how do you stop being nice and letting people get away with murder, esp those closest to you?

Question

y do nice people finish last

Answer 1

There are two types of nice people which for lack of better definition:
heathly nice people
unhealthly nice people

Being nice is a subjective term. You can be nice, as in pleasant, cheerful and courteous with every one you meet.

And nice people do favors for each other, but generally with equal reciprocation. Many times the problem is limiting this by people who who can't refuse a reasonable favor. Though each favor may be reasonable, the volume without reciprocation is the missing judgement that the "nice person" is without.

This inability to set limits, esp with those closest to them, is the problem, which sets them up. They spend so much time and energy taking care of others they came in last because they never took care of their needs.

Sometime they don't take care of their own needs, because they also lack emotion, motivation, or feelings which is essential in generating their own needs. Lacking direction in which to do things for themselves, they do things for others because they have nothing to do for themselves. .....Like a "nice woman" who has no goals for herself except to be in a relationship, and latches on to a guy who constantly needs things done.

More cleverly disguised, is the "joiner" who can't come up with his own needs and simply joins a group and develops the group's needs.

Get in touch with your goals, set your agenda, and stop to do a favor for someone once in a while. But get back to your agenda, you might be too busy for them to find you and ask.

Answer 2

Learn to say no.

Learn to plan ahead. That way when someone wants you to do something at a specific time it will be easier to refuse. You'll already have an appointment.

Also, anticipate things more. If you have already thought out what reactions the other person is likely to have in any given situation, you'll have your answers prepared so that you will know what you are willing to say yes to and what you want to refuse. That way you will not be surprised into situations you didn't anticipate as much.

Answer 3

It is often easier to take kindness for weakness. Sometimes people push your buttons because they know they can.

You can be nice, but you first need to know you limits. I respect people that know how to speak there mind with the situation requires it.

Have you ever heard the old saying, "it is better to fear then loved, Fear last long."

Answer 4

do something back to them that they wouldnt expect you to do(w/out them knowing of course)