Divorced single mothers, how are you making it all work?

Question

I am leaving my abusive husband(mainly verbal and mental) soon and I have a daughter 6, and a son 4. I'm 34 and I have been with him for almost 13 years. He has tried to break me down and I'm surprised that I'm still standing. I am fed up. Our home is in foreclosure and he controls the money. It's supposedly 'his' money. He has been doing God knows what b/c his truck was repossed today. He has a 2005 explorer and never let me ride it except maybe 6 times in 2 years. He has been horrible to me and I have been in therapy for 6 months and going to domestic violence meetings and praying and I am getting stronger everyday. I know I am worthy of love and affection and undertanding. I would like to know how you deal with it and how do you like it. I know I will enjoy my freedom and peace away from him, so will my kids. We will be moving over to my mom's and now I think he knows for sur e that I'm done with his sorry ***. Should I let him know i'm leaving b/c I do have to deal with him re:kids

Answer 1

I can't give you any advice here but I can say good for you and good luck. It is nice to see someone get the courage and strength to do what is right. I just wish I could slap your husband around a little.

Answer 2

I would tell him I'm leaving. Drop the kids off at moms. Go to the courthouse and file for a legal separation. I had a girlfriend take her children out of an abusive relationship, and she just packed up and left while he was at work and went and stayed with her mom a couple hours away. Since she was in another state, she never filed for divorce/separation or whatever. Instead of lookign for her, the conniving bastard that was her husband knew the law, waited 6 months, and filed divorce citing abandonment. The judge threw out her request for allimony and child support. Now shes screwed. So, I'd go by the law. He cant stop you from divorcing him.

By the way. Congratulations. Its wonderful what your doing. God Bless and Good Luck!!

Answer 3

I just made the decision to leave my husband and I have four daughters. Believe me it can not get any worse than what you are going through now. Don't be scared of being alone because you are already alone. I can't tell you what to do, but if you are sincere in your heart, trust me it will get better. It will feel as though a weight has been lifted off your shoulders. Trust in God to work out your finances and all your other needs. God is a provider and he will never fail.

Answer 4

Good for you, don't let anyone keep you down. Keep up with the prayer. God is the most powerful tool you have. Even when you think he isn't there. Remember he is, you are the one making the decisions. He just trys to guide you in the right direction. As for the kids, what he does to you is what he will do to them and they don't need that. They need you to be strong and a good role model. I will say a prayer for you. Don't tell him you are gone until you are gone. That way he can't convince you to stay longer. Good Luck

Answer 5

you should just go and then tell him later cause he might try to beat you if you tell him before you go.I am so glad that you got therapy coming from an ex abusive home myself . my ex beat me for several years.Of course you are worthy of love and affection and respect . everyone is entitled to that . No you do not have to deal with him untill court time comes around and the courts determine child visitation and i do not think a judge will let him have unsupervised visitation because of his abusive nature and make sure the courts know that you left him because of his abusive nature . good luck and god bless and happy holidays.

Answer 6

i'm sorry for your children,this is going to be a hard making choices for you and your children the less your children are around him the better The first thing you have to do is get legal advice, before he tries to take your children from you because he has as much to them as you, and just to hurt you which they will because they become very mean when you say I'm leaving you, I can share many same stories I"m sure but ?I also was married 17 yrs. 3 children I"ts not going to be easy but follow your heart and you have to set an example for your children and children will adjust dont put them in the middle give them lots of positive outllook and lots of hugs and kisses. good luck ,you will survive and as a woman you become stronger and your life can grow in a healthy inviorment, Hugs and kisses to all of you.

Answer 7

Verbal and mental abuse is just as bad as phycial abuse.Phycial abuse heals,mental and verbal sticks with you!Don't even tell him you are leaving wait till he goes to work and just pack up and go.I did it and his own friends with trucks helped me. They knew what I was going through, so they was so happy I was getting out.I never went back! What matters is you and your children.You want them happy, right! So,Please don't let your children learn from this.This is not how a man treats a woman.And that is all they are learning,it's okay to treat a woman with disrespect.Get out now before it's to late!

Answer 8

You are right you don't have to put up with it. I would not let him know that I was leaving until the move is done. You have to protect your children as well as yourself. It sounds like to me that he is way too controling and he needs help as well. You might need to suggest that to him once you are out of the house.

Answer 9

Good for you for getting help and support to get through this time in your life....you do deserve better...and everyday that goes by without your x will get better for you and your kids....it took years of him breaking you down, now it will take some time to get stronger....

No he doesn't deserve to know what your plans are....any time...don't let him control you while you are away from him....and do not let yourself be at his disposal.....

Stay strong for your kids...and start enjoying life again!!!

Answer 10

do you have a spouse abuse center in your area when i left mine that's where i went they helped me get a protective order against him went to court with me as long as he is not abusive to kids court will order he be allowed contact with kids but you can get a safe person to take kids and drop off no don't let him know your leaving one of two things either he will beat the crap out of you or he will try to to be real nice and make you feel dependent to stay get all your ducks in a row don't even tell kids they may tell daddy then when you do leave don't badmouth daddy to them that puts them in the middle when they are old enough they will see his true colors stick with counseling and remember you are strong and you don't want your children brought up thinking this is acceptable behavior you can do it i left with my boys a bag of fruit and a pair of cut offs i know have a home a career and my boys productive men in our society remember this you see a hole in the street you fall in again walking down same street you see hole you try to avoid but your foot slips you slid in third time you see hole you cross the street Miss Mamie at spouse abuse center taught me that you have to always look for that hole whither it be your ex-husband or your boyfriend because we have something about us that picks these kind of people in our lives so watch out for the holes