bedtime.

Then put him firmly in bed say it's bed time and walk away. He will scream, come back, and tell him bed time, he will scream, come back, say nothing, tuck him in, and walk away. Each time he screams, come in, tuck him in, don't make contact with him,don't talk to him.

He will learn that you are in control, and he will learn that he can't get attention by screaming.

It will be a fraught journey, and you need to know that it's OK for him to scream. It is worth it for him to sleep well, you will be glad of it when he's older, as if you don't deal with this now, you'll have a 4 or 5 or 6 year old still acting this way.

Answer 3

Oh good lord... it's a BABY, of course it needs you! You cannot spoil a baby- it is not manipulating you. You shouldn't TRAIN a baby- so it needs to go to sleep holding your hand... big whoop. Hold his hand. Or, better yet, bring him in bed with you. Yes, contrary to the other posters I think you should (gasp!) listen to what youe baby is telling you. He wants to be close to you. He;s a baby. Bring the crib in your room and take one side off- make a sidecar to your bed. Give him that love and attention now, show him that you are there for him, and later when he;s older he will actually be more independant and comfortable coming to you when he needs you because you were there for him, responding to his needs. So what if he ends up sleeping in your room for a couple of years? It's only a couple of years. He's a BABY- you can't spoil him, you can only follow your natural instincts, which are probably telling you to cuddle and love him, not to let him scream and wail while you sit in another room.

Answer 4

Now that you're in this place of training, you have to deal with him based on how much time you spend with him. During this time move away and then back before he gets upset, but be casual.

Slowly increase the amount of time that you are not touching him, but always know when he's about to get upset. A couple of times allow him to cry and then when he stops or even tapers off let him know that his is good by offering him touch (love).

After a a few days to weeks he will start to fall asleep while playing "this game" ("keeping your attention on him"). Children less than 2 yrs operate very strongly with learned sensation (kind of like learned response in animals (after all, we are simply animals with more derived characteristics).

Answer 5

I don't have an answer for you, I just sympathize with you. When my son was born I was so tired trying to breastfeed and work that I did co-sleeping and he became so spoiled that now two years later, he still insists to sleep in the same room as me. Granted, now he sleeps in his own bed but he won't be in a room alone-he freaks out. Babies lack some type of chemical in their brains that allow them to properly control the calming down reaction. (Sorry I dont remember the technical terms). So if you just leave your son to "cry it out" he might not be able to calm himself down and can hyperventilate, etc. Hopefully someone can help you, and you can always ask your doctor if they have any suggestions.

Answer 6

i went through the same thing with my oldest the trick to dealing with that is to slowly night by night start to ween hem from needing you there by settling in for about 15 minutes and then give them a reason to have to leave the room but reassuring him that you will be right back. after a few nights of leaving the room for longer and longer he will be more comfortable about sleeping alone. just don't lose patience it wont happen overnight it may take at least a week or two.

Answer 7

Yes, you have.

Now it's time to get a bedtime routine started. (There are chapters in baby books about sleep routines, if you want more ideas.)

I would feed him a snack - Cheerios or applesauce or something he likes (but not sugary food). Then I'd spend some time playing with him, with blocks or little cars - quiet games. I'd have nice music playing softly in the background - Kenny G, Mannheim Steamroller, David Lanz or Jim Brickman on the piano (Windham Hill or Narada labels). Or I might give him a warm bath to relax him. All the while, I'd be talking about night-night and beddy-bye and Sandman. Maybe I'd tell him a (made up?)bedtime story or two or recite nursery rhymes during this part - something to relax and calm him with my voice. Once he's diapered and in his pjs, I'd turn off the light in his bedroom and take him over to the window to say night-night to all the animals. We'd name them one by one - night-night to the birdies, night-night to the squirrels, night-night to the doggies, etc. Then I would put him in his crib, tuck him in while still talking night-night stuff, kiss his forehead, and tiptoe out of the room.

Of course, the first nights he will cry, but I would let him cry for a while. If I go to him, I would remind him in a whisper about night-night, that it's dark and everything is sleeping, and "goodnight" with another kiss and tiptoe out of the room again. DON'T TAKE HIM OUT OF BED OR PLAY WITH HIM!!! Also, don't force him to lie down or get rough.

I would be consistent and stick to this for at least a week or two. He's old enough to get the drift and, if you're gentle and quiet and consistent, he will finally go along with you.

You are the real "problem" in this situation, so be strong - but gentle and sweet with him. Don't let other family members interfere with this routine.

Figure out your own routine if mine doesn't sound good to you, but once you've developed one, STICK TO IT AND DON'T VARY IT!!!! Yes, this will work. It worked for me.

Good luck!

Answer 8

Ok..it is YOU who created this situation NOT him...he cries cos he knows you will give in....try a ticking clock under his pillow (or nearby to his head)....or some music on very very low....kill any lights so that it is dark and relaxed....get a lavender pillow near to where he sleeps to soothe his senses....babies sense our stress in circumstances like these and it is transferred to them. There is nothing wrong with loving your child to sleep if it works but if he is "playing you like a violin" then you have to stop it now. If you stay in the room he knows he has got your attention....you have to walk away - give him a kiss goodnight, tell him a story whilst firmly making him lie in bed then say goodnight and leave the room....he WILL cry as he isn't used to you doing this but if you persist and persist he WILL get the idea and it DOES work. There isn't anything wrong with him crying...it is infact good for his lung development...and so long as you know he is healthy....you just have to harden yourself to a few nights of tears without giving in.....you can reassure him if he cries for too long but YOU have to teach him how you are going to run the relationship and not let him run it.....you wouldn't let your best friend dictate how your friendship was going to be would you? Well he is a person too and he has to learn that compromise works - from a very early age - so its up to YOU to teach him how! Babies are just little adults without any skills so treat him how you would have liked to be treated...teach him how you yourself would have liked to be taught....p.s I have four beautiful children and they have all turned out fine, better than fine in fact because we have negotiated what we require from them from birth and similarly they from us.

Don't fret..he WILL turn out alright in the end. Just be firm and loving.

Answer 9

Wow I reccomend you breaking that cycle now... for instance maybe you will have to let him/her scream until he/she goes to sleep or maybe put him/her in a secure setting like a bassinett or a swing to comfort him/her and put him/her at ease. Otherwise it will be totally difficult for you to do anything without him/her being right there. It'd be hard to have someone watch him/her even for a few hours... you gotta break this cycle now no matter what it takes before it just make life harder on you.... good luck!

Answer 10

Yes afraid you have started a really bad habit, need to break this gently, has happened to a friend of mine, baby would not go to sleep unless playing with mother's hair, so yes just try to end this gently, or you are in big trouble.