Will I ever have grandchildren?

Question

I have three sons, the oldest from my first marriage and the other two with my current husband. They are all in their 20’s (ages 27, 23 and 20). All of my old friend’s kids are having kids of their own and I am starting to worry about the possibility of never having grandchildren of my own.

My oldest son, Michael, has everything going for him. He’s tall, intelligent, handsome, pulls in a six-figure income, and has just made a down payment on a new home. He has been in several long-term relationships, but hasn’t found “the one” yet. He says he wants to save money, travel the world and do all the things he wants to do before “settling down” and I keep telling him that he may be letting opportunity pass him by. He will be 30 in a few years whereas I married when I was in my late teens and then again when I was in my early 20's.

The middle child, Evan, doesn’t seem to want to grow up at all. He doesn’t seem to care about anything or anyone but himself. I have tried being nice, I have tried the tough love approach, I have tried everything and nothing seems to work. When I try telling him the qualities that most (decent) girls look for in men, he essentially tells me “Who the [expletive] cares what they want? I’m on “marriage strike” anyway!” With his attitude, I don’t know if he will ever be open to true love and I truly feel sorry for him. He can’t even respect his mother and father and I can only hope and pray that one day he will change for the better.

My youngest son, Blake, has a very kind heart and has made me proud thus far. Straight A’s in high school and has continued to do well in college. Although he is doing well academically, he has only had one girlfriend his entire life (the summer between his junior and senior years of high school). He prefers to spend the majority of his free time on the computer and his social life has suffered tremendously because of it. He is also a little overweight. Is it too early for me to be worried or should I be concerned at this point? Thank you for your input.

Answer 1

I think it's great your eldest wants to travel and save money. When he does find the one he won't have any regrets. He is only still young, and men usually marry later than women given that men are usually older than their wife/gf. Don't put pressure on him, if you try to force him into marriage and kids he may regret it and blame you!

As for the other two, they are even younger. I would freak if my 20 y.o son told me he got a girl pregnant. I understand your need to be a grandmother but you can't rush them to fulfil your own needs. Just let them find their own way and things will be fine.

Answer 2

Ok first off let me say this. Yes you will eventually find your life surrounded by grandchildren. Stop trying to rush things along. I am a faterh of 7 boys. They too run a gammit of personalities. I have them from super smart, to fantastic jobs, to rednecks. I can tell you now that not only did they change thier attitudes about children but about females as well. I only have one and he just recently divorced and is stationed in Iraq for his third time. He has no children. And I have an 18 year old who is living with his girlfriend he meet not too long before he moved from home.

And I can now tell you this I have 12 grandchildren. Once they started coming I was surrounded by babies. I have another one due in March of next year. And like I said I have 7 sons and now I have 10 granddaughters and 2 grandsons. With 2 of my sons yet to have any babies. But their is still time for them after all. So relax and stop fretting about things that will happen in time. Maybe not the time your wanting. Just relax and enjoy your free time it won't last forever.

Answer 3

It's way too early to be worried. People do leave marriage much later now and that's ok. They sound like 3 very decent sons. All very different but each of them will in time take the path they choose and settle in one way or another.

Try not to (how shall I put this...?), well try not to breathe down their necks too much....you could make them fed up with being nagged and do the exact opposite of what you want.

I know it's hard but really grit your teeth on this one. Remember too that of course you want grandchildren but ultimately it is their lives and it is what they want that counts.

I'm sure in the years ahead you''ll continue to be proud of them all and you may well have your wish for grandchildren if it is their wish also.

I married also at 19, my son is 24 and married (I thought that was young but he'd been with his girlfriend for years. My daughter has no interest in marraiage at this time and she is 22. As long as they are happy, that's the most important thing to me.

In your additional details you write very proudly of your 1st and last son and mention the problems your second son has. He needs to find his own path, all you can do is be there for him and encourage him. Try not to be 'at him' too much. He is an adult and must learn through his own mistakes. Also if he knows it bothers you, ironically, he could do it all the more. I think what he is doing is trying to make a statement that he is grown up and can do what he wants....so allow him without passing too much judgement. He is a middle child and the is clear evidence that the middle child can feel psychologically inferior because they have to establish a rank for themselves....they are neither the eldest or youngest. He is breaking loose and doing stuff you may not approve of to try to establish himself. It must be hard for him when his two brothers are doing so well in DIFFERENT ways to him. Really think about this....'cos I know most parents initial reaction (including my own), would be to defend myself immediately against what I am about to say. Do you give more praise to the other two sons? Do you openly praise them in front of him......often we're not even aware that this happens...but really think.....could this be this case? Have you ever said to your middle son, Why can't you do x y z? All these things give him messages that perhaps he's not as good as his brothers.
Try to reflect on this. It may not be intentional but even mentioning all their successes say to relatives etc. does the middle son feel like he's hearing too much of it?

Anyway, I think if you can relax a bit more about things, try not to focus on whens and ifs etc. and just accept whatever comes, not only will your sons be happier but you will be able to relax more too.

I hope that this is of some help.

Best wishes.

Answer 4

Times have changed, people our age, (20's, 30's) do things much later now. I believe people our age are more likely to stay together forever if we meet and marry after 25. That's what statistics show. There's just way too much stress today about other things like money and success. We feel we need those things, and I see many people who marry early as talking marriage lightly and giving up, not working at it. They are fine, people can have kids into their mid to late 30's now. Love should hit eventually, then everything else falls into place

Answer 5

You got a case of grandchild envey. Me too! I want a little girl that I can dress in frilly little dresses, and bows. Do I have a granddaughter yet, and quess what my daughter says "five years, Mom"

My friends all have grandkids, one has 6! My daughter is only 21, and I have a 17 year son that swears not to look to him for any. Don't loose hope yet, you still got plently of time for the babies, but it doesn't help the longing in your heart and arms for one.

Boys will be boys, it seems that couples are putting having children later on in their lives, where as we had a wedding, then boom-there's the babies. Careers and traveling come first, and that's not wrong-but it doesn't help us any. I have all kinds of things for my grandbabies all ready bought. Shoes, dresses, toys, and I have even made blankets. So, you aren't by yourself in wanting to hear Grandma being called.

Your kids sounds like nice young men, who have their heads on straight, The middle child seems to want to bypass it, but I bet he will be the one who gives you the most grandbabies. Don't push, it will happen. I will pray for you one or two, and you do the same for me..then maybe we will hear the patter of little feet before we are so old we can't enjoy them. lol

God bless us all............

Answer 6

I too yearn for Grandchildfen! I have 2 grown young adult children. Neither I'd interested in he I g a family. My daughter chose a career and son too busy climbing mountains !! I pray a lot these days!! .

Answer 7

Mother, don't worry or push your Adult children into having children, before they are emotionally and financially capable. Let them mature first.

To occupy yourself until they do, there are plenty of orphaned children and infants that simply need someone to hold them and care for them. Contact hospitals and orphanages or State children's sanctuaries for abused children. These children have suffered and need to heal emotionally and physically. These organizations need people to give these unwanted children some attention. Start finding people to donate food, toys and clothing for those already born and have not one soul to nourish them spiritually.

Answer 8

Don't worry about it and the next thing you know - there will be grand children all over the place. Just give your boys some time and don't compare them to you and when you had children.