Do you think my mom is being selfish or am I??????????

Question

My mom says that when I go into labor that she is going to be drinkng at the bar and will come to the hospital after the baby is born. She says that I will be too cranky during labor and she will slap me if I snap at her. I say that she snapped at me when I she was in labor w/ my sister. To make a long story short I told her that if she won't be in the delivery room she doesn't need to show up at all and if she does she will not be permitted to see me or the baby. I feel what kind of mother is she to be getting drunk while her daughter is giving birth? Am I wrong?

Answer 1

I don't believe you are wrong at all!!! Your mother, of all people, should know what its like to go into labor. And also how it feels to want support from family. I'm pregnant and if my mom told me what yours told you....I would tell her what you told your mom!!! Its WRONG for her to be so selfish...But above all, try not to stress about it...Stress released toxins into your body, which attack the weakest thing in your system....and right now...that would be your baby. So, even though its hard, try to blow off stress, take a bubble bath or do something you enjoy that won't harm the baby! I hope I helped! Best of luck!!!

Answer 2

My mom didn't want to come to the hospital when I gave birth, but for very different reasons. She lives a couple hours away and moved in with us for the first week of my baby's life. She wanted to stay away from the hospital because she thought that is was a special time for my husband and me. It is very disconcerting that your mother is PLANNING to get drunk while you are in labor. I think there might be a bigger issue here, but that is not for me to say with this little info. To answer your question, you are not being selfish by wanting your mom near, however if she is going to be mean about it, it doesn't sound like she would be the best person to have there anyways. If you are married or close with the baby's father, have him. If not, find a really good friend to be with you instead. Labor is stressful enough without having negative energy from your supposed support people.

Answer 3

I hate to say what I'm gonna say because I feel like people think I'm lecturing but here it goes: My mom died 5 years ago from a sudden heart attack. When she died, my brother and her hadn't talked in days because he lied to her about plans for Thanksgiving and my sister had said something to purposely hurt our mothers feelings the day before and she never apologized. Both still regret having the pedi arguments that in the long run don't mean a d*** thing. Stop arguing with her and tell her you want her to be in the delivery room but if she slaps you then the nurses will make her leave. If she chooses to go to a bar then she wont be allowed to be around the baby (for safety reasons) until she has sobered up. Tell her that's the end of the conversation then move on and get over it. There is no reason to continue such a argument. Take it from someone who knows how is to lose someone while in the midst of a stupid argument.

Note: Im sorry hon but your both being kinda immature. Your about to be a momma: be the bigger person.

Answer 4

WOW! I think we might have the same mother...lol Im almost 36 weeks, and being that Im in the Navy, and my husband is too they sent him on cruise. Since he wasnt going to be here for the delivery of our first child, I decided to get temporary orders to work near my family since my mom insisted she wanted to help out. So, to make a long story short, I packed all my things and moved. Note, Im still paying for my apartment back home even though Im not living there. Now that Im here its like my Mom wants nothing to do with me. She is at the bar every night! Sometimes she treats me like Im an inconvenience. I told her, I wouldnt be suprised if I went into labor and she was no where to be found because she is in some bar. Trust me I know how you feel, and you are not being selfish. I guess I just wish my Mother would be more involved knowing she is going to be a Grandma. If thats the choice your mother makes, then its really sad, but trust me you are doing the right thing by telling her to not even bother. Stick to your guns and good luck with everything! Hope everything works out for you.

Answer 5

I think it's selfish that your mom would tell you that she will be in a bar drinking while you are in labor. But at the same time, it might be a little much not letting her see the baby. I think you definately need to work this out, tell her (and I know this is hard) that you understand that you'll be cranky during labor (it's hard not to be) but you'd like her to be there to comfort you. Say that it's ok for her to step out of the room when you are too much for her, but that you don't think you can do it without her. When you approach this calmly you will have a better chance at having her listen. If you talk about it in anger, then nothing but hateful things will come out of either of your mouths. I hope this helps. :)

Answer 6

I would tell your mother,if she can not refrain from going to the bar or slapping you if you scream at her while in labor,to not come around at all. My bigger concern with your question though is this..what will you do after the baby has arrived?If your mother says she would slap you while you are in labor ..what is she capable of doing to your newborn if she/he cries too much for her and your mom's been at the bar and short tempered that day? Your mother should never be laying a hand on you.Try to sit down with her and have a talk.One of the greatest joys in life is being a grandma.Tell her what your expectations are, and tell her you would like for your child to have a relationship with her but it has to be a positive one.Good luck.If I was the nurse in the delivery room with you and your mother smacked you or came in intoxicated...she would be outside the hospital on her keester! compliments of hospital security.

Answer 7

have you questioned her skills as a mother before,I mean was she there
to put a bandaide on a boo-boo that made you feel all better, was she there sick with worry when you were a teenager and she didn't know where you were, was she there to show you the difference between being a failure(as most of us as teens thought we were) and being sucessful simply by getting up and trying again~~~etc... The truth I do know is that she is your mother, she is human, you are human, we all have our strengths and our faults,and if you don't mind me saying so, In my opinion , the fact that you asked this question,tells me that you know how much she means to you and how much love there is, Good Luck in your struggle, however I don't think its a struggle, you know the answer! Love and Enjoy the birth of your child,if your mother chooses not to be there, thats okay, and trust me~there isn't anything that you could do or say to her to make her feel worse than what she'll not have already told herself! To you, shes choosing to not be there for you~ To her (if she doesn't show up) She'll realize that she missed out on a once ina lifetime event!The birth of her grandchild. Does any of this make sense? I hope so!!!

Answer 8

Sounds like you are both being wrong.

But then again I wouldn't want a drunk woman coming to see me and my new baby in the hospital either.

If your mother is an alcoholic, or you think she might be, you would benefit from Al-Anon. It is a support group that helps people whose lives have been effected by a person who drinks too much.

Answer 9

Personally I think you're both being immature about it.

If your mom doesn't want to be in the delivery room with you then you should respect that. If the baby's father isn't around to be there, take a friend. It sounds like if she were there she'd just make it worse for you anyway.

On the other hand, you are her daughter and she should grow up, set aside what ever discomfort she has about being there and be there for you if you want her.

Answer 10

I don't think your selfish, but why would you want your abusive, selfish mother in the room w/ you while you are giving birth? During labor you will need all the support you can get not aggrivation from someone who is supposed to love you.