Ok, my daughter wants to become "emo", kinda like Goth?

Question

She likes this boy (she's 14 and he's 15), and he is emo, which is kinda like goth, but different, so I am told anyway. I caught her wearing black fingernail polish, and told her Halloween was over. Her father says he is not ready to meet this kid, and I kinda agree. I know he could be totally normal, and a good kid, but I do not want my daughter, wearing black clothes, dying her hair black (she's a blonde), and wearing black make-up and fingernail polish. Am I being totally unfair? I remember being a 14 year old girl, but this is going a bit far in my book! Help me out, both kids and parents views are welcome. I would like to know kid's views on gothic and emo kids at school too!

Answer 1

Emo kids are annoying, simply because they are "emotional" a few of them "cut themselves" and are just miserable about life... Your daughter should be WHO SHE WANTS TO BE, not change because she likes some little prick. I think the most important thing here is to remind her she needs to be true to herself and if that boy is going to like her he should like her for who she is... She shouldn't change who she is for some guy, that's the ONLY thing you should worry about...

Answer 2

Goth is more a lifestyle or outlook on life than anything. They tend to accept that there are bad things as well as good things in life, rather than 'sweep them under the rug', to say, and pretend they don't exist. They can dress however they want, although many prefer darker colors and more dramatic clothes and makeup, and listen to lots of songs and varied genres of music, which can include but are by no means limited to, new wave, darkwave, ethereal, Celtic, goth rock, punk, postpunk, chants, heavy metal, industrial, Latin, et cetera. Not all are interested in vampires - in fact, relatively few are. Many if not most have good relationships with their parents. Very few have mental or psychological problems. Most are actually quite nice, if a bit saturnine. Very, very, very few are 'satanists' or 'devil worsippers'. Most of the young teenagers who listen to Marilyn Manson, Disturbed, Slipknot, Korn, My Chemical Romance, Drowning Pool, et cetera and wear heavy thick makeup and studded spike collars and bracelets are called 'Mall goths', shop mostly at Hot Topic, and - this is important - they're not real goths. They just seem to think they are. They act disturbed and surly and try to impress/intimidate people. It seldom works, as most are obviously pathetic, and almost all will (thankfully) grow out of it. If you'd like a comprehensive explanation, try visiting goth.net. Some songs that goths might listen to:
Dragonfly (Conjure one mix) - Cruxshadows
Dazzle - Siouxsie and the Banshees
The Passion of Lovers - Bauhaus
Lucretia My Reflection - Sisters Of Mercy
Lullaby - The Cure
She's Lost Control - Joy Division
In Our Angelhood - The Cocteau Twins
Funeral Night - Bella Morte
Deliverance - The Mission UK
Cemetary Gates - The Smiths
Are 'Friends' Electric? - Tubeway Army
Love Is Stronger than Death - The The
Nowhere Girl - B-Movie
Twilight Of The Mortal - Killing Joke
Seconds - The Human League
Indigo Eyes - Peter Murphy
Right Now - The Creatures
Walk on the Moon - Daniel Ash
No Big Deal - Love and Rockets
Fire Woman - The Cult
I hope I've been a help.

Answer 3

Well I'm 25 years old and most kids I meet (of all ages) who are "emo" are harmless so you probably have nothing to worry about :)

I know you're a parent and want what's best for her though. I remember being her age and going through phases like that and my mom trying to do her best to discourage it. Of course looking back now, she was right lol But it was still important for me to go through those phases in order to grow as a person, find out who I was, gain independence, make mistakes and learn from them, etc.

Plus, she's a teenager and she's got a crush. She's most likely going to do whatever it takes to impress this boy. I don't think there's anything you can say or do to stop her. A lot of times, the more you try to discourage her, the more she'll want to do it.

Answer 4

you're talking about gothic. there is nothing wrong with gothic. They dont always wear black, they dont alwaysdo anything. Black cloths are fine. Black nail polish is fine anything is fine as long as she is not hurting herself or others. You can ask her to limit it though when she is around the family and going places with you. It is a trend and a phase. A beautiful phase but still a phase. Most grow up. Now if she starts becoming depressed and saying that shes going to run away or commit suicide or something harmful thats not okay. In Fact thats when you can step in and make her life hell. Until then give her space nad let her experiment though.

Answer 5

Your daughter need to experiment with her look to figure out for herself who she is. I remember trying to go punk at her age to impress a guy, which didn't work. It's good that she's trying something different. I would worry if she didn't. She's a good kid, and she'll stay a good kid, no matter what she looks like. Just keep communicating her and be there when she needs you and everything will be fine.

Answer 6

To start, I fully support you and her father having limitations on how she is allowed to present herself to the rest of the world. When my daughter was younger, we had a very specific rule that she was not allowed to color her hair any color that humans normally would not be born with. Blonde is one thing...blue is another.

I believe we were successful in teaching her that other people believe you are the person you pretend to be...If you dress like a whore, people will believe you're a whore...If you dress like a young woman with self respect, people will treat you with respect.

I will say, however, that I think NOT meeting this young man is going to be a big mistake. She will hang out with him, regardless of whether or not you meet him. Also, you not meeting him won't change the fact that she wants to dress like him.

You have a great opportunity to teach both of these kids a lesson on diversity, and accepting people for who they are, instead of who someone else thinks they should be. I'm certain that your daughter would want this guy to like her for who she is, not who she's pretending to be. There's no need for her to change her appearance just to please someone else...both she and her young romantic interest will benefit most by being who they really are on the inside.

I will certainly not consider myself an expert on this, but my understanding is that "goth" is underworld related...association with undead, vampires, etc. "Emo" is just short for "emotional", and the connection is more related to poetry, teenage angst and whistfulness. The only real connection is the color of their clothes.

Answer 7

She's going through a phase, trying to impress a boy. If it stops at clothing/nailpolish etc., let it go. If she starts doing things that will harm her health, mental or physical, you have the right to demand her to stop.

Answer 8

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Answer 9

Let your daughter go through this phase. It's her choice to decide what she likes/dislikes. You wouldn't like it if someone told you how to dress and who you could date right? Let her experience it for herself and eventually she'll realize how stupid black fingernail is.

Answer 10

Ahh let her. Everyone went through that and I went through the whole "goth state" for 3 years. It's nothing extreme, but taking away halloween for black nailpolish was. It's nothing to worry about, just try to laugh it off and remember that she'll get over it. But even that, I'm only seventeen.