How do i fix this? Tonight in about 30 mins. my gf is going to tell me that i need to walk away from her. that it is in my best interest if we are not together. SHe is an alcoholic, has gained a little wait and has a very addictive personality, but lately she has been saying that she treats me badly and that I don't deserve her and that I could find better. SOme of this may be true but I have put up with so much already and honestly i just can't be w/o her. Ok so she is my 1st gf and 1st everything ever. i know lame. but I can't live w/o her i can't. i am thinking of asking her if she wants to be with me in at all or never. cause honestly if she said she could get herself better in six months, i would wait for her. thats just how much i love her. i need her, i want her, can anyone give me advise asap. please help my heart is about to be broken and i need a way to avoid it. please, i'm begging and praying that someone has some good advice soon. She is my heart. Help PLEASE help
2006-11-29 16:35:27 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
awww my heart goes out to you, you sound really upset : ( If she is going through such hard time at the moment, she may need time to her self. That doesn't mean pack up your bags and go, that just means she cant handle a full on relationship at the moment. So you can be there when she needs you. And that's really all you can do. Tell her that you will wait for her and say exactly the same thing you said in the ending of your question. I am sure she is hurting just as bad as you or even worse by knowing she is hurting you. Just be there for her, Take care i hope it all works out sweetie : )
2006-11-29 17:00:27 · answer #1 · answered by Shes a Cookie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry that you are going through such a hard time. Regardless of whether you stay with her or not, I think you both need some counseling, either couples or individual. She needs to work on her addictions and you need to work on feeling independent. I know it's hard facing the possible loss of your first relationship, but you are a precious person and you deserve so much out of life. I am convinced that the world holds good things for you with or without your partner. If you feel really low tonight, call a suicide prevention line or distress centre - they'll be listed at the front of your phone book. I wish you the very best.
2006-11-30 00:42:32 · answer #2 · answered by cotopaximary 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If your gf is an alcoholic, then she needs help. Is she abusive toward you when she drinks? If so, then maybe that's part of what's making her push you away. The bottle means more to her than you.
The only thing I can see you doing here is taking inventory of your own feelings, owning those feelings ("I love you, and I want to be with you, and help you through this") But if she is unwilling to get help for her own problems, then you will have to get your heart-broken. I'm sorry. But you need to back away for yourself, and for her.
There are other people out there for you. And you can always have a tender place in your heart for this woman. But don't let her problems prevent you from enjoying life.
2006-11-30 00:45:16 · answer #3 · answered by FL LMT 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like a little distance would do both of you some good. If she is willing to work on her alcoholism you should give her the time to do that. Being in a relationship while in recovery complicates things. You (please don't be offended) sound very co dependent. I am and addict and a codependent. Based on your exhausting post, you are caught in some drama. Things are too emotional. Both of you need to step back a bit, and give each other room to make important choices independently. This doesn't bean "goodbye". It just means that you need to respect the relationship and each other enough to give each other some breathing room. Especially when dealing with other big factors like alcoholism. My ex an I were very like this... I moved out, got clean... gave him his space... and he is slowly making right choices... Our relationship has changed, and is stronger in alot of ways. And who knows, maybe we can move back in one day. Relationships are tough. I also recommend therapy. I wouldn't have been able to quit drugs and the crazy relationship if I hadn't the support of my therapist.
Much Love to you,
Gregory
2006-11-30 01:04:20 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can't help her. She has to help herself. And by you staying in the situation you become a victim of abuse. If you love her you need to check her into rehab. I don't know why you mention weight as that isn't really useful info. As she is your first in many things I'm sure it's very difficult but your first won't be your last and she shouldn't be your hardest either.
You don't want to become an enabler. She obviously needs professional help that you aren't qualified to give her. If she refuses to check into rehab to get some help then she doesn't love you and in turn may end up using you until you burn out. And you don't really want that do you?
2006-11-30 04:47:23 · answer #5 · answered by Cybrocupid 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have revolved your whole conciousness around this woman and now you feel you could not live without her. You are codependent and that is very dangerous becuz in your case it is not healthy. If you trully love this woman you can/should let her go. She will keep pushing you away the more you latch on. This is your first relationship and trust me things will get better if you are without her. I hope you do this for your own sake honey. Trust me, I was there. I had an alcoholic g/f and she was my first.
2006-11-30 04:05:16 · answer #6 · answered by Namaste 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She sounds like she trying to tell you that she doesn't want to be with you anymore. Personally, I think you should let her go and move on. You will find someone who is right for you and this girl doesn't cut it. I think once you get away from her, your self-esteem will go up and you'll see that it was a bad relationship. I don't see anything good coming out of you and her. You can still be there to support her and be her friend, if that is what she wants and needs, just don't be intimate.
2006-11-30 00:49:09 · answer #7 · answered by Grommitt18 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Does the word: codependent mean anything to you? Well it should.
Let her go because you are already codependent with her.
She cannot improve as long as you are around (she must know that inside) and you need to make a life of your own.
It's tough, I know, but eventually you will get over her and have a much better life and so will she.
You can always come here and we will try to help you but you have to break the chain of co dependence now before you both get too deeply set into this type of behavior.
2006-11-30 00:38:58 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Honey, she may be right. She may be needing to work on her own issues. It sounds like you *have* suffered. Perhaps let her know you are willing to wait on her if she needs that--it would be a good thing for you both.
Many addiction counselors would advise her to take a break from a relationship for a while, too.
She is trying to help both you and herself. Please recognize that, and honor her.
*hug*
2006-11-30 00:38:06 · answer #9 · answered by GreenEyedLilo 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If she's only causing you problems, but you still love her, try relationship counseling. If you are unable to and she doesn't want to, consider a break-up as being better for both of you. Things aren't what they used to be. If she doesn't want to change, you can't make her. Get out there, sexy and single, and you will be surprised at the awesome new girls you'll meet!
2006-11-30 06:23:16 · answer #10 · answered by roxusan 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋