Why wouldn't he even touch me or show any affection?

Question

My hubby is going on a business trip tomorrow for one week.I am pregnant with my 3rd but he would not even touch me or show me any affection.He treats me like the volunteer live in housekeeper/babysitter.I know he has other women in his life and its getting really hard not to go ballistic about it.I love him very much.Now he wants to pack his suitcase because he's going out.When Iasked him where he said to mind my own business.
I use to be so sharp tongued and that had once gotten him to end his first affair but now its like he just does not seem to care about how our family will be affected by his behavior.He hasn't touched me in months

Answer 1

Your husband cheats on u and your fine with this? He obviously just cares about his own feelings. If he loved you he wouldn't cheat, and he would care more about you more than any business trips, and it sounds like he takes you for granted. You should talk to him about how you feel, and if he carries on, even though you love him, you would be better off without him.

Answer 2

I'm very sorry for you, but I think you have answered your own question.

1. He has already had, as you say, his FIRST affair. Once a cheater, always a cheater.

2. He's telling you that his whereabouts are none of your business. Once a cheater, always a cheater.

3. He hasn't touched you in months. He shows you no affection. Once a cheater, always a cheater.

Therefore: I think you can come to two conclusions. He's having an affair AND he wants to treat you like crap until you explode and kick him out so that the end of your marriage will be YOUR fault.

I would strongly urge that you see a lawyer immediately. Use the time he is away on his business trip to find all of his financial information that you can, look up his computer history, etc. In other words: get the goods. Prepare yourself for a divorce and then slap him with the papers.

(I have to say reading the stories on here tells me, if I had not known it already, that once a cheater always a cheater. This is why it never pays to give certain people a second chance.)

Answer 3

Have some respect for yourself sweetheart! Let him go on his "business trip" and while he's away, pack the rest of his things and change the locks!

Chuck him out now before he leaves you anyway! You'll be so mush better off without him!

It won't be easy because you love him I know, but ask yourself this, if he felt the same would he treat you like this? The atmosphere in the house can't be good for the kids so for their sake and your sanity, be strong and throw him out. Start thinking about you and your children and especially your pregnancy and general health, being upset all the time won't be good for the baby.

Time is a great healer, honestly! Good luck! x

P.S. You have two beautiful children (i'm sure) and another on the way, what do you actually need him for now anyway?!

Answer 4

Well, his behavior is not appropriate. See if you can talk him into going out to dinner at a medium-priced restaurant. Get a baby-sitter. Try to talk to him about your feelings. If that does not work, try to get him into marriage counseling. That is if you want to salvage what marriage is left.

I don't know what you mean about 'sharp-tongued'. Was it only as a reaction to his first affair? Or were you that way all the time?

You said you love him but that does not mean you have to put up with abandonment while you are pregnant or disrespect, even verbal abuse. It sounds scary but I don't see things improving for you if the above stuff does not work.

Something must be wrong with him. When my wife was pregnant with my son, I thought she was beautiful and sexy.

Good luck


If the above solutions have been tried or are tried and don't work, then it may be time for a private eye and/or a lawyer. Cheaters on TV will do this for free, if you are broke. Don't tell him what you are doing. Just spring it on him after you have the evidence. Or have the lawyer serve him with papers.

Answer 5

WHY ARE YOU PUTTING UP WITH THIS???

He's having affairs and doesn't care that you know. How little respect has this man got for you?
Why are you trying not to go ballistic about this? If it was my husband he'd be in pieces by now. You have every right to get angry. You both took vows to each other and in front or your friends. And he's completely ignoring them.

You deserve better than this, and so do your children. How will you feel if they ever find out what Daddy does in his spare time? Or, god forbid, that they have half-brothers and sisters?

This man deserves to die lonely and alone. Unless he's the Sultan of Brunei and he's feeding your diamond habit, LEAVE HIM.

Answer 6

My dear, your "man" is out doing what? Your sharp tongue ended his previous affair? Meaning he has another? What kind of marriage is this? I'd say you have a low down dirty dog cheater on your hands and its time to kick him to the curb. Do your homework, get financially prepared to leave (don't tell him anything). Gather records, copy all bank statements, financial records, credit card debts and so on. Do your best to get money set aside is a separate "Go to Hades" accounts for yourself and your children. Go see a lawyer quietly and have a consult to see what else you should be doing to get ready for the inevitable. I know this is hard, and being pregnant with your 3rd child, but this guy is not worthy of any more of your sympathy or love. Do not allow your children to grow up in this enviroment, they will think that cheating is okay and that disrespecting their Mom is okay too. You have my sympathy. Good luck to you!

Answer 7

I'm really sorry, that sounds very abusive!!

I'm sure everyone will say leave his sorry ***, but I know ur not going to do that yet.

Your child will be born soon, maybe when ur settled u'll have some time to get ur strength up.

If u live in England then finacially u'll be better off on ur own, and as long as u have a good support network u'll be fine.

In the mean time u need to plan and prepare ur escape an dstart building on ur self-esteem and confidence.

Good luck

Answer 8

The next time he goes out of town- pack the rest of his stuff, put it in storage, change the locks, file for divorce and have him served at the office or at the hotel he's staying at when he's out of town...

You can make it on your own- millions of women have. You have to STOP having babies with him...they won't make him stay.

Sweetheart- learn to LOVE yourself...your husband can't do that for you.

Obviously he doesn't care about you, your family or anything other then his PENIS. Do you want to live the rest of your life like this! Become a REAL WOMAN, stand on your own too feet and JET!

Answer 9

Dust off that old sharp tongue of yours and while he's gone, change the locks. When he comes banging on the door and asks why they're locked, tell him none of his business. Tell him his stuff is in a box to the left.

Don't ever, ever go begging to a man like that. Men like him only understand swift kicks and stregnth. Give him a little of both. IF you want him back. Do you?

Answer 10

Hey there, you're having a really hard time at the moment. You know inside yourself all the answers to this question but you just don't know what to do about it since you're not only married to this guy but also have children and are emotionally and financially dependent on him.

You know you must take that step that you already knew you should have done before this baby was concieved - and left him then. Yes, you are sharped tongued but what else could you do since you have no self-esteem left from his affairs? Girl, listen to what you already know in your heart:::

First step - Remind yourself that your kids are your priority. You must do whatever you can to protect them from hearing anymore arguments and seeing you upset and screaming. You need to now start making moves to prepare for a new life with just you and your kids.

Second Step - Look at you...you're beautiful. Pick yourself up of that floor and dust yourself down. BE STRONG. Marriages break up all the time for all different reasons. Even celebritys and famous people's marriages break down. However, there are two things you must do. Tommorrow, go get advice on government housing for yourself and your kids and government income benefits. You need to make plans for your future. And you need to do it NOW.

STEP THREE: You need support. Get anyone you can talk to, friends, family, counsellers for support. People want to help you. They don't want to see you be used as a door mat anymore. They want you and your kids to be happy. Your husband won't change, so YOU are going to change. I know you can. Even if you have those emotional ties to him.

STEP FOUR: When he comes back next week, give him a final chance. Either you both go to counselling to find the root cause of the problem and work together to solve it, or if he won't - then you get rid of that bag of rubbish and move on. You need to do this. You know you have to do this. You can't make a man change. He has to want to change himself.

In the meantime, life is precious. Don't waste another minute on a man that is not prepared to help your relationship. Accept that people are human and people change their feelings, change their minds. You too can find it within yourself to do this. You MUST do this for yourself and your kids. Don't be someone's doormat. He will use you for as long as you let him. Show him the door, or show him the papers you've prepared for the start of your new future and ask him what his choice is.... does he want to make this work or does he want to be thrown out with the rubbish where he belongs?

Remember....there are LOADS of nice, caring single guys out there who will love you and your kids. You may have got married to this man who's now turned out to be a loser, ...........but he's not the only man in the world.............. You DESERVE a better man, you DESERVE a better life and happiness. Let yourself only accept a caring, faithful man in your life right now and forever. If your husband won't change, then treat yourself to the very real thought that another man will love you and be faithful and it will happen.