my mother died how can i cope?

Question

my mother died almost 2yrs ago of a brain tumer. when i think about her it hurts so much i have to block it out and do somthing to get my mind off of it it seems to work but no matter how much i block it out i still think about her everyday how can i think about her with out hurting i miss her so much. can you help?

Answer 1

I went through the same feelings when my mother who was my best friend and only person in the whole world I trusted. I still miss her like crazy and it's been 5 years. But the hurt does go away after some time. I use to remember the day she passed and be reminded of it every year on that day and break down. Then one day I decided enough was enough, she wouldn't want me to feel like that. So I let that day pass without a thought and decided to celebrate her birthday every year. I bake a cake and talk about her endlessly to my children. We all sing happy birthday and have cake and ice cream. (the good memories, not her illness or dying) Damn I miss her but I only allow myself to remember the happy times. Everyone is different though. I hope you are able to find something that brings back the good feelings about her and allows you to let go of the pain. Best of luck to you. Take care!

Answer 2

I understand how you feel, I lost my father 3/22/06 and we have
not and will not ever get over him. What you need to do is buy
your self a journal and start writing all the things you would like
to tell her. Buy a Photo Album of pictures of her and you and then
her with everyone else. This way you have something to look at
each time you think about her. Also down load some songs that
she liked and play a few when your in the mood to listen to her
songs. Your memories will never die. Visit her at her burial site
sit there for a few hours, reminiscing of the both of you, just
remember she'll be looking down from above. I can't speak for
others but for myself and for my family, when we have the chance we go to the cemetery to spend quality time with him there.
And there is nothing wrong with that. Just keep her in your heart
and mined. Each night before you go to bed tell her good night
and that you love and miss her very much. It's okay. No one is
going to judge you or talk about you. If you need a hug from
someone all you have to do is ask a family member and you
shall receive.

Answer 3

It takes a while to work through the stages of grief and loss. It doesn't happen quickly.
You shouldn't block out the memories of your mother. She was a very important person in your life and precious. Even the memories of her last days are treasures.

A good way to work through some of the pain you feel is to have a private, just-for-you memorial ceremony to say goodbye to her and give closure to the pain. You can invite one or two close friends who understand what you're going through and knew her too. Go somewhere your mother enjoyed being, or by a river, and sit quietly together, reminiscing about your mother and the good things you remember about her. Bring along something small to eat and drink and some flowers. As you talk and eat and cry together, let the feelings of overwhelming pain and loss flow out and away. Leave the flowers as a memorial to your mother, or toss them one by one in the water.

The kind of grief you're experiencing doesn't end all at once. It takes time for the knife-sharp edges to dull. Believe me, eventually the busyness of your life will help heal your heart. That's what the saying means "time heals all wounds."

Answer 4

First of all, let me say I am very sorry about your mother's death. It is normal to hurt when thinking about her...you are only human. Thinking about her everyday is ok. You will probably think about her everyday, but at some point the pain will lessen and you will be concentrating more on the good memories and not focusing so much on her death.

Nobody will ever take her place in your heart or life. I guess one way to lessen the hurt would be to assure yourself that now she's at peace and no longer suffering.

Have you thought about joining a grief support group? Groups can be very helpful when going through traumatic life situations; nobody can understand your pain unless they have been through the same experience.

Answer 5

My dear I'm a nurse all I can tell you is yes, you weel think of her each day. Just remember your mother isn't suffering any longer & I know if you could bring her bring you wouldn't in the condition she was in. You must remember all the good times you had together & don't remember the bad days. I lost my grand-mother which was like my mother to me I still have days where I reach for the phone to call her but; then I remember she's not here. I miss her but; in the cond. she was in I wouldn't wish her back for anything . There is a saying time heals all things it seems now that your heart will never heal but; in time this pain will get better. Try writing a journal each day of your feelings instead of keeping them in your head. This has help you be able to later go back & read your thoughts later & keep them. Good -Luck. KAT

Answer 6

I'm sorry about the loss of ur mom. But the best I can tell ya is to not stop thinking about her. Think about the good and fun times with her. She 's still with u she's all around u.

I mean think about it do u recall some of the things she's say and do when u when a child? do u remember her favorite color, purfume, song, a dish she'd cook? do remember the sound of her when she'd laugh or when she'd get mad? I'm sure she would want u to hurt over her being gone, but to move on and remember the fun times and pass it on to ur kids.

So don't ever stop thinking about her face ur hurt by doing thinking of her in a wonderful fun way. Talk about her all the time and have and look at pictures of her and it will hurt less and less. On her birthday do something u know she'd like.

I hope it works out for u

God Bless

Answer 7

My father died 10 years ago, it was really hard for me. I have 5 brothers and it was even harder for them. The best thing for me was to think of everything they had done and right it down. And when I felt I was ready to release him from my mind. I started a fire and burnt the journal. It felt like there was a burden lifted off my chest. Dont get my wrong, theres always going to be some type of pain, and you should get rid of it. But you need to know that she is in a better place and that depending on what you believe in that she will be okay where shes at.

Answer 8

Dear friend, I sympathize with you so much,... I really don't know exactly how you feel, but I do have an idea of how much it hurts!
I have been in your shoes recently though, but not as recent as you with your mom. My husband died over 8 years ago, and my dad died 6 years ago... It is still hard and I miss them both so much! I do know that being busy takes your mind off the grief for a while, but it always comes back and that's ok,... We never want to forget them anyway... we always want to keep their good memories and happiness with us! It would be good when you are thinking about your mom to remember the happiness you felt with her and the great memories you had to share...I know that your mom would want you to be happy and remember her with smiles instead of tears... I know that she loved you and wanted you to keep her good memories alive... she is no longer suffering with her tumor, those brain tumors are torture... my mother in law had one for so many years... she really needed the relief from that pain as well as the chemo therapy with it's side effects too! We miss those family members, we love them so much, and they brought joy into our lives... they would want us to be happy and make our lives better because of their good examples.
Spend some quiet time thinking about your mom and just talk to her... she will listen and you will feel her there sometimes... it's a good feeling, peaceful and comforting.... I promise you that!

Answer 9

I don't know if you ever " get over" the death of a parent or loved one. But as long as you remember your Mother she will always be alive in your Heart. Your Mother wouldn't want you to be all sad and gloomy now would she ? No...of course not...she is in a great place with friends and relatives. It's OK to miss her and that is normal, but 2 years is quite long enough. Your Mother would want you to live a full and happy life. I think it's time you started. Peace, love, and laughter.

Answer 10

Hi I have a brain tumer just look at your veins in your arms and say this to yourself she is with me in my blood ! Live and move on . My brain tumer is small so don't worry about me ok but what I am trying to say is you will see her again some day!

Take Care and God Bless your mother's Soul!