i love my boyfriend with all my heart, but im 18 years old and i want to be able to hang out with friends, and do my own thing when i please. not on his terms. i live with him so he feels hes in complete control of me, i just want to live my life and be a party animal while i still can before i grow up and have to be a serious adult for the rest of my life. he doesnt have much of a life for himself, other than me, which is why its so hard for me to just tell him. but with the way he thinks, i know when and if i bring this up, he will think im trying to break up with him and just want to be single to mingle and do my own thing without him...but thats not it at all.....on top of that im sick of all my friends being able to buy nice clothes for themselves etc, and i have to worry about grocries and rent bcz i live with my boyfriend who always needs help with the bills...please someone help me i love this guy but i cant be with him without losing myself......
2006-11-29 09:51:20 · 22 answers · asked by samsam 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I love him...but? I don't think you do love him in a way that will sustain your relationship. I think you know that too. It's time to move on.
2006-11-29 09:56:10 · answer #1 · answered by TheProfessor 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Okay, first of all if this story is true, it's messed up. What's a 30 year old guy doing with an 18 year old girl? I know for sure he definitely isn't looking for a long term relationship. Don't even tell me you're "in love". He's probably one of those perverts you hear about on the news 24/7 that prey on young girls like yourself. It also sounds like he has you brainwashed into believing he loves you and he cares, but that's not true. I give props to your brother, because he actually cares. My advice is to get away from him while you can.
2016-05-23 03:04:02 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why in the world do you love this guy?
He is a control freak who has -- as you say -- taken over your life. Your life, which now sucks, thanks to his demands. And you're giving him money to pay his bills? He limits your friendships and how you spend your time? He's totally dependent upon you for his emotional well-being and socialization?
That's not love. That's obsession. And this kind of obsession almost always escalates into violence.
Honey, your story is making my skin crawl with dread. You are moving into a situation where you will be little more than a slave.
Get out NOW. With a friend, your dad, brother, someone -- go to your apartment with boxes, tell him it's over and why and start packing NO MATTER WHAT HE SAYS ABOUT GIVING HIM A SECOND CHANCE. And then leave to go someplace safe. Do not take his calls or see him. You need to break this off now.
Please, take my advice. I do not want you to become another statistic in domestic violence and that's exactly where you are headed.
2006-11-29 10:18:48 · answer #3 · answered by Karen L 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I can tell you love him but this has abuse written all over it. Nothydicsl bur emotional abuse. You say you are 18 can you move oput maybe back with you parents? I think you should be able to be a young carefeee person when you are 18 and this man is not good for you. You are the only thing he had so he wsnt to keep you under his thumb. he needs to find some other thingd to do you need to tell him yes i love you and wsant top be with you but if you are going to keep tryint to run my life i can't dtsy eoth you. Just because i want to go out eith my friends does not mean i want to break up with you. After all i am only 18.
2006-11-29 10:02:10 · answer #4 · answered by l_iwoman 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No offense, but it sounds like you're not ready for a serious relationship. By the time my wife and I were serious, I didn't even want to go out drinking with my friends unless she was coming along. But, there was a time where you couldn't have chained me down. Sacrificing your fun years is only going to lead to a midlife crises and if things do turn out serious between you two, you may begin to despise that he robbed you of your youth.
If you really want to continue being with this guy, you need to either help him get involved with things that will pre-occupy his time while you're out with your friends, or bite the bullet and bring him along. Maybe if you had some friends that were also couples it would make things easier. Do some double date stuff. Ultimately, you need to enjoy being young. It will NEVER come back.
2006-11-29 10:07:49 · answer #5 · answered by FBWillie 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are only 18 how old is he???? If you need more space moere time for you to party and have fun then move out even thougth you love him you are not a slave that will have to be there if he doesn't have a life and you love to be out there and have $$ and time for you.. Do you have kids??? IF not it is better move out and have time for you that way you r $$ and time will be only yours don't ruin your life maybe someone better come later in the future and will be better that regreting on staying with him because you love him BUT you can't have a life .. Think about it and don't ruin your life rigth know have fun if you want and llet him be responsible of his own acts !!! best wishes !~~~
2006-11-29 10:06:59 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Move back home if you can, if not move in with a girlfriend. You aren't ready for a live in serious relationship and you shouldn't feel bad that you aren't. At 18 you should be doing all of the things that you talk about wanting to do. If you have to leave while he is at work.
2006-11-29 10:43:18 · answer #7 · answered by kandekizzez 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't have your cake and eat it too.
Meaning, you can't act like a grown, married adult, and still get to act like a kid.
If you don't want the responsibilities of a grown married person, then stop acting like one - move out, get some of your friends to be roommates with, and take your relationship back to that fun, 18-year-old level that you do want, and deserve to experience.
If he's not game for that, then maybe it is time to break up with him. I know it's impossible to imagine now, but there are plenty of other guys out there that you could love just as much if not more.
good luck.
2006-11-29 10:09:55 · answer #8 · answered by daisyk 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetheart, as long as you remain in this kind of relationship, you will continue to lose yourself. Your last comment bothered me, "and i have to worry about grocries and rent bcz i live with my boyfriend who always needs help with the bills" It sounds to me like you're staying because you feel financially obligated. You're young, is it an option to move back with your parents until you can stand on your feet by yourself?? I'd be out of this relationship in a heart-beat. As long as you remain there, he will continue to control you and your life, and you will continue to lose yourself and your life.
2006-11-29 10:00:13 · answer #9 · answered by restless_nymph 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Get out now while you can. If he is that conttroling now it can only get worse. Go back home and live with your folks for a while find a couple of your girlfriends who want to get an apartment( make sure they have a steady job first). Then let the good time role.
2006-11-29 10:31:52 · answer #10 · answered by chknclaw 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
how about taking a break? You are only 18. you have your whole life ahead of you to be with him. maybe you just need a couple years. he should understand that, and he should wait for you. also, if he doesnt have much for himself besides you, then it is obvious he could use that time to make a life for himself. to have a healthy relationship, both parties have to be ABLE to have lives of their own, and just CHOOSE to combine them. It sounds like he only has a life with you. It sounds like you both need some time.
2006-11-29 10:02:07 · answer #11 · answered by mary 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋