Is 17 to young to get married?

Question

My bf asked me to marry him last night and i said yes, but i'm 17 and so is he, we both know we're the ones for eachother. we were planning on getting married in February when i turn 18...and having his mom sign papers saying he can. she already said she would. i know i want this, but my family would kill me, so i was thinking do it secretly...lol. but is our age to young..should we wait a while longer?

Answer 1

Congrats! I know that you love him. And how exciting is a wedding? However, this is my advice to you.. Getting married AND being married at two different things. Marriage is HARD. Even though you love him, and know you want to be with him, you are changing. Your likes, dislikes, goals and dreams will be different in 4 years. I am 32, and I just got married about 7 months ago. Let me tell you.. our relationship has changed so much since we got married. There is money, who picks up milk, who should pay the bills, when you want something, who gets to use the money when there isnt enough for both.. ALL of that and MORE! I know that you will be 18, and 18 is a very important age. One thing to remember is, Alot of girls look forward to thier wedding day because it is a day to be a beautiful bride.. and have the whole day to themselves... but let me tell you this. The next day.... you are back to the same person and reality hits you. I am 32, and it hit me that if I wanted to leave him, it would have to go through court!!! I am totally in love with my husband, and I would do it all over. I would wait till you both have accomplished something.. like school, or a good job. I am not saying you cannot be engaged, I am just saying wait on the marriage.. live together maybe.. "try it out"... I wish you both the best.... congrats. Good Luck!

Answer 2

17 is much too young sweetheart. Both of you are too young. Do not do it secretly and against your family's wishes. Do you REALLY want to hurt your mother that much?

If you are determined to go ahead think of the practicalities. Where would you live? Have you both got good jobs? Can you afford rent/morgage? Do you even know how much it costs to run a home? Heat/light/food/essentials/ clothes/transport etc. Do a budget and see if you can afford it.

You will be putting yourself in a position where you are probably short of money and will end up feeling resentful of each other.

People change a lot between 17 and say 25. I wouldnt advise getting married until you are 21 at the very earliest. I got married for the first time at 19, nearly 20 and the marriage had broken down within 4 years, leaving me with a 2 year old child. It was not easy being on my own.

I suggest you get engaged which is romantic and then spend time just being together, having fun, going to college or learning more skills, going out in a group with other young people etc and then see how you feel in a year or so's time.

I wish you good luck and happiness.

Faith x

Answer 3

In all honesty, yes. 17 is much too early. I think 25-30 is about right for women. There's just sooooo much growing that goes on between 18 and 25 or 30 that you will see, you won't be the same person. Chances are too that you will want to experiment with different types of lifestyles and relationships. I believe that you cannot know what love is until you have experienced more life. I think marrying now would be a huge mistake that you would regret. I know that's not what you want to hear though. You will likely not grow with him at the same rate and one of you will always be pushing or pulling the other along. This is bound to cause hard feelings.

Go to college and get a good job. Travel and meet people. That's what these years are for. You will resent it very much in the future if you spent these years married and raising children (as wonderful as those things are).

At some point (around 35-45) you are bound to wish that you had "lived" a little before committing to one man. You will wish dearly to have these years back.

I'm telling you this as a 41-year-old mother of three teen-aged daughters. My oldest is 17, and I would tell her the same thing. Live together if you want, but do not have a baby! If it is meant to be, waiting several more years will not diminish your feelings for one another.

That's one of the hallmarks of true love. You do not "have" to get married to keep each other.

Good luck and God bless!

Answer 4

If you think about it, what is the rush? If you both know that you are right for each other and you'll be good together, etc., then what would it hurt to wait? The smart thing to do is to really, truly learn about who you are, who he is and what is going to make you happy over a life time. At 17, especially your bf has no concept of this. You could both wake up one day thinking that I'm not at all the person I thought I was, we've grown apart and it was an emotional mistake. However, by then, you'll have kids and it will be a mess. Best to wait, live together for 5 years and just enjoy a wonderful relationship. If it stays that way, then maybe marriage is right for you. I know this isn't what you want to hear, but take it from all of us who learned the hard way. No need to make the same mistake the rest of us made. Just stay engaged like forever and whatever you do, don't let yourself get pregnant.

Answer 5

Please wait,you are so young (both of you) you have so much more growing to do,even though you think your all grown up now.

Marriage should not be gone into lightly, you will cause yourself endless problems from the start by doing it behind your parents backs.

If your love is strong enough for each other,waiting to get married will not be a problem.The statistics of this marriage surviving and becoming a long lasting union are very low.

Think........... how much money do you have...... have you both good jobs....... have you somewhere to live......what will you do if you get pregnant.......can you afford for one of you to stay at home with the baby? the questions go on and on.

Do think seriously about what you should do and make the right decision for both of you.

Believe me" when there's no money coming in the door...love soon flies out the window" an old saying but a very true one, and your feelings change constantly as you get older.

I'm not saying you are not in love, I'm saying if you are, wait,don't spoil the chance of a happy life together by marrying too young.Be patient and what will be will be.

Best wishes to you both.

Answer 6

I was with a guy when I was 17 who talked about marriage because we both thought we were meant to be. But it went wrong pretty quickly. I know this might sound patronizing but I'm nearly 22 and have changed so much in the last 5 years - more than I would have thought possible when I was 17. You might feel like you know yourself and each other but there's so much life to experience before you make that kind of commitment. I definitely wouldn't rush into it. Hang on for at least a couple of years. If you really are meant to be then waiting won't matter and in the mean time you will have the freedom to change your mind should you want to.

Answer 7

Honey if you know you are meant to be together and are the ones for each other then why do you need a piece of paper to prove it?

Surely if you really love each other you would want to share your love with your and his familys and have that dream of a wedding you have always pictured.

If you were confident that this is what you really want then you would not be having doubts about your age.

Enjoy the freedom of you love. Be engaged call him your fiance and have all the fun you can have while you are still a teenager.

Don't rush into marrage or kids just yet. Travel together, study and build the base for a long future together.

There is so much to do before marrage weather it is with somebody or alone.

Put a wedding on hold there is no rush if this is your one true love forever is a long time and the best things come to those who wait.

Answer 8

I can't say either way whether that is too young but I'll let you know this.

I was 19 when I got married and it is 2 and a half years later and we are still together and happy. We have no kids and we are both in college and prospering. But we were different we were both very mature for our ages. Even now we act more like we are in our early 30's when we are 21 and 22.

I think that the only way we have gotten this far is through Jesus. I don't know how people make marriages work without God in their lives. I wouldn't of known what a marriage was suppose to be if it weren't for the Bible. We went to premarriage counseling and talked about alot of things so here is my advice for you.

1. Pray that the Lord help you both make the right decision.

2. Get with a pastor or someone who can counsel you both so you can discuss marriage. Not someone that is going to tell you that you should or should not get married but someone who is going to help you find out the truth about marriage. It is for you to decide whether you should get married.

3. Have a long talk with him and discuss things. Such as where will you live, how will you support each other, who is going to handle finances, how many kids do you want, etc.
Discuss it all because the littlest things can breakup a marriage.

4. Are you sure that you are ready to become ONE with this person. His debt, problems, baggage, hangups, etc will now be your problems too. Are you ready for that?

5. Don't get married just to have sex with someone without feeling guilty because it is a horrible reason. I would rather you have sex and stay single than to choose sex as a reason to get married.

Lastly, decide is this really love or is it infatuation. In a year you might not even like him. Make sure you are in love.

Love is willing to go through hell with this person. Sickness and in health is no joke. Are you ready and I mean really ready to go to the bottom pits of hell if you have to for this person because marriage isn't always happy. Sometimes there are problems and you can't just up and divorce when it gets tough.

Please think about all that I have said. I am not telling you to go either way I am just giving you some things to think about.

God Bless

Answer 9

Take if from someone who got married at 18 and had two kids before I figured it out...I wasn't in love with him so much as the idea of being married. I had no idea what love was until I had a couple serious relationships after the divorce. I discovered that between the age of 18 and 26 I've changed into a completely different person than I was.

Answer 10

I got married when I was 17, so I'm not going to tell your young to do it. But I will tell you that if I had to do it over again sometimes I do wish I had waited. You are both really young right now and you might think you know what you want, but I can guarantee you that in say 5 years from not your wants and needs will change, but will they change together?? Marriage is not something to take lightly, it take hard work on both sides. If you love each other now and you say you will love each other forever then you can wait to get married tell you are both out of school and have jobs to support yourselves. When you are both more mature and know that you both want the same things in life.