This is from me lying to her about money a few times, I did't realize how much this hurt her. We have two young kids and she has a 12 yr old girl. I can't imagine not being with her or my kids. The hard thing is that when i met her I just had to be me. now hiw do I get her to love me?
2006-11-29 07:09:27 · 29 answers · asked by Ben S 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Marriage counseling might be a good start.
2006-11-29 07:11:22 · answer #1 · answered by Kimber 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Seek marriage counseling. You can build the trust back up. The old, tired line of "I love you but I am not 'in love' with you" is often a signal that there are bigger issues than lying about money, such as: true falling out of love, another man, or the fact that maybe it wasn't love in the first place but infatuation or some need for security.
2006-11-29 15:12:54 · answer #2 · answered by non_apologetic_american 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It can be so hard to restore broken trust. If she means as much to you as you say, why not let her know you are serious about winning her back by inviting her to choose a marriage/family therapist that you will willingly go to with her to work on your marriage. This will be a gift to both of you. It IS possible to rebuild the relationship but you need to work hard and get some help. It sounds like you have changed, and understand the damage that has been done. It is going to take her longer to learn to trust you again. Counseling can really help with this.
2006-11-29 15:13:05 · answer #3 · answered by surlygurl 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You destroyed the trust in your relationship. Now her love for you is no longer the love of a wife, but more of memories with you.
You learned a valuable lesson from this experience. It is too bad that you did not learn this lesson before you got married. Unfortunately, even if you get her to "love" you it will never be the same and she will not be happy. Love is in quotation marks because it will never be the love that she felt when she married you.
You build a lifetime partnership on trust and when you take away the foundation the structure will fall.
Take care,
Troy
2006-11-29 15:16:30 · answer #4 · answered by tiuliucci 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Lying about money is a big thing, it breaks the trust between a husband and wife. Its as if you consider your wife and kids to be on one team and you on another. You werent playing for them, only against them. This can only be forgiven if there is a legitimate reason behind the lying, if there isnt then youve pretty much decided that your marriage is over due to your nasty actions.
2006-11-29 15:14:06 · answer #5 · answered by Bonzai Betty 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you want to make this work you need to gain her trust and love back, and it will NOT be easy. Take her out-date her all over again. Do things with her that you haven't done before. ASK her what it will take to gain her love back. This will not be easy but worth the marriage if you think so. You can't make someone love you but it doesn't hurt to try.It will take a lot of giving and little to no receiving. Good luck.
2006-11-29 15:24:40 · answer #6 · answered by It's been a while........... 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't understand. If she is upset about money, what has that got to do with her love? A typical woman, cut the funds and then they run. Think of it this way, the truth comes out. Women usually dump a man for another man or money. Her saying that tells you she wants you around and maybe is not sure of the other man yet, or her plans, but you are out. If she has verbalized it you may find a way to drag it out in misery but sooner or later she's moving on, I don't know any way you can get her to love you, she was your woman before.
2006-11-29 15:27:45 · answer #7 · answered by AJ 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First step would be to quit lying about anything. It may not be a loss of love, but rather a loss of respect. I'm not sure which is worse. At any rate, all you can do is try to HONESTLY make amends. If she's still not receptive, perhaps a counselor is in order.
2006-11-29 15:12:54 · answer #8 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There are 2 main things that you argue about in marriage.
- Money
- Sex
You have hit one of them. You need to sit down and talk this through before giving up on things. Be honest and tell her that you did not realize that this would affect her so much.
I hope this helps.
Cheers!
2006-11-29 15:11:45 · answer #9 · answered by wyatt_bellis 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
get professional help...if she can't move past it, you may need to take every step possible to save the relationship. Above and beyond. And above all...DON'T LIE!!! Especially about stupid stuff that there is no reason for, like money. Lies do totally kill the "in love" part, good thing you have the commitment to work off of.
2006-11-29 15:13:57 · answer #10 · answered by Calli G 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can.t make anyone love you it is build on trust, honest,have a feeling it has been more then a few times try to win her love back by proving you will never lie to her again about any thing good luck
2006-11-29 15:18:40 · answer #11 · answered by ladyoh 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋