why is it when my husband is in front...?

Question

of his family/friends he acts like i am total sh*it. but when its just me n him he so perfect it seems like. what is the difference weve been married for two years and this is our biggest issue.plus his parents try to control our lives and try to tell us how to raise our child. he sometimes will step up for us but other times he takes their side.
what is the problem here can someone tell me

Answer 1

It's amazing how we bring shortcomings and childhood behaviors into our relationships. Most people don't deal with these issues unless something very severe happens in their life like a divorce.

I'm sure your husband loves you very much. He must feel so much pressure when he is around his family to perform the way he thinks they want him to. Just getting together with them must bring him much turmoil, even if he isn't showing it. I feel sorry for him.

They have a very strong hold on his life if this is the case. I'm thinking it would not be a good idea to make this into a big deal. Even though he loves you he is still torn between pleasing all parties concerned. Making a big deal could tear you apart and I know that's not what you want.

It's a shame his parents aren't able to let go so he can be the man, the husband & the leader in your family. A smart woman will find a way to build him up and help him work through these issues without him feeling alienated, insecure, unworthy, childish, etc.

There is a group I would recommend who offers great teaching materials & couples retreats. I know so many people who have gained life skills through this group in building stonger families & marriages. http://www.familylife.com/marriage.asp

I would also recommend a book to you called, "The Five Love Languages". It will help you identify your husbands love language. If he feels completely loved because you are demonstrating it in a way he understands - he will stop acting out in these circumstances.

My theory about a man who is truly fulfilled with the love his wife provides is that he will go to bat for her no matter what the cost. But if there is something lacking, well room for doubt leaves huge gapping doors for others to get in and poison his mind - against you, your marriage and future together.

I give you credit for being willing to take the steps to a better marriage. Remember, sometimes there's only one into making the effort. You will see the benefit eventually. Just hang in there and be that wise woman.

Hope this helps.

Answer 2

Not enough information on what your issues with him are. Those that answer are only guessing. Since he is doing this in front of his friends too, it is possibly a "control" personality coming out. It will most likely only get worse. He needs to show others who is in control or the master.You can tell this as well by his anger in the way he drives and other things. When you are alone with him, there is no one watching so that personalty trait lessens.
Think of an actor, when the curtain rises, on with the show!
Controlling personalities normally pair or marry just the opposite, they go for girls they can dominate and control. Also they are the type that will hit or manipulate others.

Answer 3

He must be young, most young guys listen to their parents instead of being the one to raise their child. My wife use to say the same thing about me, just because I didn't side with her 100% of the time. But things changed as I became older and got use to being a parent. Good luck!

Answer 4

So my question to you - How does his father treat his mother? Is he just following the role that his father set for him? Is he trying to show his father that he is doing what he is supposed to do and living up to his expectations? Perhaps this is also why he is allowing them to control your lives. He desperately needs his parents approval because he never received it as a child. A solution? I would suggest a counselor or therapist.

Answer 5

It seems that the presence of others causes your husband stress and/or anxiety, which he then takes out on the person he feels the most comfortable with (you). As for his parents, maybe taking their side just might be the easy way out for him (as opposed to fighting with them.) When dealing with in-laws, I have found it more effective to deal with them myself (thus taking some of the pressure off of my husband.) I know ideally he should step up and speak up but that might not happen as often as you would like. I would try to avoid doing it in front of my husband (so that he didn't feel caught in the middle) and no matter what you say to the inlaws, say it with a smile. That way, even if they don't like what you are saying to them, they can't accuse you of being rude or nasty. Welcome to the wonderful world of marriage!

Answer 6

He's telling his family-friends he wears the pants in the family. your child will see this later in life and might treat that spouse the same way. ask him what's up with all that your married now he don't have to impress you anymore. good luck,,,,take care of the little one.....
p.s tell the in-laws they raised him and you don't need any help raising your child...

Answer 7

Yeah, i think he is trying to impress people and he is his true self when he is around you, but then his other true self comes out around his parents/family/friends. He feels the need to get their approval and cannot stand on his own 2 feet and make his own decisions and grow up!

Answer 8

He needs to learn that as a husband he MUST stand up for his wife to his parents, and the parents need to realize that he is married and accept his wife.

When my wife and I got married, my mother was VERY opposed to us getting married, and I stood up to her repeatedly defending my wife, because I wasn't going to let my mother get away with putting my wife down because she didn't like it that we got married.

Your husband needs to grow a back bone and stand up to his parents.

Answer 9

your hubby is acting like a jerk it seems....dont listen to his parents they are just trying to feel important by telling you how to raise your child... if i was you i would confront my hubby on how i was feeling and deal with it before it gets worse... good luck

Answer 10

Tell him when he said the big "I DO",is when you took over.Now your his mo ma now.You need to look out because once a mo ma's boy always a mo ma's boy.