I have been dating my boyfriend for 2 years & he has been separated from his wife for 3 ½ years. The wife filed for divorce 1 ½ years ago when she filed for child support, but did not finish the divorce, just the child support case. I am not trying to pressure him into marrying me, but I am tired of him still being married or legally connected to her. It is over between them, why not file!? He always uses money as an issue, but he got a bonus from his job & spent all of the money on other things, not the divorce. A few weeks later, I got a bonus from my job, & I offered to give him the money for the divorce & he agreed to do it. Yesterday he had a day off so I gave him the money & told him he should go talk to the attorney since he had time. He gets mad & tells me that he isn't doing it today, he will deal with it later. Everytime I mention it, he changes the subject or gets mad!! I understand its not my place, but what should I do? I don't feel he can commit to me if still married.
2006-11-29 05:08:44 · 36 answers · asked by flowergirlsdy 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Because he doesn't want to leave her. Trust me I know.
2006-11-29 05:10:50 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 6⤊ 0⤋
I think you should read what you wrote........."The wife filed for divorce 1 ½ years ago" I am noticing he did not file for that divorce! They have children involved ect, so maybe he isn't completely ready to sever that tie! I bet he still has some residual feelings leftover, a marriage and kids isn't something most normal people can just up and leave with no feeling! He knows you are serious about the relationship you two have so he probably isn't being totally honest about his feelings/fears because he doesn't want to hurt you!
Give him time, if you all are meant to work out you will! If you don't think its fair that he isn't dealing with this issue in your time frame then walk away, find someone willing to put all their energy into you.
2006-11-29 05:17:48 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think he has cold feet. I think he thinks if he gets divorced...you will want to marry and he isn't ready for it yet. Plus I will tell you this girlfriend...that ex wife is not going any where. She will be in his life FOREVER! They are bonded by a child and they will see each other all the time. They will talk on the phone all the time. I deal more with my husbands ex wife than he does. She is like a family member....a nutty crazy family member. So if you can't handle it you better think twice before you tie the knot. I have learned in life that money can't buy happiness. I would keep your money that you earned for yourself. I have seen enough Judge Judy's to see woman that do things like you want to do and then they break up and then they are out of money and everything. Give him some tough love and give him an ultimatum so you don't waste your life with him.
2006-11-29 05:18:32 · answer #3 · answered by hard rock girl 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If he is that adament about not getting a divorce he still clings to the hope of getting back together with his estranged wife. And the fact that she filed for divorce, but didn't go through with it adds fuel to this hope.
I realize you are caught in the middle of this struggle, so I suggest you step back (no matter how much you love him) and see how it plays out. I know I'm too late to tell you not to give him money for a divorce, since I fear he won't use it for that.
You also may need to decide if he truely is the man for you.
Good Luck. I know this is a very hard decision to make.
2006-11-29 05:20:02 · answer #4 · answered by Mikira 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If I were you, I would find her in a dark alley and put her in a headlock until she signed them! But that's just me :) There is a certain amount of time that needs to pass but the divorce will proceed as a contested divorce. It's a process for sure, but he can still get divorced even if she doesn't sign. He should probably get an attorney right away though and they can explain everything to him. I hate ex-wives...my husbands ex is a pain in my a**!
2016-03-13 00:37:08 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's very simple: he doesn't want to divorce her. He loves having a wife and a girlfriend, too - what he doesn't get from one, he gets from the other. Society loves to see people married, even if they're not happy.
Time for you to wake up - he's just using you. He won't commit; his ties are to his wife. Do yourself a huge favor and MOVE ON! End all contact too - in the long run, it's all for the best.
2006-11-29 05:28:39 · answer #6 · answered by Rachel 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He has a get out of jail free card and is not going to cash it in.
As long as the divorce isn't final he doesn't have to worry about being pressured in marriage with anyone else because he is still married technically.
He may be committed to you, but he just NEVER wants to get married again.
2006-11-29 06:31:29 · answer #7 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is something keeping him from going through with the divorce. It may not be anything to do with you, it may be something to do with moving on with his life. He may be scared, to go into another committment and doesn't want to be pressured to do so. Could be something to do with his child, and possibly there might be some feelings towards his wife?
That still doesn't mean that he doesn't love you, or cares for you. It sounds like he is just hesitant to finalize anything and moving on. If he gets the divorce, then you will put pressure on him. (you would too, wouldn't you?)
I think you should sit him down and tell him you want answers and you want them now; and that he must be totally honest with you.
2006-11-29 05:31:13 · answer #8 · answered by Wondrin Dude 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is being an idiot. Money could be an issue, there is a guy I work with who has to pay $1000.00 a month in child support. That sucks. However, if all he cares about is money then I don't think I would be in such a rush to marry him anyway. It is time to be blunt...ask him what the heck is going on and be prepared for a fight. Don't let him off the hook until he gives you an answer.
2006-11-29 05:16:45 · answer #9 · answered by Danielle 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He won't file for divorce because he wants 2 chicks to sleep with! Anyway, were you "the other woman?" Because if you were, and he did finally divorce his wife, Lord knows he'll cheat on you, too. Once a cheater, always a cheater, right? So why date this loser for? Oh, and by the way, if I was married and some ho stole my husband, I'd kill the woman and castrate my husband, then kill him. Shoot, ain't no ho gonna steal my man! I'll make our marriage so fun and sexy that he'd never want to leave me!
2006-11-29 05:33:43 · answer #10 · answered by barbaraspice 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetheart, whatever the reasons for him not filing, stop fighting it. There are some battles in this life to fight and some to leave alone and they sort themselves out. At present my bf's ex moved back into his parent's house (where he still lives), supposedly to see about their 4yr old and it took me months to just ignore it.
I know it sounds stupid but we are presently looking for a place of our own to purchase and for our best interest I am dealing with it. At least your bf is with you rather than sleeping under the same roof as her.
Whatever you decide to do, DO NOT finance his divorce!!!!!!! That is no guarantee for you to be next in line, especially with the way he's behaving.
I would suggest that you save all you can so that in the event that he leaves you, you are able to maintain yourself!
You can not pressure a man into doing something he is not ready or willing to do!! I learned that the hard way.
2006-11-29 05:17:09 · answer #11 · answered by stacy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋