help with family problems?

Question

I've been married to my husband since May of this year. We have been together for about 4 1/2 years. We are both 21 and have 2 kids together. I love him dearly and do everything in my power to make things work. But I recently found out he was lying to me about smoking and taking lortab. He isn't working and is relying on me to make income even though I'm a stay at home mom. (I buy and sell horses on the side). I believe he is still lieing to me because he refuses a drug test.
What should I do? I really want what is best for my children.
And I also found out that he hasn't been depositing my checks fully, he has been keeping some of it.

Answer 1

I can't handle lying in my relationship. I had one boyfriend that lied about everything like your husband does. In the end I didn't believe a word that came out of his mouth and the relationship became toxic.

I would tell your husband that you'll leave if he doesn't do the drug test. If he still refuses, you'll know he's been using - no sane man would let his family go by not doing a drug test when he was genuinely clean, it doesn't make sense. It sounds like he's been funding his drug habit with your cheques. If I were you I'd get a bank statement and clearly highlight where he has deposited cheques so he can't squirm his way out!

Answer 2

I don't know what Lortab is but if it is some sort of drug I would confront your husband about his potential drug use and let him know that you are not going to accept him using drugs around your children. Also let him know that cigarette smoking is hazardous to his health and could cause him a great deal of health complications down the road. Offer him support to quit smoking...let him know that you want him around for a long time for yourself and your children.

As for the money issue, that is simple. Do not allow him to deposit your checks. Tell him that from now on you would like to handle the finances yourself. If you do that you have more control over where the money goes and he will be less likely to be able to buy drugs and cigarettes. He will probably be angry and rebel against you but you need to do what is best for your family. It sounds like he needs to get out and get a job. Unless he has a disability that prevents him from working, he should be helping you to support your family. There is no excuse for him to be sitting around and leeching off of you.

Good luck!

Answer 3

First protect the assets that put a roof over your kid's heads and food on their table. Get an individual bank account. On the bank of your checks write this before signing: FOR DEPOSIT ONLY then your signiture under it. Once you do that the bank won't give him any cash. Next, demand a drug test. If he isn't taking drugs then he won't have anything to hide. If he is on drugs then the person whom you are having a hard time leaving is really not the one you fell in love with. You are dealing with the addict. Consequences can be a great motivator. The kids are your lst and foremost priority. Their needs come first and they don't need to be with someone who is doing drugs.

Answer 4

Since he doesn't work and he isn't actually doing anything to help pay the bills, I wouldn't give him access to the money. Tell him that if he wants money he needs to get a job and help out. I don't really understand though, is this new behavior, or has he always been like this? I can't see him changing this drastically just because ya'll got married. You probably should of thought long and hard about having 2 kids with him, and even longer about marrying him.

Answer 5

Sounds like to me you have married a user. First of all if a man is worth anything he will do whatever he can to provide for his family. Bluntly I tell you that you need to anule the marriage and go on with your life and find someone who will LOVE WORK AND PROVIDE for you and your kids. Get rid of him now and don't use the kids as an excuse to stay together. That does't help you or your kids. In the long run you are hurting your own kids by staying and enabling him to do and be what he is.

Answer 6

Confront the issue with facts only. Lay down the law as you be live it should be. If smoking cigarettes is the worst thing he does, consider yourself lucky. Just let him know that concealment is not an option in the marriage. If he's has a history of abusing hydrocodone, I suggest you politely ask him to leave the house and never return. THIS IS NOT YOUR PROBLEM!! You will not be able to solve it. He is 100% responsible for it. Just don't tolerate it and try to ignore it. Good Luck.

Answer 7

Serious situation here. Get rid of him asap. You can trust him in what he says and before you lose everything because of his drug habits, dump him. There are help groups out there to help you out either via the churches or woman groups but do what you need to for your and the kids sake. Hes headed down the wrong street and you dont need to be with him so seek the help and do it. Good luck

Answer 8

sounds like a drug problem to me. You can only fix yourself, he has to want to get help. I like the ''hugs not drugs'' approach, but if it continues then ''tough love'' is the approach. Go to an Alanon meeting. Similar to AA but for the sufferers of drug using family members. Support in your decisions can be found there.

Answer 9

Get out of this relationship for your childrens sake! ( and yours) Parents are their childrens role models. Do you want your children to take drugs like their dad? I have just left my druggie husband of 8 years, I kept forgiving him and taking him back! He wanted 'one more chance'!! don't wait as long as I do, they never change.

Answer 10

You have to ask yourself do you leave or stay and go from there. You have been with him for 4 years. Did he just start laying around