Why do people think that just because a couple breaks up that the children will always be adversely affected?

Question

my parents divorced when i was very young...we were actually very glad that they finally separated...

my father was a VERY good daddy but i still believe that he was NOT husband material...at least not for my mama...

i believe that they loved each other but they fought like strangers off the street...

what good does it do to have both parents in the same household if there is always conflict?

by not "husband material" i meant...

that anyone who who thinks that it is justifiable to beat on their spouse for any reason at all whether they "deserved" it or not is NOT marriage material IMHO

and for the record...

i have always been (and still am) a daddys girl...me and my mother had the worse off relationship...but that doesnt mean im going to take up for either party...they both had issues and neither walked on water...

Answer 1

In some many cases, adults become self-centered during a divorce. There is too much "you did this or that." If you are a caring parent, chances are your children are your weakness and because of that adults often use to kids as tools to screw the other parent over not realizing what effects it "may" have on the children.

How many times have you seen or heard a parent disrespect or put the other parent down in front of kids? Most of the time the opinions or bias of the other parent is based on their own failures of not being able to get along with that other adult and many adults tend to see only one-side of the break up, theirs! It is phycologically damaging.

You said your dad was not husband material, but as a young kid that had not been married yet, what is husband material? Was your mom wife material? I am not calling you out, but the way you phrased the question sounds like mom may have a bit of influence in the way you view things and it had an adverse effect in the way you view or interpete your dad as a husband. If I am wrong, I apologize!

Answer 2

I agree with you, but I also agree that divorce is hard on children.

My parents divorced when I was five and it was very difficult on me. My mother would not let my father see me for a year. My father finally got the law involved and got visitation rights.

By the same token, I am glad that they got divorced and I highly recommend to anyone in a bad marriage with children that they divorce. If my parents had stayed together, I would have been hurt even worse than I was during their divorce.

I think it is true that children are hurt by a divorce, but they are equally hurt by parents in a bad marriage. It is always better for the bad marriage to end.

Take care,
Troy

Answer 3

i divorced my ex-husband 11 years ago, my children were 8 and 4 at the time. He hasn't been much of a father to them since. But I have raised my two children to be strong young adults and they are very well adjusted. Neither one of them have much to do with their father because it was his choice not to be involved with his children. But what is really weird... He was a great husband and a great father, but something happened to him and the last 2 years we were together, he changed to a totally different man. We were married almost 15 years and you just never know about people. But I do know I have 2 wonderful children!!

Answer 4

Exactly! I hate how most people act like it's a sin not to "stay together for the kids." I do agree, me and my daughter are much better off now than dealing with all the drama that came along with her father living with us. It's much more peaceful, and much more conducive to a more normal and stable life for her. Her father likes to ACT like he's a good father, but he isn't and never will be. He's not abusive or anything like that, he's just one of those guys that likes to do whatever and whoever they want to, whenever they want to. He is by no means a positive influence on my daughter, just another person who spends time with her here and there. She deserves better.

Answer 5

When I was a teenager and my parents divorced I felt like you. Relief. But I also was sad that I didn't have a normal family anymore. Holidays were really difficult and the financial mess hurt us also. It was just really confusing for me. I think I still would rather them divorced than together because that was stressful too. I guess that is why they say be choosy when marrying! Makes sense don't it?

Answer 6

It doesn't do any good if there is always conflict. The point is to act like adults and work it out. Is that too much to ask? At one point your father and mother were very much in love probably. Once things start going bad, stop it and work it out is what I am saying.

Answer 7

divorce is usually never good for a family but ask any professional family psychologist and they will tell you that a divorce is bad for the common family it usually effects the children in one way or another, divorce is not something meant for this world, people don't think before they get married anymore or they simply don't want to work it out with each other

Answer 8

I completely agree with you! Fighting in front of children just sets bad examples. My parents divorced when I was twelve and after that the household was finally happy.

Answer 9

It only hurts the child, if you try to stay together for the sake of a children you are really hurting them. They can tell better than you think that mommy and daddy don't really love each other. Some people say, "Oh I would divorce him if wasn't for the children",. their hurting them so much worst by staying.

Answer 10

I grew up with just a mother its hard there was times when I needed a father and later I had a step father its not the same my real fathers still alive ive seen him twice he made me and now im in my thirtys if i had a son he would be my life i would never just forget about him