I have dated the guy off and on for a while. We finally got together and got engaged. I turned up pregnant. Things at home arent good. I am not happy. He is unmotivated, doesnt work, and not the best track record with the law. We live on the other side of town from my family, work, and friends. So it is just me and him. His mother lives above us, but is never home. My parents are worried about me and the baby and want the best. I know things arent right and wont be the best if I stay with him but I want the baby to have a father. I hate to give up on things. I am very confused. Please help me.
2006-11-29 07:21:53 · 12 answers · asked by ktrose22 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
You may have already answered your own question.
As for now things are not that hard, but when you have your baby how is he going to help care for him/her if he isn't working.
You need to do what's best for you and your unborn baby right now and being in stressful situations and feeling the way you are just isn't the way.
You don't have to be giving up you can just give your relationship a break. Do it to see if there are any changes in him, if he stays the same then it's best if you just do you and take care of your baby because if he doesn't change and i'm not talking about a minor change because if it's only for a little while it's not going to work out either. He needs to change because he wants to and needs to.
I wish you luck with your pregancy and birth, but don't stay where you are not happy.
Good Luck & God Bless!
2006-11-29 07:29:56 · answer #1 · answered by miss_lady6980 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well you certainly got the cart before the horse so to speak but all you can do now is go on ,,,, You described him as unmotivated ,,,, doesn't work ,,,,and has a problem with the law ,,,, You should have considered these things before you conceived but that's a dead horse now ,,,, You said you want a father for the baby ,,,, Well from the way you've just described him ,,,, just how motivated do you think he will be with being a father if he doesn't get off his butt to support himself and you now ,,,, I can understand that you might feel concern for him but it's just not him anymore ,,,, or you for that matter ,,,, The baby should be given every consideration ,,,, He didn't ask to be born but he has every right to live ,,,, He doesn't have a choice as to who his parents are but he has a right to expect his parents to be adult and responsible enough to care for him properly ,,,, You can't support the baby and him both so you have to consider what's best for the baby and easiest for you ,,,, You can't be any good for anyone else until you are good for yourself first ,,,, Care for this baby should be your top priority ,,,, Don't make things any harder on yourself than you need to ,,,, This might sound harsh but this guy is dead weight and will be a weight around your neck that will continue to get heavier as time goes on for the rest of your life if you choose to stay with him ,,,, if you remain with him then you are saddling yourself with raising two children instead of one ,,,, Don't let him do this to you ,,,, You don't need this crap nor does your baby ,,,, Whether you stay with him or not you will still be raising this child without a father ,,,, Good luck with this ,,,, Yoda said this ,,,,
2006-11-29 10:17:55 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know that he didn't just become unmotivated, unemployed and just started to become best friends with the town cops. He must have been this way before. Did you think you could change him? We can't change anyone but ourselves. You really should have thought of this before you "turned up" pregnant. Birth control! What kind of father will he be if he is like this now. You are going to end up raising and supporting basically 2 kids. Good luck.
2006-11-29 07:27:32 · answer #3 · answered by Premo Mom 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
some times I just want to scream with frustration, What you need to do is sit down and really think this through, all the pros and cons, for you and your child, make lists, make plans, do not let some thing just happen, because that is how you got into this mess to begin with. read you own question, you have not stated one good thing about this man and yet you chose him to be the father of your child, You might say you were not planning on getting pregnant, but you had sex, and there fore the chance of a pregnancy. Do you understand what I mean when I say think, I am not trying to be mean, I just do not want you to get in any worse, and if you do not think about all the consequence you most surly will
2006-11-29 07:56:29 · answer #4 · answered by rkilburn410 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It sounds like you already made your decision. Having your baby with him will not change the current situation. There is no need to be in a relationship if you are not happy and if you think that things will never change between the two of you. If he is a responsible man he will be available for your baby even if you decide not to be with him anymore. Just don't stay with him for the babies sake, it will be a no win situation. Try talking to him and tell him what is bothering you and see if he is willing to change, if not then you have a decision to make. I wish you the best of luck in whatever decision you make.
2006-11-29 07:29:54 · answer #5 · answered by jhglittergirl 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Read what you just wrote about the father and your not being happy ! I say go and don't look back you and your baby deserve the best ! Can he give you that ? Read what you wrote again! What do you mean you hate to give up ?The only thing you are giving up is a bad life for you and your child I say that's worth giving up!
2006-11-29 08:05:06 · answer #6 · answered by princesspj01 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'd say you just learned a valuable lesson, when leaping before thinking, one makes foolish decision that can affect the rest of ones life. While I see that you have tied your star to a loser, nothing says you have to stay, especially since you now realize the depth of your mistake. Run, don't walk to the nearest exit! Your bf can fend for himself and you can allow him to see the baby, but you don't need to lay next to the loser for the next 20 years for your baby to have a father, it is up the the father to get up off his tuckas to come see his baby. So make the baby available for visits, get some child support going and put a period on this episode of your life and do better thinking BEFORE you leap next time. Good luck.....better for you to realize now than 20 more years you know?
2006-11-29 07:27:44 · answer #7 · answered by Tippy's Mom 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You aren't happy. Doesn't sound like you have been in awhile. Go stay with your parents, you can't raise him and your child. You gave it a fighting chance and it doesn't sound like he cares enough about you and the baby to get a job and a life. Get out before the baby is born it will be so much harder later on.
2006-11-29 07:38:51 · answer #8 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
wow
well HAVE YOU tried to talk to him
let him know how your feeling??
let him know whats he doin wrong??
if you have && he hasent made an effort to change then i think you should leave
many women stay with the maN there not happy with because of their baby
BUT if its NOT gonna get any better you deff need to leave if your YOUNG
YOU dont even have to be young
THEREs many men out there that will get with a women who already have a kid..
but especially if your young & beautiful
HOPE everything works out for you
GOOD LUCK ON EVERYTHING!
2006-11-29 07:28:29 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is why you should never have sex with someone who does not have gainful employement. Infact if you are the sort of woman who is against abortion, you should be even more concerned about not having sex with men who would make lousy fathers. Of course you should leave this guy, tell him he is unreliable.
2006-11-29 07:44:39 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋