Are Thank You Cards important?

Question

I got married over 2 years ago, I wrote out all of my thank you cards, had them addressed, stamped and ready to go. My husband and I moved and all 200 of them were lost in the move. I couldnt bring myself to re-do all that work, so I never sent them out. Now I am pregnant, and my Grandma refuses to throw me a shower because she says that "everyone" is offended that they didnt get a thank you card for the wedding...

My view is... Thank you cards are nice, but they arent necessary. I invited "you" to "my" party... paid over 70.00/Plate for "you" to come to "my" party, and gave you a night of dancing, cake, and little wedding favors on the table....

Is it right for people to be THAT upset over it? Personally, I am NEVER offended when I dont receive one, and when I do, I think "Oh thats nice".....

Opinions please! Thanks!

Oh - Side Note - I did not ask my Grandma to throw the shower- My mother did since my mother lives in another state.

Can you imagine hand writing over 200 thank you cards, paying for over 200 stamps, addressing them, licking over 200 envelopes and then losing them. There is no way I was going to re-do them all. The people who are close to me were thanked in person, but 75% of my wedding guests were extended family that I dont even know their names if they were in front of my face.

And to Michaluna - We had amazing dinner, dancing, champaigne and the most delicious cake you have ever tasted. (Just for the record) :)

Mostly my question was not to say "is it ok that I never sent cards" it was to ask if it was ok for other people to be soooo offended that they never got one... that they wouldnt want to come to a baby shower?

Answer 1

I am the same way about thank-you cards...they are a nice way of letting people know that you really appreciated their gift, presence, etc...but I do think your grandmother might be overreacting. Maybe if you explained to her what happened she might understand?

If not, then I wouldn't worry too much. Most people will be focused on celebrating your bundle of joy, not the absense of your thank-you cards from your wedding. All you can do is apologize and move on. Good luck!

Answer 2

This is funny you asked this question, because I had a Baby shower on October 29th and I still never sent out the thank you cards I thought because my shower was huge 40 people that was a lot of stamps I would send out the thank you card and birth annoucement together and a picture of the baby which was due last Saturday and won't come out. anyway back on topic I thought I would save a bit of money on stamps and do it that way well my grandmother asked me two days ago why I hadn't mailed my thank you cards yet because my aunts have all been asking her about. She was OK with it all when I explained what I wish to do. So promise her that you will and send ever body a small picture if you can.Take care and I hope you get your shower it is well deserved trust me lol

Answer 3

The other answers on your question are really off base I think. Consult ANY etiquette guide online or in the library and they will all tell you that thank you notes are absolutely essential and are definitely not "optional" when someone attends your wedding or shower and gives you a gift of any kind. It doesn't matter that you spent a lot of money on the party you threw.

From the point of view of your guests: they bought a nice outfit, had their hair and nails done, paid a baby sitter, went out the mall and bought a nice gift, wrapped it and mailed it to your house along with a thoughtful card, paid to travel to your event, and sat through a long wedding and boring cocktail reception for a tasteless rubber chicken dinner and some stale white cake!

Thank you notes don't have to be long, just a few lines, but they must be sent out. Its too bad you lost the ones you wrote, but its never too late to send out new ones.

That said, however, I agree that Grandma in this case is being quite petty. She is this child's great grandmother for god's sake!

Answer 4

It depends on the family really! My husband's family sends them for EVERYTHING and they keep track of whether they recieved one or not (it's actually topics of conversations on who already has their thank you notes and who is waiting). Ours were done 1 week after our wedding so I didn't offend anyone there! My family......lol, I had never sent one in my entire life! My family all laughed at me when I did send them for our baby shower and wedding. I am like you....no big deal! My mother-in-law would never have forgiven me! It really depends on the person! I bet over half of the people at your wedding never gave it a second thought, and some might be! Oh well! Tell Grandma you're sorry, but oh well! Or maybe send her one now, with an apology...might help!

Answer 5

My opinion is that people who don't send thank you cards are either not observant or they are not thoughful. Yes, you may have paid for their dinners however, they showed up for your big day as requested was a gift to you. You are the one that invited them. They took time out of their schedules to be there for you.

In some cases, thank you cards may not be neccessary. However, in the event of weddings and showers, they should be sent. It is proper etiquette and it is thoughtful. Also, in the event that you should receive a gift from someone, esepcially a non family member, a thank you card should be sent.

Your grandmother should bury the hatchet and move on but, she does have a point as drastic as the measure may be.

Answer 6

You gave a party (and you were certainly pleased when everybody showed up - nice for the ego). I m sure you were also pleased to accept all the gifts. Too bad that all your thank you cards got lost (but if not important, why did you write them in the first place). You should have at least phoned people. Or maybe not. A conversation take usually a lot longer than a card. But either way, an acknowledgment would have been nice. You left people out in the cold and now you are seeing one tiny result.

Answer 7

YES!! They are PROPER ETTIQUETTE!!!!!!!

It was YOUR wedding and people took time out to go to YOUR wedding and spend money on YOU. You didn't have a wedding for THEM. You had it FOR YOU. You had showers for YOU...not your guests to sit and eat cake and be happy.

If I gave a gift that was opened in front of me, a thank you is always appreciated. It lets the giver know that you received the item and are thankful for the thoughtfulness.

If you opened a gift at a shower and the giver was there and you thanked them personally, maybe a nice gesture to send a follow-up thank you, but maybe not a priority.

If I left a gift at your wedding and I didn't get a thank you, I would think twice before giving you another gift. I would think, "well, they certainly didn't appreciate it so f-them!".

That many can be a lot of work, but you received the gifts and you lost the already done notes.....get busy and re-do them....although...two years later isn't exactly proper, either.

Answer 8

Ya know- I personally don't sit around trying to think of all the people I buy gifts for who didn't send me a thank you card...it's just not that big of a deal to me...sure, it's nice when I do get one...but I really don't think of the gift or party much after it's over anyway...I guess some people might be offended by it though...thinkin maybe you didn't like the gift or appreciate it...that sounds kinda silly to me though...

Answer 9

I had that same problem..My husband and I have been married now for a year and a half now...we have a beautiful daughter and we never got to send out our thank you cards for our baby shower eaither because they just as yours have.. lost in a move...i have went to multiple baby showers before and i never get offended if i do not receive a thank you note..my family gets easily offended and it drives me crazy...

Answer 10

Of course it's not right for people to get all worked up about it. I mean, it is nice to get one, but...these people ate at your wedding for 70 bucks, drank, danced, and got a party favor, they should be sending YOU a thank you card. At least you know what type of friends you have now.