My hubby got an inheritence from his father when he died. So he caught up all the Bills and purchased new vehicles plus bought new furnishings for the house. I need some extension dental work done so he is taking care of that. He also bought me and our daughter new glasses and then bought her contacts to. With all this said he did this because he wanted to or thats what he told me at the time.
Now he's saying since the money is almost gone I am not happy with him. Which is not true. He has changed since all of this has taken place. I have told him money doesn't mean anything to me but he refuses to listen to my facts ..He has his own logic,. This is driving me nuts what should I do...
I only want serious answers ..this is something I need to know.
2006-11-29 10:50:47 · 15 answers · asked by curious_59 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
okay so I talked about this with my hubby and this is what he had to say:
Your hubby is holding himself to a higher standard of living now that he has been able to do all of that awesome stuff for you guys and now he is feeling guilty because he can't continue to take care of you in the same way.
as far as what you should do about it, I think a little bit of understanding and support can go a long way. Of course if it were my husband, I'd just smack him and tell him to knock it off, but that is just us! LOL!! I guess what I mean by that is he is YOUR husband and none of us know you or YOUR relationship. I think if you truly take some time and look deep inside yourself, you'll find the answer on how to handle him.
Men can be wierd when it comes to money. I know mine can. I'm a stay at home mom, and we have 3 kids. You don't think supporting all of us weighs on his shoulders? He tells me all the time he wishes we had more money so he could afford to do more things for us, but to me it honest to god doesn't matter. If I wanted more money, I would find a job. We have food, clothes, a home, electricity, heat, a newer car...all the basics are covered, see, and most important of all I have HIM! I tell him this all the time -- you are my world, my life, my love, my hero...my sun rises and sets by you, without you I am nothing. And while it may sound like a load of BS to a lot of people on here, it is the honest to God's truth and he knows it. and no, we are not even close to newlyweds...we have been together 13 years on 12-16-06. I have loved him since I was 19 years old and will until I die and beyond. Just be gentle with him, reassure him, coddle him...and in time he'll come around.
2006-11-29 11:27:41 · answer #1 · answered by ♥ Sparks♥ 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He sounds a little paranoid to me. What needs to happen, since he isn't listening or believing you, is to get a third party involved--marriage counseling and/or individual counseling for him.
It definitely sounds like you cannot reason with him, so i'd say a good counselor would be able to ask the right questions, challenge his thinking, and anything else he's convinced himself of with respect to your marriage. The counselor could help him consider/hear more than just the broken record/faulty thoughts in his head.
I'd explain that there is such a thing as a "self-fulfilling prophecy"--what you believe or insist on telling yourself can come true. If he "drives you crazy" you may very well leave him at some point bc no one can live like that long term.
He needs to also hear this from somebody else who has no stake in your marriage and in whether it lives or dies; has nothing to gain. Insist that he go and/or go with you. Try not to give an ultimatum.
If he's clearly not getting better, not trying, and/or not working hard enough with the counselor and you think you're gonna stab him in his sleep bc you can't take anymore or you're ready to walk out the door, THEN give him an ultimatum and follow through on it no matter what.
Also, if new money problems have come up, sit down and make out a budget together or some sort of plan of how you're going to deal with it. The anxiety about the debt could be a large part of his anxiety over potentially losing you Working together may help give him a sense of reassurance that you're committed to him, the marriage, and the family and he'll get a better grip on himself.
Don't put this off. Good luck.
2006-11-29 19:05:19 · answer #2 · answered by answerme 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its not you, its him. He's freaked out because he spent all that money. It would freak anybody out. That must have been A LOT of money.
Try not to talk too much about it - he may calm down after time passes. Just be REALLY APPRECIATIVE of all the stuff he did. Hell when my guy brings home McDonalds for us I give him a big kiss. Try to not explain too much to him, just make him feel like a king for doing all he did for the family. Tell the kids to gush too. Gush and praise and kisses. That should do it. What's the one about the tiger? If he hollers hold him tight.
2006-11-29 18:57:40 · answer #3 · answered by Ade 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only thing you can do to prove that money doesn't mean anything to you is to stay by his side when all the money is gone. Try reassuring him by telling him that you stayed by him as you got into debit and you married him for better or worse, you love him and money means nothing. Hope this helps.
2006-11-29 18:57:33 · answer #4 · answered by sweet_az_kandii 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a big money issue, it can control my feelings. thats what it sounds like is going on here. i think you should ignore it any time he says something you say, its just money, we will make more. When i start spending large amount of money in the thousands, i get all depressed, which might be why they say the rich are unhappy, but, when more comes in im on top of the world again, you see why i say ignore it?
2006-11-29 18:54:15 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Remind him that you loved him before the money came and will still continue to love him when its gone. Its sad that he feels the need to be reminded of all this but maybe you can plan a small short get a way and try to rekindle your relationship...
2006-11-29 18:57:55 · answer #6 · answered by WENDY G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He probably felt he was able to take better care of you and your daughter while he had the money, now that it is almost gone he might have to get back in the pace of taking care of you the way it was before and that means possible getting in debt again. Just be patient and let him know you loved him before the money, during the money and you will love him after the money. let him know you did not marry him for money, you married him for love.
2006-11-29 18:55:20 · answer #7 · answered by faith 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think maybe he resents spending the money the way he did and he blames you for what happened to it . Since he has changed and you are unhappy have you considered a divorce? I sure would be cause you are un happy . Think about it. good luck and god bless and happy holidays.
2006-11-29 18:59:09 · answer #8 · answered by Kate T. 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He just needs you to reassure him that is not true. He is expressing his fears and wants to see your reaction. You say he has changed so I assume maybe your really aren't happy with him but it has nothing to do with the money. If he has changed then when did he change and how has he changed? You really need to look at your this very carefully.
2006-11-29 19:04:33 · answer #9 · answered by Suesan W 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it sounds like depression he was able to spend for awhile and now he won't be able to and that is depressing and he problably wondering if that is the way he should have spent it. i know when my grandfather passes i am being left a bit and he is still alive and i worry will i do good with it or blow it so maybe he is thinking maybe he should have done different good lick my dear sounds like you need it right now.
2006-11-29 18:56:51 · answer #10 · answered by LOLO 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋