Why am I holding so much anger towards this person!! And what is the best way to handle how I feel about this?

Question

A friend of mine just had her baby almost four months ago and just informed me that she is pregnant again she is a little over 10 weeks along. I told her I was so happy for her and so on and we even talked about it for a bit, but then she started to overly talk about it knowing that my husband and I are trying to have a baby, she then went as far as to start to really rub it in my face that she is pregnant again and i'm not and so on, she even told me that I was jelous of her (which I will admit I am) And that I was trying to copy her in having another baby and so on, and that me thinking I was pregnant this month was a figment of my imagination and just me trying to steal the limelight from her with her news which she has broadcasted all over myspace ( i know some of you have to be familiar with what that is) posting pictures of her positive pregnancy test, and posting things all over the place rubbing it in even more, she even went as far as to send me a picture of her BFP test

I have told her numerous times that I was happy for her but I would like it if she would limit her talk about her newly found out pregnancy with me because it was making me depressed that she wasn't even wanting nor trying for another baby and got one. I do hold some kind of resentment towards her for being pregnant again so soon and it makes me angry that she is using her pregnancy to hurt me and make me feel horrible, I know I shouldn't be letting this bother me but it is and I don't know how to deal with it, I have tried not talking to her and went as far as not answering her phone calls and avoiding her on the internet but somehow she finds a way to rub it in even more and it is getting to the point where I am not wanting to even log onto the internet in fear of what she has done next to remind me yet again that she is pregnant and I am still without. WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO DEAL WITH THIS BECAUSE I DO WANT TO HAVE ANOTHER BABY BUT FEAR THIS IS MAKING IT HARDER FOR ME TO TTC

FOR ANYONE WHO HAS MYSPACE AND WOULD LIKE TO ADD ME AS A FRIEND FEEL MORE THAN WELCOME TO DO SO I LOVE MEETING NEW PEOPLE ESPECIALLY MOMMY'S AND OTHER WOMEN TRYING TO CONCEIVE AND UNDERSTAND WHAT I AM GOING THROUGH.
www.myspace.com/lacey_unne

I HAVE TOLD HER HOW I FELT ABOUT THIS WHOLE THING AND HAVE ASKED HER POLITELY TO PLEASE REFRAIN FROM SPEAKING TO ME ABOUT IT I DONT CARE WHO ELSE SHE TALKS TO ABOUT IT BUT AT THIS POINT AND TIME I DONT WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT. SHE WASNT WANTING THE BABY AND EVEN SAID HORRIBLE THINGS ONCE SHE FOUND OUT AND AFTER ME TALKING HER INTO THE IDEA OF HAVING ANOTHER BABY IS WHEN SHE GOT HAPPY BUT DIDNT POST ALL THIS STUFF UNTIL AFTER I TOLD HER TO NOT SPEAK TO ME ABOUT IT ANYMORE BECAUSE IT WAS GETTING TO THE POINT WHERE IT WAS ANNOYING ME BECAUSE OUR CONVERSATIONS ONLY CONSISTED OF BANTER ABOUT THIS BABY AND I DIDNT WANT TO HEAR ANYMORE ABOUT IT.

Answer 1

Sorry that this is happening to you. Don't let this bring you down. Negativity is not what you and your husband need. Not much of a friend. A real friend would not talk to you that way. As for her broadcasting, posting pictures of pregnancy and info isn't a very good idea, to much info. to the world. Not a safe thing to do. You protect your babies, not expose them to potential harm. It's lovely to announce your pregnancy or new born, but you have to be safe about it. Having babies is not a competition between friends. Talk to her, let here know how you feel, in a calm manor. A friend will listen. Hope this is of some help. My advice is not perfect. Good luck!!!!!

Answer 2

I don't blame you for being angry. She doesn't seem to be a very a good friend right now with rubbing in how she is pregnant and you are not. What she is doing isn't right by broadcasting everything over the internet. I think you should sit down and have a talk with her and tell her how you feel. She also might be scared, she just had a baby 4 months ago and she is pregnant again.
If she doesn't seem to understand or care about what you are feeling and what you are going through, distance yourself from her. Try to surround yourself with positive people in your life.

Answer 3

I would politely let her know that this does bother you. You have been trying and had hopes of getting pregnant, and no luck yet. You are happy for her, but it is still rough watching everyone else have babies, while you are still trying. Tell her that you are happy for her, but for her to please understand, that if she was you it would be hard to not get that positive test back. I find it a little rude that she thinks you are trying to copy her. Women get pregnant every day. I think this her chance to try to show you up, and it is a little rude the way she is going about it. Just ask her to try to understand, the same that she would expect from you if something wasn't going right.

If none of this works, don't wear yourself too thin with her, I would maybe back off a little while from seeing her as often. You don't want to bring yourself down more and more.

Answer 4

I can understand your anger and hurt and I am sorry that you are having to go through this. If I were in your friends position, I would be nervous even telling you about my pregnancy knowing your circumstances because I wouldn't want to cause you unnecessary pain. I understand her wanting to share her joy and her news, but she can do that without being mean and petty.
She has no right to judge you and I think that your feelings are perfectly normal. If I were you, I would distance myself from her. If she genuinely apologizes, consider it, but otherwise move on. Respect is what friendships are built on and she has shown you a definite lack of respect.
Maybe you could try some talk therapy to work through your feelings about your friendship and also your pain and frustration about having difficulties getting pregnant.
Best wishes on trying to have a baby!

Answer 5

I highly doubt that she is intentionally just rubbing it in your face. Calm down. Breathe. Maybe you should tell her how you feel POLITELY!!! You don't want to start any argumentsl. It is a touchy subject for women who are trying. But you have to understand that she's excited, and if you are telling her that you are so happy for her and are chatting about it with her she probably has no idea that it's even bothering you. Don't take her ethusiasm as a personal attack. She's having her own excitement, and when you do have a baby I bet she might even want to throw your baby shower for you...so calm down, be a friend, either be there for her, or talk to her and tell her you can't handle it right now. Either way, its your issue to deal with, not hers.

Answer 6

It is totally normal to be jealous of her. If she were a good friend then she wouldn't be so hurtful towards you.

My husband and I tried for 3 years before finally getting pregnant. In those 3+ years, my best friend (twice), my sister-in-law, four cousins and three co-workers got pregnant. All of them knew our struggles and did their best to hide their excitement in front of me. That is why I consider them good friends and family.

I know that it is difficult. Try to distance yourself from her as much as possible. Try hanging out with other infertile couples or couples who do not have kids. Maybe she will finally get the message. Good Luck!

Answer 7

wow i know what Ur going through because i have a friend like that but its the other way around.I found out that i was expecting a baby in September and because she lies so much about being pregnant i never believe her anyway.she been pregnant since were 13 anyway no lie.any who I know how u feel and i can honestly say that its not healthy for u to feel that way GOD will bless you with a child just hole on okay sweetie because Ive been with my fiance for 6years and we just got pregnant for the first time.Then God called my child I lost my baby when i was 3months so don't rush it because when its Ur time God will bless you.

Answer 8

Have you spoken to her and let her know how this makes you feel? I know this may be difficult to do but she may not even be aware that it makes you feel this way. If you have spoken with her and she knows how you feel, just avoid her for a while, don't open her e-mails and stuff. It will happen for you when the time is right and you can't really do anything to speed it up. I hope all goes well.

Answer 9

Whats her myspace? i wanna see it!
It sounds like shes actually the jealous one. Theres a reason y shes acting this way....
She sounds looney. Stay away from loons.
I know people like her. The best way is to neverspeak to her agian and shake it off. Youll be preg one day and youll throw it up in her face.

Its set as private!

Answer 10

this girl ( and i say girl because she is not acting like a grown woman) is NOT your friend. friends support each other, not rub each other's misfortune in their faces!

cut her loose. you don't need that kind of negativity in your life.
what happens when you finally have a kid...is she going to continue her bragging by insulting your kids, and singing the praises of her own little "angels"?
what a BRAT!
get rid of her...she has insecurity issues sweetie, and she will only bring you down.
i have an EX friend that was like that. I've known her for YEARS but she just never seemed to grow up. and as upset as i was i cut her loose. i don't talk to her anymore. and ya know what...I'm happier!
surround yourself with supportive loving ppl, and dump the selfish ones out of your life....((HUGS))


as for getting her OUT of your life...(what to do?) change your phone number, change your email, and your my space...anything she is connected to. i know its a pain but it's a CLEAR message to her. don't let her win by upsetting you any longer. take CONTROL of the situation or she will continue to walk all over you as long as you allow her to.