Help! I've been bitten and I don't know what to do?

Question

Several weeks ago, while I was walking home from the local park I was attacked by a rather large two-legged dog like creature. I managed to somehow fend it off, but after that I lossed alot of blood and I was covered with bite marks and scratches. The hospital was too far for me to go to on foot, so I ran to my apartment to call 911, but before I could even reach the phone I blacked out. The next day I awoke to find that all my wounds were healed up as if nothing happened. My clothes were still in the same state as yesterday so I guess it wasn't a dream. I decided to just go about my business and forget this ever happened. A couple of weeks later I found myself naked lying behind a couple of boxes near the nearbye ally. My mouth dripped with blood and my body felt all tingly. I'm not sure whats going on, but I don't want this to happen again so please, help me find a cure

Answer 1

stay away from the T.V.

Answer 2

Two options:

1) You could be describing classic symptoms of clinical lycanthropy, which is when a patient believes they are turning into an animal. I suggest you contact a mental health professional immediately.

2) Prince Noiktartharu, evil lord of the global werewolf shamanic uber tribe, has taken time out from his plan to enslave the human race for food and twisted pleasure, in order to target you. Despite the fact he has evaded detection for centuries and is the powerful mastermind of a savage race, you managed to fend him off. Bravo! Tragically in the process of doing so, you were infected by his bite, and are now doomed to unconsciously transform into a half man / half wolf monster and seek blood to sate your diseased hunger.

If so, don't worry! With all the surveillance cameras in modern cities, authorities will soon track your movements around slaughtered victims and detain your wolf-self. Of course, your ability to transform & regenerative powers will intrigue scientists, and finally provide mankind with the tools to rise up (rise I say!) against the evil shadow-bound manipulation of Noiktartharu and his band of half-human puppeteers. Ultimately though, after Noiktartharu has been deposed, you will be thanked, but treated as a freak and outcast.

In the meantime, you are susceptible to attack by young attractive high school students who co-incidentally happen to have a family heirloom, which turns out to be a silver wolfsbane encrusted dagger blessed by a rabbi, priest and imam under a full moon on the winter solstice. So, stay away from high schools, spray paint your skin / fur white to better seen by surveillance cameras and remember not eat cilantro (a distant cousin of wolfsbane that can irritate the sensitive werewolf gut).

Answer 3

You my friend are suffering from the bite of a 'werewolf'. This however is entirely impossible. So most likely you posses a far to powerful imagination.

Answer 4

get help as in a councelor or psychiatrist. not to say u r crazy but you must find out if u r dreaming of having stress problems! Do it quick thing bad happens!

Answer 5

Did the doctor say you could stop taking those anti -psychotic meds? Cause I think you need to get back on them. Maybe up the dosage, too.

Answer 6

i would suggest that you lay in a supply of wolfs bane. and probably lock yourself up for three days a month.

edit
my brother says that you should probably switch from a doctor to a vet. also you should get a distemper shot and get your heart worm med.

Answer 7

Howlooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Answer 8

You need to be restrained with chains once a month. I suggest recruiting a lovely female to assist you with this.

Answer 9

I don't want this to be offensive but it sounds like you were bitten by a werewolf and are turning into one try to talk to a doctor.

Answer 10

you're a creature of the night
you need to find an antidote fast

Answer 11

Give your friend a gun and a silver bullet and tell him to shoot you in the heart. That will cure you.