Am i right to be upset and mad?

Question

my husband was married before we got together,his first marrige didnt work out for very long(more bad then good in it)..we have been married for 5 going on 6 years now...he hasnt spoken to her in about 6/7 yrs...but a few days ago he was thinking of her and knew that she lived or at least her family lived in new orlens.he was wondering if they were ok from the hurrican hitting so he went looking them up to see if he could find them which he did,her mother and she put him in contact with his first wife.i didnt have a problem with him looking for her even though he didnt tell me he did until after....she is fine and so is her family,thats what he said he wanted to find out,if everyone was ok...so he knows that they are...but now they are staying in contact with one another and doesnt tell me when they talk until a few days later when he remebers he didnt tell me.he has told me before she was his first love and he still loves her...but knows it would be all wrong..but im in his life and

loves me more...we have 2 children and i just gave birth to our second 3 weeks ago....am i wrong feeling hurt and somewhat betrayed?im mad at him and scared even though i know nothing would ever happen with them

i do plan on talking to him but before i do i would like what some of you have to say

Answer 1

I would really keep an eye on this ~ Sometimes men feel rejected or left out when there are small children around (and especially when there is a newborn or one on the way) ~ My husband did things like this and I ended up just having to talk to him about it and letting him know that it is not OK. If you have an issue with it, he should stop doing whatever it is that upsets you. His first priority is YOU and his children and NOT his first wife. For him to not tell you until days later is selfish and also shows that he is trying to hide it from you. My question would be to ask yourself, what else is he hiding? My husband on the other hand does not do this anymore because I had to keep reminding him that his first priority must be me and the children or else he can just leave.. .Our children are more grown up and independent now, however, If we didn't have our kids to argue about, we wouldn't argue about anything. ~ It just takes time and alot of adjustment. We have been married for 9 years.

Answer 2

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.

If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.

Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.

Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.

Stop trying to change = yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be.

Slower is better.

Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.

If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.

Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.

Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.

The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. They don't respect women or children. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, Why would he treat you any differently?

Always have your own set of friends separate from his.

Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.

If something bothers you, speak up.

Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.

You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.

Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.

Never let a man define who you are.

Never borrow someone else's man.

Oh Lord! If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.

A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.

All men are NOT dogs.

You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two-way street.

You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship

You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.

Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr.. Right.

Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him- he takes it for granted.

Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.

Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

Answer 3

confront him in a niceway, tell him how hurt this makes u feel, tell him it does make u feel insecure. it is never good to be in contact with an ex no matter what the reason is. u have a right to be upset, and worried. u need to start communicating more with him, maybe after u had the baby, he feels neglected and needs some tlc. if he says he still loves her i would be very worried.

Answer 4

I understand that you're hurt but you need to share that with him. You already said things that should assure you in this. If he keeps talking to her, talk again and there's always counseling. Something is amiss here. A therapist will help you get to the root if it continues.

If you are spiritual, pray about this. Talk to your Pastor or someone you can trust, not us or here.

I pray God's blessings on you and yours.

Answer 5

no i sure don't think your wrong to be hurt and a little mad i know for myself when my ex hubby idi that i was hurt and mad and scard that i was going to lose him to her i still get scared with the guy i'm with t hat u'm going to lose him to one of his ex's it's normal to feel all that and since you just had an baby it makes it even worse to to feel that way i know because i have an 8 month old and i feel that all the time with her dad

Answer 6

I think I'd be worried too, maybe you should keep an eye on him and confront him about his feelings for his ex. It sounds like maybe he's falling back in love with her.

Answer 7

he is probably confused and worried at the same time, is the relationship between the 2 of you ok??? you should talk to him and be honest ..leave the kids out of this ....and control the situation..............good luck..take care...congratulation on the new baby!

Answer 8

no you are not wrong.i would be pissed off too if my husband got in contact w/ his ex wife and kept it going. she's his past and it should stay that way and he should respect your feelings. if i were you id make sure it'd never happen again.

Answer 9

ask him how he would feel if you contacted your first love who you claim your still in love with.

Answer 10

Talk to him not us.