Why is she being like this?Serious answers only pls....What should I do???Read all....Advice?

Question

We’ve not spoken for 5 days now-what should I do??The last thing she said to me was:

She said friends don’t take time apart from each other,that I should get a 1)“grip”, for me to 2)“sort my head out” and to stop causing this 3)“conflict”---MEANING?

Will she get in touch?What she thinking/feeling?What should I do???

PREVIOUS INFO:
I got too close to my female friend and I told her I had feelings for her. She decided it wud be best to remain friends.Also said:

1) "I can't imagine you not being in\a part of my life" MEANING???
2)"I don't deserve your feelings"? MEANING???

Positive or negative comments? Significant?

I then told her a few weeks later that I needed some time away from her and she DISAGREED\WAS RUDE TOWARDS ME as a result---does it mean anything???Why?

My reason was that she was behaving odd towards me and I thought it best we have some time apart.Especially for me to get over my feelings.

Have said I value our friendship and I mean that.

If you don't want to answer-DON'T!

Answer 1

Ahhh young love. Maybe she likes the chase. Maybe she wants you to chase her. I don't know her. But lets look at the Questions...1. She can't imagine you not being a part of her life, (She likes you too) 2. She doesn't deserve your feelings (she doesn't like you as much as you like her.) 3. You told her you needed some time away and she gets pissed...(she wants you to chase her, don't give up so easily) Girls think differently than boys. (no sh*t sherlock) We want to love our man like a "nasty whore" but we don't want him to think we are one. We want a man that loves us and would die with out us, but if we act like we like them like that, they want to dump us because they think we are too clingy. What you need to do is ask her. Sit her down and say "look, you are driving me crazy, I don't know what you want" Just talk to her. Girls love to talk. People don't always say what they mean, so you may have to read between the lines. Bottom line, people don't always believe what you say, but they always believe what you do. What does she do? Talk to her.

Answer 2

Well I don't know... It sounds like
1) Being any part of your life would be more than what she thinks she deserves. Or she is unsure of what part of her life she wants you to be a part of..Romantic relationship or friends! She has probably thought about both.
2) Umm..I think she may feel really bad about herself. Maybe she has had a really bad relationship before and it hurt her so much that what your offering her is to much, when it is actually a healthy relationship you are trying to give.

It is significant because that is how she feels, but doesn't know how to react to your step forward.
It is negative and positive.
Negative because you aren't together now and that she feels undeserving of your feelings!
Positive because she told you how she feels, she does want you in her life and that you took a "break" from being friends with more feelings!

Not to be rude, but if you value the relationship then you should be asking her all these questions. It is good to get advice anyways.
She might call you, but if she hasn't she probably feels stupid for saying all that. You caught her by surprise and she told you to get a grip......all that. Maybe that's what she was telling herself since the thought of you and her as more than friends obviously crossed her mind a few times! I'd call her.
Good Luck..Hope this helps...

Answer 3

Crossing the line when it comes to friendships is always tricky.

Try and contact her asking her for a chat about exactly what is going on between you two, where do you go from here.

You haven't mentioned her true feelings for you so I think that should be a question you should ask her, maybe she doesn't want your relationship to go any further than friendship or maybe she doesn't know what she wants yet.

The reason why she hasn't contacted you is because she wants to give you time to think about things which is why I honestly think she only wants to be friends with you and thinks so much of your friendship that she doesn't want to loose it.

She said that she doesn't deserve your feelings because she probably thinks that you deserve someone who feels the same way about you.

You may have to accept the fact that she doesn't feel the same way about you so make sure you are prepared.

Take the first step, clear the air and then talk about the situation, You need to reassure her that if friendship is all she wants from you then you will be ok with it.

Answer 4

God, women are weird! (And I am one!)

I'd guess that she's confused about what her feelings towards you are.

It's hard when a friend says he/she loves you. This has happened to me in the past and first up all you feel is panic. For example, how do you tell someone that you're not interested when you don't want to hurt them and want to stay friends? How you go back to how you were before the declaration of love?
Then there's doubt: did the friend ever value my friendship or were they just trying to get into my pants the whole time?
In my case, I then started thinking that I loved him too. (I didn't). Luckily by that time he'd changed his mind too so it never happened and we're still mates now.

Conflict - The situation you're both now in is uncomfortable for you both and could appear like conflict to a person who very sensitive to atmospheres. And in a way you brought about the situation, so in a weird female way, you have caused conflict between you.
In/part of my life - She still wants you as a friend (genuinely, I think, not in the lets just be friends way).
Don't deserve etc - She's trying to let you down gently.

I think you're right to pull away as you need to stop seeing her to get over her. Be careful not to give the impression that you were only friends with her to get closer to her though, cos it will hurt her to think that.
And be there if she needs you, but at the end of the phone not in person.

I'm sure that you'll both be able to get over this in time. If you do value her as you say, I'm sure you're able to bear with her until she stops being weird.
Good luck!

Answer 5

OK, quite complicated so I'll try and untangle it:

- Five days of not speaking isn't long so you've obviously been used to speaking LOADS. It's not healthy to rely on someone so much and not unusual to not hear from friends, even lovers sometimes, for weeks at a time so don't panic after 5 days.
- Friends do take time apart from each other so she's not quite right there. Sounds as though she was feeling hurt and retaliated by saying that perhaps?
- Sounds as though you've been getting a little carried away lately and come off the rails a bit. Whatever has happened has upset her and that's why she's telling you to get a grip and sort your head out.
- As a result of whatever has happened between you two she obviously doesn't feel so comfortable around you. It could be her fault, your fault or nobody's fault but telling you to stop causing conflict suggests she's angry and confused about a recent change. If it's just her way of protecting herself because she's the one in the wrong then it's a bit mean to blame you.
- Will she get in touch? She might if she thinks the friendship is strong enough and worth saving, she might not if she thinks she has said or done all she can and there's no hope of any improvement.
- What was she thinking / feeling? I don't know but whatever it is she feels pretty strongly and is swinging between the two extremes of pushing you away (perhaps in the hope that you'll snap out of it) and pulling you back (perhaps because she's afraid of hurting your feelings).
- What should you do? Ask her to spend some time making new friends, finding new things to do, generally managing without you for a little while (in the nicest possible way) and then, after a week or so, ask her to write down how she feels about you and what she's hoping for in the future, with you or anyone else. Ask her to be calm and think it through, to be honest and open and offer to do the same in return. Swap letters and be prepared to either lose each other or understand each other better than ever.
- Hmm, I'm realising now I've got this far that she's been just a friend for a while and you want more huh? It's horrible for you but it sounds as though she's been really enjoying your friendship, trusting you and treating you to her total confidence but you've sort of let her down by going mushy on her and perhaps she's annoyed that she trusted you as a friend when it seems now like you have been hoping for more all along. It's probably scared her a bit, which is why she's reacted like this.
- A natural reaction to something we don't like is to either run away from it or fight it. Sounds as though she may be trying both approaches but when she says she can't imagine not having you in her life it means she instinctively wants to run away but if she does she'll miss the friendship she thought the two of you shared and that makes her sad.
- Saying she doesn't deserve your feelings means you're a really wonderful guy who deserves a great girlfriend but that it isn't going to be her, she doesn't fancy you like that but the last thing she wants to do is hurt your feelings because she cares. What she really wants is someone else to come along who does deserve your feelings.
- I don't blame you for wanting time out to sort your head out, etc. She probably only disagreed and was rude because she was afraid of losing you and worried that she'd hurt you, thought you were running away and unfortunately she probably needed to talk to a friend about it but that friend was you!
- It's good that you value your friendship but it sounds as though it might be quite hard work from now on. Whether she has another man in mind or not doesn't even come into it. What matters is that she really values your friendship, you want more out of it and you two need to decide whether you can remain friends or whether your feelings are too strong, in which case seeing her as a friend, possibly with a boyfriend at some stage, might be too painful.
I suggest that you both try and see other people, make new friends, try new things without each other and make a real effort to be independent of each other. After a concentrated effort you can take a fresh look at your relationship and be sensible and mature in your decision.
Good luck and don't regret your times together, you sound like you've been close and learnt a lot from each other, you should be thankful for that but remember, there's plenty of amazing people in the world for friendship and more so don't rely totally on one person.

Phew!

Answer 6

1.When friends get together one in two things may happen. 1. They can accept each other in both a friendship and relationship, and 2. It can not work out and then you may not want the friendship anymore either, and if the friendship is still there you wont look at each other the same way, there might even be a bit of jealousy when one has found a mate. Saying this she might not want to destroy the friendship.
2.As far as her not deserving your feelings, she knows her relationship flaws and knows that her ways may hurt you.
3. As far as her disagreeing with your wanting to spend time apart, she needs to know that you need to regroup, and wit her knowing this maybe you can work this out together.

Answer 7

If I am reading this correctly, you told her you have feelings for her and she did not reciprocate the feeling. Then, you decided you needed time away from her. While I can understand that you are hurt that she does not feel the same way, it is not fair of you to hurt her by taking "time away" from her. She did not cause this. You must have had some idea that there was a possibility that she would not feel the same. You should have better prepared yourself for it.

I speak from experience. My best friend recently tole me that he loved me. I told him that I didn't feel the same. He never threw it back in my face by taking time away. He knew it was a chance that he took and he accepted it. I agree with her that real friends don't need time away.

As far as her comment "I can't imagine you not being in my life" I said the same thing. It means what it says. She cares for you as a friend and she wants you to always be her friend. There is no hidden meaning. And telling you that she doesn't deserve your feeling may just be a polite way of saying, thanks but no thanks; she does not feel the same.

She was rude to you because you started all of this by not being prepared for the consequences of your actions.

I am sure that you value the friendship. Now is the time to prove it and stand by her, regardless of your broken heart. She did not cause this. Remember that.

Answer 8

Some people will say it is difficult for a guy to have a girl as friend only, & this would appear to be a case in point. To me she is ending you a load of mixed signals, like she herself doesn't know what she wants. Give her some space, & give her time to sort her head out. If she calls you, then agree to meet & discuss in person. Don't try to resolve this over the phone/e-mail/text, as this will only increase the risk of you being at crossed purposes once again, & you'll end up back where you are now, which is confused.

Answer 9

She says she wants to be friends and you have to respect her wishes. Most of the time when friends enter a relationship, if things don't work out, a friendship is lost....she's probably trying to avoid the whole situation. you made things awkward for her when you said you needed time away from her, it made her feel like she was already losing you, your friendship has already steadily begun to slip away and she fears the outcome of your "space." Maybe you should call her and inquire because asking us won't do you any good.

Answer 10

sounds to me like she ain't taking her own advice. how old are u sir crazy dude? could you please stop bombarding us with this dilemma of yours and accept the fact that you might have possibly handcuffed yourself to an impossible situation, your giving me sleepless nights with this, why don't u allow emails, i wanted to email u today, we/me can't tell u what shes thinking. only her. if she don't want to talk, walk away don't ask her permission just walk, unless there more than meets the eye. friendship between us can be misconstrued into all sorts of things especially with my imagination. i don't know what to say to you even though i want to help u, sorry no serious answers hear only worthless advice. email me from this answer and I'll answer back, you can tell me everything. then i might can help, so far i am at a dead end and i feel like i am getting myself involved in this impossible situation with you against all odds.