In Love with a friend?

Question

My wife and I have been married over a year & been living together for 3 yrs. We met at work. Problem is that I have been in love with another of our co-workers and good friends for several years (before I met my wife).
I do love and care about my wife and don't want to hurt her, but I'm not in love with her. My wife and her have become good friends the past few years, she was a bridesmaid in our wedding. I've never told anyone I feel this way and the stress of the secret is starting to overwhelm my thoughts.
Our friend has been with the same man since I've known her, who happens to be an alcoholic & treats her like crap. She's never been "single" so I've never really had the opportunity to ask her out, I had given up on trying to be with her, which is when I met my wife and we started dating. Her boyfriend is out of the picture now & I think she may have feelings for me. I don't want to ruin our friendship or hurt my wife, but I don't want to live wondering what might have been. Help

Well, I never asked her out because she was actually my boss at the time and wouldn't have been able to date me without losing her job (which is very important to her).
We spend as much free time together now as we possibly can but my wife is usually around. I actually quit my job because I didn't want work to interfere in our relationship anymore. She's actually going to be moving soon, probably to try and continue her relationship with her boyfriend, but she doesn't seem to be able to let him go for good, I almost think she's waiting to see if something better comes along. My wife has had her suspicions that we were fooling around and asked me about it recently. We're not fooling around and I told her that, but she's obviously starting to pick up on the vibe we give off. No I can't control my emotions, yes I am a pig, and no I shouldn't have gotten married in the first place, but I was lying to myself about my feelings because it was easier than hurting someone who loved me.

Answer 1

I feel for you. It's not an easy situation when the one that got away is available too late.

Unless there is a real disaster with your marrage, you're out of luck. But take heart, if you're a nice guy, she would probably not want to get closer to you anywhay, she'd just find another jerk. Perhaps a key in your question is when you said "our friend." You might politely acknowledge the problem to your wife and gain her support to help you resolve the issue. But that might be risky if your wife takes it wrong.

If its much of a problem, get into some therapy. A trained listener is better to talk out the issue, and relive the burden on your wife of having to deal with it. It might take a lot of talking to resolve the issue satisfactorily, and ensure confidentiality. But holding it in is just going to eat you, and the won't be good for anybody.

Good luck.

Answer 2

First of all: Ignore all those christian bastards and double-face poeple who will give you a speech about cheating and bad and etcs... No one has control over emotions. We can only control what we do with them.
Now about your problem. Get to know your friend better. Like really well. You made a mistake once by not asking her out. If you knew you loved her and that she was on a bad relationship, that no excuse. You should have gone for it. That was yor first mistake.
Now once you have spend as much time as possible with this girl and known that she REALLY, REALLY loves you then you will need to fix your first mistake by divorcing your wife. EIther that or you and your new love will have to find a way to live your love in the most possible hidden way. Keep in mind that nothing remains hidden forever though.
Good luck and dont make more mistakes. Make 150% sure that what you feel its love and not just lust.

Answer 3

Ok this one is simple. In what world would it not hurt your wife to know that you're "not in love with her" but instead with a good friend/bridesmaid of hers? And the bridesmaid? What kind of friend would she be or wife or lover even, if she's willing to get involved in something with you? Not trustworthy for sure. Why did you bother to get married? It sounds like you wish you were still single. Not quite fair to your wife there is it? I won't help you cheat! Since evidently it bothers you to think about it; probably be much worse on your stress levels if you actually do the deed. To think long in this instance is not to think wrong.

Answer 4

This is a tough situation, you need to have the respect for your wife to at least seperate with her while you decide your true feelings. It will be one of the hardest decisions you ever make. You need to soul search and decide what you need and want. Dont drag them both into your muddied mess. dont jump from the pan into the flames either!!!

Answer 5

If there is one thing that I have learned in this life, it is you have to take chances. You only have one life so live it. You do need to be honest with your wife though because when that women's intuition sets in, your wife is going to see that something is wrong.

Answer 6

Leave your wife now. She is too good for you. My bet is once you have a go with the co-worker you will realize your mistake and be alone and miserable.

Answer 7

OBVIOUSLY YOU MARRIED YOUR WIFE FOR A REASON JUST THINK ABOUT THAT EVER TIME YOU WANT A CHANGE........LET ME TELL YOU THE GRASS IS NOT ALWAYS GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE..
COULD OF WOULD OF SHOULD OF DON'T KEEP DOING THIS TO YOURSELF.. YOUR MARRIED

Answer 8

Use the force

Answer 9

You're a pig.