Gay??????????

Question

i am a 14 year old boy. i have had crushes on girls in the past but i feel like sometimes i like guys, or i think that they are kinda attractive, but im not sure if Im gay or not. I really like hanging out with girls and i feel more comfortable around them for some reason, and i have most of my life. I do like talking to guys but it seems like most of them are assholes to me sometimes or are just not very friendly. People have asked me before if i was gay and i say no because i really dont think i am but i am really confused. Is this just a phase/curiosity thing? Do i like hanging out with girls because they are more mature for me or because of some other reason? Sometimes girls flirt with me but i am nervous to flirt back and get uncomfortable. I dont feel like having a girlfriend at the moment and i dont know if its because im just not ready to have one, or if because i actually dont like girls. please help me, tell me what you think!

i am a 14 year old boy. i have had crushes on girls in the past but i feel like sometimes i like guys, or i think that they are kinda attractive/hot, but im not sure if Im gay or not. I really like hanging out with girls and i feel more comfortable around them for some reason, and i have most of my life. I do like talking to guys but it seems like most of them are assholes to me sometimes or are just not very friendly. People have asked me before if i was gay and i say no because i really dont think i am but i am really confused. Is this just a phase/curiosity thing? Why do I like hanging out with girls so much, is that weird? Sometimes girls flirt with me but i am nervous to flirt back and get uncomfortable. I dont feel like having a girlfriend (or flirting) at the moment and i dont know if its because im just not ready to have one, or if because i actually dont like girls. i get curious of others guys' penis sizes too. please help me!

I didnt know that this doesnt get rid of what i put before so thats why i repeated it but i added some stuff to it, so read the second one. what i mean about the penis sizes is like if im changing in the locker room, im curious to see the sizes of other guys... is that weird?

Answer 1

you will know when you 'fall' for someone, male or female. I came out at 13 and dated both until 22 when I finally realized I was more gay than straight.

You can like both, but it's really who you can fall in love with and see yourself with and love.


Be careful and safe as you experiment. Don't let anyone else tell you who you are - give it some time and you will know. ; )

Answer 2

I think what you are going thru is completely normal!
and of course you are curious to see the sizes of other guys, just to see how you compare... just calm down and stop the panic!

You are going thru a very confusing time in your life. I cannot say that you will be gay or straight, only time and your emotions will tell that. Enjoy the friendships of both the guys and the girls .. you don't have to date until you are ready. Don't let the peer pressure push you into anything you are not ready for!

...and everyone is nervous to flirt back at your age.

Try to relax and just have some fun. OK?

Answer 3

Ah the ol' "do I hang out with the boys, and talk about tractors, or sports" or dish with the girls in the kitchen where they have all sorts of fabulous talks ranging from gossip to deep intellectual stuff!!!!"

I picked the kitchen with the girls.

As you go further through puberty, you might have a stronger feeling for either of the sexes. Maybe you aren't quite developed hormonally. You are thinking about it intellectually because you are comparing yourself to your classmates, but you don't seem emotionally connected to it. Give yourself time. If you want a social life, date girls, then boys, see how you feel. I you still have this same feeling for both sexes, maybe you are bisexual!

Though social development is important, I would focus mainly on your grades. Get into a good college. Things will come your way if you put yourself in the right situation for you. Do what you love. Become somebody. Love will find you.

Love,
Gregory

PS. Feel free to email me if you need any guidance what so ever. [e-mail]...Just keep loving yourself first!

Answer 4

I wouldn't label yourself gay. At least not now. There are lots of guys who prefer the company of women. Just as there are women who really enjoy being around men and don't really like other women very much. If you found yourself becoming emotionally and sexually drawn to boys or men, that would be more of a clue that you're gay. But that's not what you're describing here.

As for flirting with girls, it sounds like you feel a little awkward in the situation...maybe even shy. This, too, is normal...and appears to be normal for you. Again, don't sweat it. The more comfortable you are with yourself, the easier it will be for you to flirt with a girl.

BTW...you may find some day that a girl is going to fall for you *because* you are comfortable with women, comfortable with yourself and you're not an a**hole like some of the other guys. And if you find that you really are more into men, you will still have some wonderful friendships with women.

Peace.

Answer 5

Unfortunately, this is a question that you are going to have to answer by yourself. I know I was asking the same thing a few years ago and have gone through very similar experiences.

Only you can call yourself gay, bi, straight, all three, or whatever else there is. I know this isn't what you want to hear, but you have to make that decision (even though I don't believe your orientation is a choice). Everyone experiences a time of self-discovery, and some have it tougher than others. If you ever want to talk, you can e-mail me. Good luck.

Answer 6

Wow, this is a very heavy question and I see many people, most in fact, have taken the time to give you a heart felt, well thought out response.

I agree with those who said you're still young and it's normal to feel confused at fourteen. I can also say that according to researchers like Kinsey, sexuality isn’t simply a matter of gay or straight. Sexuality is a continuum and while many if not most people would naturally fall somewhere between the two extremes (heterosexual and homosexual) most feel pressure to identify one way or the other. Our society and culture is usually more comfortable with black and white; this or that. Shades of gray are too ambiguous for most people and therefore culture dictates that people define themselves as this or that; gay or straight.

When I was fourteen I was just as you describe yourself now. I now know who I am but only you can know who you are. If you do eventually define yourself as gay or bisexual (I don’t like to use the term “decide” – I have never felt it was a decision, but more of a discovery or realization I made about myself over time) it’s something that you will know over time. Don’t pigeonhole yourself into narrowly defined boxes. Allow yourself time to safely explore your own sexuality. I wish you the best of luck. The fact that you are reaching out for a better understanding of yourself makes me think you’re already doing a lot of critical thinking and I think you’ll be just fine.

Remember, life after high school becomes much easier. You’ll have much less peer pressure to worry about. (grins)

Take care and good luck! Feel free to email me if you’re looking for a little advice.

Answer 7

You're not born gay, so that meana you can choose whether or not you would like to be gay. There's isn't a definite answer. If that's what you want then go for it, if not, then don't worry about it.

Answer 8

I have some good news for you!!!

YOU'RE A NORMAL 14 YEAR OLD, HORMONAL BOY!

Are you gay? Are you Straight? ONLY you will know when the time is right.

Just understand that you're body and your mind are going through some changes at this time and everything is confusing, that's perfectly NORMAL.
I can tell you from talking to my son at that age, that most guys your age are questioning themselves too. Although they won't admit it to anyone, sometimes not even themselves.

Guess what? Girls at your age are going through the exact same thing!
Adolescence is a rough time for EVERYONE. If anyone tells you different, they're lieing. It's that simple.

Don't worry about whether your gay or straight or bisexual at this point, just learn to be happy, like yourself, be confident with your changing body and emotions, know you're not alone that everyone your age feels just as confused and unsure as you do and know that it will pass in time.
You'll know what your sexuality is when your ready, no sooner and no later. That may be next week or in twenty years from now. Everyone matures at different rates, but it's almost a guarantee that everyone starts at or near your age.

Relax, be happy, hang out with your friend and ignore the rest.

This is how my son dealt with puberty and he did just fine.
Sure, he's straight, but he noticed other boys at your age too. He also had and still has many friends who are girls. He has a good understanding and appreciation of girls as well as all the same respect of fellow guys.
You'll be fine, no matter what you end up being.

Answer 9

even though i think this is question is quite clearly written for a 14 year old, im going to consider this not a fake and answer it as such.

i personally and a heterosexual man, but find myself to be friends with a lot more females than males. at the age of 14, to find that guys are assholes is not all that uncommon. guess what, us guys are assholes, especially in the eyes of a freshman in high school. dont think that you are gay just because you have realized that guys can be assholes.

most guys are nervous to flirt with girls!! the guys that arent nervous are the type to be single at the age of 30 and full of STDs.

i too have been asked if im gay by a friend. maybe the person that asked you is so impressed by you that she cant possibly imagine that a male could be so nice/cool/friendly.

i dont have a gf right now and that is because at the age of 21, i feel that there are more importnat things to be doing than spending every waking moment with a girl.

i dont think you should assume you are gay just because you arent that into girls yet

Answer 10

You are young. There is alot going on in your body at the moment. Give it time and you will know. No, it is not wrong to wonder what size another guy's penis is. Most guys have this same curiousity, many won't say it, but many do have it. It doesn't make you gay just to wonder.

Answer 11

You might be going thru a phase....although I believe that
we are what we are, but sometimes we are pressured to believe
what we are not, or don't want to admit it. Either way.
Whatever you decide is for you, that's who you should be.
I think later on you will tend to lean to the side that you
are most comfortable with.
How do you see yourself 10 years from now and with whom? If you can answer
that question, perhaps you can start to find out who you really are.
Good Luck!