I've been married for 6 yrs. and have two boys by my husband. But I've been in this affair with a married man for a year now. I've already met his wife and yes my husband knows about him too. I will always care for my husband cause of our boys together, but I fell in love with the guy I'm having the affair with and he also says the same thing. Me, his wife and him has already all met together and she told him to make a decision, well he said he loves both. Now we are planning on getting a apartment together, do you think it'll work with us? What should I do? My husband still loves me very much but just wants me happy and to make a right decision too. I'm 29 and the guy I'm having an affair with is 42. My husband is 32. I know age doesn't matter. I really need help with all of this. My boys has met this other guy as well and they like him, and they love their dad. I just want to make the right decision.... HELP.....
2006-11-29 05:24:07 · 19 answers · asked by marcella t 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
What a selfish, self centered, self absorbing choice you have made. Where is the marriage commitment and what kind of an example of you setting for your kids? I hope your husband gets the boys so they will be raised in a home with morals and values. Do you enjoy knowing you've placed the tears and pain on your husbands and childrens faces? Enjoy your temporary pleasure while your boys wonder why their world was ripped apart. What goes around comes around. You SUCK
2006-11-29 06:02:32 · answer #1 · answered by me 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Married 6yrs
Affair for a year
That means faithful 5 years.
You are 29 almost 30
Husband 32
Other Man 42
Well, if I take a shot in the dark. After five years you realized marriage was not as easy as you thought it was going to be. Having two boys would really crap your relationship with your husband. Being a parent is a 24/7 job and that doesn't leave much room for your husband and you to be lovers. However, your affair is separate from your family life so you are NOT a mother when you are with him and able to be a lover near this man. This courtship that you are able to have with this man is what you want, but is much harder to have with you husband because if you aren't acting the parent then he's picking up the slack and being the parent.
The affair is an escape from your own life or responsibility (children, bills, work...etc). When you are with him its play time.
Now this is that part you may not have realized. Your problems are still with you, but you are just not paying attention to them. If you and this other man do live together at some point day to day life will start all over again. All the problems with the children, bills, work ...etc will come back and you still haven't learned how to deal with them and keep your relationship. All you have learned is to run away and find a "new life". The thing is there is no "new life" your problems will always find you eventually.
What would worry me is the other man is doing the same thing. How soon will his problems come back to haunt him and he decides it’s to find a "new life". Fixing yourself is one thing, but now you have to worry about this other man's problems too.
I expect this all to fall on deaf ears, but maybe by some chance you listen and realize life isn't a fairy tale and each of us has to work for the happiness we want and it’s never a gift or a guaranteed.
2006-11-29 06:21:21 · answer #2 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The right decision would have been not getting involved with another married while married. Doesn't the vow you made when you got married mean anything to you? How can a married woman (especially when they have a good man) break that vow. You are destroying your marriage and someone else's marriage too. Think of your children and your lover's children. It's not fair on them. Stop being so childish and selfish and realize that you made a commitment to your husband. If there are problems in the marriage then fix them. Go to a counselor or a family therapist, a pastor, anyone. Don't throw your marriage away. Your children are looking at you and learning from you. Nothing good can come out of relationship that started with betrayal on both ends. I would end the affair immediately and get myself into serious counseling. Good luck!
2006-11-29 06:02:13 · answer #3 · answered by jazz_lover_25 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Counseling is a waste of time while you are in the middle of an affair. You are in fantasy land and need a reality check. Move in with your lover and take your kids with you, so you can experience what it will be like. Or, cut off the affair, recommit to your husband and then go to counseling. Tell your husband what needs he is not meeting, so he can work on his side of the relationships problems. You have about a 3% chance that you and your lover will live happily ever after.
2006-12-01 12:45:50 · answer #4 · answered by jwmarshall49 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to tell your affair that you are breaking it off. He obviously has no intentions of making you his exclusive by not giving up his wife. You need to go back to your husband and family and see if there is any way you can salvage your marriage. If not, then you need to let your husband have the children, you need to get out of their lives because you have lost your sense of what is important in life and are not fit to be in a relationship. You are about to hurt you husband and children in a way that you can never repair, are you ready to do that?
2006-11-29 05:45:19 · answer #5 · answered by Suthern R 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Wow quite the pickle. My suggestion is that you aren't ready to be "living with" anyone right now. Put your love-life on hold and focus on the kids.
When you are stable, independent and able to look at the whys of the affair and the failure of your commitment to the man you married then you will be mature enough to enter a relationship with someone new.
If you move in with this guy.. who has issues with failing at his commitment to his wife, you run the risk of scaring your children.
There is also the fact that they will always know "why" mom and dad aren't together.. and that will be him, in there eyes.
So just to recap my advice is to slow it all down, Girl! Take your time, get your head together, and be on your own for awhile, you and your children.
2006-11-29 05:32:18 · answer #6 · answered by lesbianmommy 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think you are beyond any help. Not sure if you're asking us to validate your decision but you're not going to get that from me! In my opinion, I think it's wrong for a number of reasons too numerous to list.
The only thing I can say is, your husband deserves much better and so do your children.
2006-11-29 05:36:49 · answer #7 · answered by jdhs 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Sorry........but you are already to late to make the right decision. That went out the window when you had the affair. When children are involved, you have to be so careful. What if you moved into the apt. and it didn't work out? Back to hubby? Or to another guy? Have you thought of the b/f cheating on you or you on him? You've cheated once............
2006-11-29 05:29:38 · answer #8 · answered by Lori 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Basically this means that there is something really wrong with you and that there is no hope whatsoever for your life to be anything but a major disaster. Your husband's goal should be minimizing the impact this has and safeguarding his children from you.
2006-11-29 05:28:56 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
You and your b/f and his wife are all moving into an apartment
together ?....That is rather unique & interesting..
Seems like the only one really getting short changed on this
deal is your husband...
Divorce hubby and let him get on with his life...
2006-11-29 05:31:09 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋