OK! I know I posted this before but I still need advice. My hubby was my first but he's been with 4 other women before. I can't bear the thought of him sharing the deepest most personal part of him with someone else, even though it happened a long time ago. Is it normal to feel this way? Why do I feel so angry and jealous?? Is anyone else here obssesed with spouse's past sex life?
2006-11-29 16:24:33 · 11 answers · asked by Vixen 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I don't know what it is, but no matter how much hubby say, "I love you sweetheart, none of those people matter, I don't care about them." Nothing can get his past sex life out of my mind. How should I get rid of my insecurity?
2006-11-29 17:14:35 · update #1
You have got to get past this issue. It is NOT healthy. He can not change his past, it isn't going to magically go away. But I would place fair bets he barely ever gives those other women a moments thought. He chose you, he is with no one else but you now, and he LOVES you and you alone. If you do not somehow move past this you could start acting out in anger towards him and in the process push you husband away. You don't want that, I don't want that for you.
If you can't come to terms with it by yourself, then you need to seek therapy. For yourself and for the overall health of your marriage.
edit - Your anger stems from jealousy which in turn stems from fear. You are afraid (most likely) that you are not good enough or not as good as them. Truly, seek professional help.
2006-11-29 16:38:18 · answer #1 · answered by Poppet 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If they ask they are showing prurience and insecurity so you should wonder about them right away. After all what's done is done and no amount of 'openess' will alter that. Similarly if they are over eager to tell you about their own past encounters there is something wrong. Ask yourself this. Would I want to hear my prospective partner boasting about how many people he/her had slept with? The answer is almost certainly "No." So if your partner questions you about your past life you can bet they are storing the information and that some time in the future it will be used against you
2016-03-13 00:54:16 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes it's normal to feel that way and yes it's normal to get jealous. However, it's also normal to get angry...but you wouldn't say that a person has the right to be angry all the time.
If your husband treats your feelings with respect, and you make an effort to tell him about it instead of lashing out at him...you should both be able to eventually get past it. If he is dismissive and blames you, it will get worse. If you keep it to yourself and blame him, it will get worse.
Good luck! :-)
2006-11-29 16:47:30 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My boyfriend had sex with his ex before. When we get married, he will be my first.
You're not the only one who still thinks about giving the deepest part of him to someone else.... And I hate to think that I'm not his first.
But I think we should both move on from that. Because the men are with US now. THAT is what matters.
2006-11-29 16:28:27 · answer #4 · answered by ( Kelly ) 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sex is often about many different things. Sometimes it's about a deep emotional bond, sometimes it's just that you're feeling horney.
Simple fact is that he wants to be with you. There is no greater compliment.
2006-11-29 16:32:01 · answer #5 · answered by John Doe 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I feel the same way, most of the time. He's my first and only lover and he on the other hand has had many. He always says it's all in the past and way before my time. I guess I have performance anxiety, feeling inadequate about my knowledge of satisfying him...
2006-11-29 18:15:13 · answer #6 · answered by Worried 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to get your confidence together! If you're the one he wanted to marry, it's because you're the one that he feels is right for him in EVERY way! If you want to keep it that way, don't let your insecurities ruin it! Make the present great, & he won't be thinking about his past.
2006-11-29 16:29:47 · answer #7 · answered by pr1ncezz 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hate to break this to you sweetie, but if he said 4 it probably means more like 10. The next time you 2 are having sex, remember that him having sex with those other girls is exactly like how it is between you two. Lots of kissing and saying I love you and all that crap people say when there having sex, No different except you also cook for him. Maybe the truth will help you just put it past you.
2006-11-29 16:32:18 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
So the fifth one was the best he had and marred her.
What's the problem?
2006-11-29 16:27:00 · answer #9 · answered by mt_hopper 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I suggest you go and sleep with the past women he had. That way you will know that its something you think about, not him.
2006-11-30 02:48:42 · answer #10 · answered by ckgene 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋