I have been spending a lot of time talking to this guy for the last three or four months now. I feel so comfortable around him, he makes me smile even if I have had a horrible day. We can spend hours just talking. We have never done anything more than just talk. However, I feel guilty because I feel myself falling for him. He is married, has a daughter and is twice my age. He says that he hates home and rarely ever spends time with his wife. Our relationship had been extremely innocent thus far but should I feel guilty? or worry?
2006-11-29 07:30:55 · 34 answers · asked by sweet06redhead 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Take it from me...he'll tell you how horrible his home life is and what a witch his wife is just to drum up sympathy from you. And you are doing it too.
If you are attracted to this man, you should really stop communicating with him. You are setting a lot of people up for pain and anger.
2006-11-29 07:34:21 · answer #1 · answered by Royalhinney 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
He's probably falling for you, too. If he has confided that he isn't happy at home, that should tell you that he wants more from you. You can't, however, build any relationship with him if you feel guilty. He should probably get out of his bad marriage, and if he's willing to do that, you shouldn't feel the guilt of seeing a married man. It sounds like your friendship is solid and that is something to build on. Do you want a future with him? If you do, wait and give him time to choose rather than hopping into bed with him. If you think you can remain just friends, you certainly shouldn't feel guilty about that. I understand this situation because I was in a similar situation many years ago. We had to mutually break it off because we both knew that if it continued it would lead to a full blown affair. Good luck!
2006-11-29 08:06:06 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
An extremely innocent friendly relationship can turn extremely guilty real fast, especially if feelings are involved. Think of it this way... Do you think his wife would mind the friendship he has with you?
If so, it might not be as innocent as you think it is..
Having feelings for someone and knowing you shouldn't and actually distancing yourself from this person is very hard. But in the end, it is the right and smartest thing to do before hearts and relationships get broken.
Good luck with whatever choices you make.
2006-11-29 07:36:52 · answer #3 · answered by Mrs. R 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are right to be concerned, and I'm glad you are questioning this situation. He is not showing loyalty toward his wife and you have no expectations. It's the perfect set up for him, and I'm sure it feeds his ego. This situation is destined to cause you grief. I suggest you let it go and get on with your life. You don't owe him anything, and could never be first or second in his life. Don't get sucked into a fantasy--deal with the reality of this situation. And what if it did work out....you sure you want to be in a serious relationship with a guy this much older. It may seem fun at first, but wait until you're middle aged and he's ready for a nursing home. There are other guys out there and you'll notice them once you put this to rest. Good Luck--do the smart thing.
2006-11-29 07:36:36 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You already know the answer to this, please, stop seeing him immediately, if he needs to clear things up at home, then he sould do so, putting you in the position of having to put the brakes on shows you EXACTLY what you would be getting a potential cheater. Is that what you want? Just say NO MORE and stop this before something happens that will REALLY make you feel guilty. A man who is unhappy and stays, is staying for a reason. Let him do what he has to do and you need to move onto less dangerous liasons like unmarried single guys okay?
2006-11-29 07:35:20 · answer #5 · answered by Tippy's Mom 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
So far you haven't done anything wrong. However, you don't need to go down that road. Married men usually say the same thing about not being happy at home, blah blah blah when the truth is they have no intention of rocking that marriage boat. I've been there before, please save yourself the heartache that will follow if you enter into a relationship beyond friendship with him.
I understand how you feel. He makes you feel that you are special. You feel warm inside when you hear his voice, and you dream of him. You have all sorts of fantasies about things you could do together. It just feels wonderful and right. I've been there, I know. Just be friends with him. If he has your best interest at heart, he'll understand, if not you'll find out.
2006-11-29 07:39:24 · answer #6 · answered by Dream Angel 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
what do u expect to gain from the relationship? will he ever leave her?mostlikely not because of financial reason's. how do u know what he is telling u is true? how would u feel if u were the wife? and your husband were involved with someone else? how do u know there isn't some poor wife at home upset and hurt and missing her husband? don't fall for him, as u will be the one left with the brokenheart, especailly when u want and need more from him, and he isn't able to give it. u will be the one hurting and left alone on holiday's and your ignoring your own future here, while your with him, you aren't focusing on a future with someone else and u have nothing to gain here but heartache.
2006-11-29 12:46:11 · answer #7 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh yeah, the ol' "I hate home" line. Riiiiight. I don't know what you're after here. If you have a lot of time to kill, don't have a life, and have no other place to be - then talking to him and eventually having an affair with him is about as good a pastime as any. If your goal is to find a relationship - this obviously is a dead end.
2006-11-29 07:42:50 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stay the hell away from married men! Alot of them "cheat" and what better way to cheat than to say their unhappy! SO WHAT! Then it's time they did something about it.
IF you keep on with this talking, you already know he's thinking he can get in your pants. Do you want to be a home wrecker?? Keep in mind........."What comes around, goes around".
Go find a nice, single guy your own age!! Let MR. Unhappy either change his tune with his wife, or actually do something about his unhappiness.
Bad girl if you pursue him.
2006-11-29 07:38:02 · answer #9 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't even be spending time with the guy. Do you realize you could be responsible for destroying a marriage? Think of how many people you will inevitably devastate. Including his child.
It's not worth it, since you have to live with your bad choice for the rest of your life.
Walk away now, before it's too late. Keep in mind, he may just want his cake and eat it too.
2006-11-29 07:39:01 · answer #10 · answered by seeya 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋